


Roll the Dice

by flameoh



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Coping, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Getting Together, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by Music, Love at First Sight, M/M, Music, Musicians, Nothing too explicit, Oikawa is depressed, Sexual Content, Songfic, Sort Of, Tea Shop, a little bit of oikuroo, guitarist daichi, no actual harm is done, singer sugawara, thoughts of self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:14:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 47,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25513381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flameoh/pseuds/flameoh
Summary: Oikawa Tooru is more than a little bit depressed. Out of a job for weeks now, the unemployment is really making him go through it. None of his friends know, of course. So, of course, they drag him to some concert like normal, functioning friends, but Oikawa is surprised when one of the artists changes the flow of the concert, and more so by how much he falls in love with the angelic singer's voice. Naturally, he doesn't know how to handle it. The only way he knows how is to support his music. But considering how incapable he is of speaking to the beautiful man, it may become detrimental to himself once the singer wants to get to know him.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Oikawa Tooru & Sugawara Koushi, Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 26
Kudos: 66





	1. Badbye

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not sure whether to consider this a songfic (i've never actually read one, i dont think), but all of Dice's songs are based on real songs. at the beginning (and end, if need be) i'll make a note of what songs the featured ones in the chapter are based off of. the lyrics come from them too. i hope this isn't confusing. ive also chosen a wide variety of different artists, i think, so hopefully you'll like them.  
> the featured song for this chapter is its namesake: Badbye by VIXX

Oikawa, for once, didn’t want to go to this concert. He was depressed about not getting a new job after quitting his old one. He’d applied to several since then, but he hadn’t heard back from any of them, which just meant they didn’t want to hire him. But his friends wanted to go to some weird indie concert party thing and smoke weed. Oikawa personally didn’t smoke it, but Hanamaki and Matsukawa did. Thankfully, they agreed to smoke it by themselves after the concert; the smell made Oikawa nauseous.

He just wanted to lie in his room and watch youtube videos in the dark, but Iwaizumi broke into his apartment and stripped him of his favorite blanket.

“This is very rude you know,” Oikawa mumbled, barely looking up from his phone.

“You’re lucky I came with time to spare, otherwise I would’ve forced you out in public wearing that.”

Oikawa sighed. “You’re going to have to pay to fix the lock on my front door, Iwa-chan.”

“It was unlocked. You should really lock your fucking door.”

“Maybe I was waiting for someone to come in and finish me off.”

“Get up.” Iwaizumi was about to pull him up, but Oikawa waved him off and stood up. Iwaizumi turned on the light and snarled at the state of the room. “Damn, you live like this?”

“Get off my ass, Iwa-chan.” He picked off a skittle from the small pile lying on his dresser and put it in his mouth.

“Just get dressed, we have to leave soon.”

“To go where?”

“The concert. We’ve mentioned it before.”

Oikawa frowned at the fact that the concert was the day he had been mindlessly already thinking about it. “I don’t want to go.”

“Tough shit. Hanamaki and Matsukawa already got us tickets a while ago.” He paused. “If you come I’ll treat you to chicken nuggets afterward,” he said reluctantly with his hands on his hips. Oikawa perked up a bit.

“Well, I guess it can’t be helped,” he shrugged and opened his closet. It was the peak of summer, so even if he wanted to wear a jacket to compliment his outfit, he didn’t want to sweat horribly. He sighed and picked out a pair of dark jeans and a plain t-shirt. He put on his glasses, not wanting to deal with contacts. He lifted his arms at Iwaizumi.

“Good enough. It’s basically what I’m wearing, so.”

Oikawa’s lip curled as he put on his shoes. “Ew, never compare my outfits to yours, Iwa-chan, no matter what I look like.” He dodged an incoming punch to his shoulder and snickered, grabbing his phone, keys, and wallet before leaving his tiny apartment.

“So who’s going to be at this concert? Anyone we know?”

“Nope,” Iwaizumi answered, getting behind the driver’s seat of his car. Oikawa pouted. Hanamaki and Matsukawa were always going to see these indie bands to “discover new artists,” or whatever. He was sure they just went because they sold booze at the venue and usually got high whenever they listened to the artists.

Iwaizumi drove a little while before he stopped in front of their two friends’ apartment building. The two boys laughed and jeered in the back seat, slowly loosening Oikawa’s hardened, grumpy emotions. Being around his friends always made him feel better. He rested his head back against the seat and closed his eyes, listening to whatever music Iwaizumi chose to put on. He got out silently, following his friends into the venue. He felt a nudge to his shoulder.

“You okay?” Iwaizumi asked him. He considered for a moment, then nodded.

He wasn’t sure if he should actually call the place a venue since it kind of just looked like a club, but he guessed venues didn’t really have a limit to how big or small they could be. There were a decent amount of people here, he thought, but considering the size of the building, there were a lot of people there; the place was relatively crowded, and he assumed it would only get more cramped once the bands started playing.

Oikawa just followed his three other friends. They strayed to the left where the bar was. Iwaizumi handed Oikawa a beer. Looked like Matsukawa was treating today.

“You shouldn’t be drinking that Iwa-chan, aren’t you driving?” He tipped back the bottle, the glass smooth against his lips and the beer cold against the back of his throat.

“If you think I’m going to get drunk off of one bottle of 2.4 percent alcohol beer then I’m fucking insulted.”

“What if it was drugged?”

“You’d be the only one to do that, Shittykawa.” He tipped back the bottle.

“Mm, maybe Makki, too,” Oikawa considered. He saw Iwaizumi smirk against the mouth of the bottle. Hanamaki and Matsukawa waved them over to the center of the room. It was louder and denser over here. A bit warmer considering the people all around him. He thought he could smell marijuana to his right and almost felt something coming up the back of his throat. He grimaced and took another swig of the beer. People were never considerate and always seemed to piss him off one way or another.

A light suddenly went on above the stage ahead of them, and four men came on stage, getting help from some of the people who were backstage to set up their instruments. One of the men introduced their band and each of his bandmates, and Oikawa heard Hanamaki whoop alongside a few other people in the audience.

Oikawa gazed on as they played their set, boredly sipping beer and shifting on his feet just for some movement. They had okay music. It was definitely something he could imagine Hanamaki and Matsukawa listening to when they were drunk or high somewhere. He saw some girls in small shirts singing along, holding their drinks up high each time they weren’t drinking from them. He looked over to his other side at Iwaizumi who was bobbing his head to the music, occasionally taking sips of his drink.

Oikawa sighed when the band stopped and thanked the crowd. He watched the staff hurriedly pushing the drumset off stage and ushering a different one on. This time, four women came on stage. Oikawa jumped at the number of yells around him. People started jumping and cheering. He guessed these girls were one of the more popular bands playing here tonight. They all had either dyed hair or shaved parts of their head. One of them had a completely shaved head. Oikawa watched the bassist, finding her pretty attractive and nodding along to the lyrics the girl with purple hair yelled. She then announced their next song, dedicating it to her girlfriend, apparently. Oikawa didn’t know if she was here, but he kind of hoped she was just at the thought of the two of them happy together.

The next band was a mix of men of women, he assumed. Two of the three were pretty androgynous, so he couldn’t exactly tell, but given that their first song was called “they is” and was about misuse of pronouns, he assumed at least one member was trans.

He sipped on his beer and glanced at the bottle. There wasn’t much left and he unfortunately barely had a buzz. Iwaizumi had finished his and was yelling something to Matsukawa just to be heard over the crowd and the music. Oikawa looked back at the band only to see them finish their final song. He tipped back the rest of his beer and nudged Iwaizumi.

“Do you know when this thing is over?” He nearly yelled it but caught himself when he noticed how quiet it got between artists. The other boy shrugged then turned to ask Hanamaki since Matsukawa went to get more alcohol for the two of them. Iwaizumi turned back and leaned close to Oikawa.

“There’s seven artists playing; the next one coming on will be the fourth.”

Oikawa restrained a groan and nodded. He stared at the stage and blinked when it got dimmer. He looked around along with several others in the venue and realized the lights dimmed. He looked back on stage where a seemingly brighter spotlight shone. A single man walked onto the stage with a simple black stool. He grabbed the stand with the microphone and placed it in front of him, shifting on the stool once he sat. Oikawa sucked in a breath. He was far enough from the stage that he wouldn’t be considered in the front of the crowd, but he was close enough to see how beautiful this guy was. The light reflected on his already pale skin, making him glow. Was he an angel?

“Hello, everyone. I’m Sugawara Koushi, I’m one half of Dice. My guitarist couldn’t be here today, so I’ll be singing alone. Because of that, there will be an instrumental playing, including his part. I know you’re all probably here for someone else, but I’m here to give you a slower break in the mood before the next artists you’ll hear. Even so, I hope I don’t bore you,” he smiled, a joke lined in the edge of his lips, and his teeth shining whiter than anything else on stage. He shifted again in his seat.

The moment Oikawa heard the first note, the boy on stage started singing. He closed his eyes and let his voice ring out into the building. It was a ballad. Wait, no, it sounded more like a break-up song. Oikawa took a deep breath when Sugawara opened his eyes, gazing with half-lidded, dark eyes over the crowd. Oikawa didn’t even know he was holding his breath. He swallowed, feeling his heart thumping in his chest, in his stomach, in his throat. Sugawara paused, letting the instrumental track play the guitarists lines. His voice was deeper and came out clear. He nodded along, tapping his foot on one of the stool’s bars that his feet were resting on. Slowly, he leaned back into the mic. Oikawa followed the motion of his mouth and the movement of his Adam's Apple beneath the skin of his neck. He bit his lip and stared, drinking in the lyrics.

_ “I’m sorry, I’m not confident anymore. I can fool you, but I didn’t want to fool myself. I’m lonely. The longer I try to hold out, I’m lonelier. I don’t know if it’s because of you, or because of me.” _

“Dude, are you crying?” Oikawa tore his eyes away from the angel producing that terrifyingly beautiful sound and saw Iwaizumi looking incredulous. He wiped his cheek on the back of his hand; it came back wet. He wiped his face on the heel of his palm.

“No,” He swallowed, a hard ball sitting in the middle of his throat.

“Do you want to get out of here, or something?” Iwaizumi put his hand on Oikawa’s shoulder, actual worry present in his eyes.

“No, I’m fine,” he insisted. He looked back at the stage, trying to memorize every inch of this man’s being; he figured he’d never see him again. The way his fingers gently held the microphone, or how his other hand just laid, relaxed, against his thigh. His eyes traveled down his slim legs, following the path of pale denim to the curve of them cuffed at his ankles. They seemed skinny, but it may have just been that the ends of the jeans were too long for him and were wider than what could fit. He was wearing simple sneakers, vans, Oikawa thought. He brought his eyes back up to the way his shirt hung off his shoulders; he was thin, but the loose shirt suited him and didn’t make him look too small. He could see moles dotting various parts of his exposed skin, including next to his eye; looking at his eyes made Oikawa’s knees go weak. And then there was his hair, how it sat, tousled effortlessly over his forehead and the nice curve of his ears. The ashen color made it look softer than any other hair he could’ve touched.

He sniffed once the song ended and some people in the crowd clapped, cheering for him. The man on stage grinned and shifted in his stool again. He couldn’t bring his arms up to clap. Instead he looked at the ground and wiped his face again.

“I’m going to head to the bathroom,” he muttered, not knowing if Iwaizumi could hear him. He supposed he could since he then asked Oikawa to get rid of his bottle for him, patting him firmly on the back as he left. He didn’t know where the bathroom was. Thankfully, as he passed the bar, he saw a sign ahead with a picture of a toilet on it. He tried to find a recycling bin nearby, but only saw a single trash can, filling with cups and various food items. He dropped the glass bottles in there and threw himself into the bathroom.

He saw a guy exit a stall, zipping up his jeans, and immediately left the bathroom. Oikawa mimicked gagging to himself and shook his head. He stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes were slightly pink around the edges, but thankfully no part of his face looked swollen. He ran his hands under the water, then ran them over his face. The skin of his face felt warmer than he originally thought it was. He reached for the paper towels and came back with nothing.

“Oh, come on,” he huffed, trying to wipe off his face with his already wet hands. He ran them through his hair, trying to make use of the water. He took a deep breath, rubbing his face on the dry parts of his arms then pouting. He exited the bathroom, looking both ways into the crowd. He felt his stomach drop when he saw the stage was now empty. He couldn’t have missed him. He was only in the bathroom for a couple minutes. He didn’t even actually  _ go  _ to the bathroom.

He hesitated, glancing towards the back of the stage. He took a deep breath. All or nothing, right? He walked quickly towards the stage, heading through a dark doorway. A hand on his chest came out of nowhere. He looked to the origin of the hand and found a tall, beefy man standing with a wire at his ear. He was more surprised at how tall this man was, considering Oikawa himself was already 184 centimeters.

“Only artists and staff backstage.”

“Oh, I… can I just, um, say hi to someone?”  
“No.”

“B-but--”

“Oi, Nakano-kun, just let the guy by,” a woman came up. Oikawa was a bit surprised to see she was the attractive bassist from that girl band. Half of her head was shaved, and a ring of metal was sticking out of her septum. She smirked at him as a greeting. “He doesn’t exactly look like a groupie or particularly dangerous, does he?” She nodded to him. “Who’re you here to see?”

“Um, that guy that just went off… Sugawara-san?”

“Mm, this way,” she waved him over. The security guard gave her a look, and she rolled her eyes. “It’s fine.”

Oikawa swallowed. “Um, I liked your set. You were pretty good up there.”

“Oh? Thanks. You don’t look like you’d listen to our music, though,” she shrugged. “Who am I to judge.”

“This is the first time I’ve seen any of these artists,” he chuckled lamely, a little nervous. They passed staff members in black and dark clothes, rushing this way and that. Artists chilling with each other and arms draped over their instruments protectively. The woman in front of him stopped short and looked back at Oikawa. She gestured to a lone man bent over a bag. He swallowed and nodded and bowed in thanks.

“No problem.”

He stepped carefully towards the man, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, then opened it again. He took a deep breath. He was never this nervous around people he’s flirted with. And he wasn’t even planning to flirt with this man, just say a few words. Maybe it was  _ because  _ the situation was out of the norm, he found an overly pretty man he’s decidedly  _ not  _ flirting with, that he was so nervous to carry out the conversation.

“E-excuse me?” He noticed his head lift when he heard Oikawa speak to him. Then he turned around. Oh, he was breathtaking. So much so, that Oikawa thought he’d turn purple if he continued to hold his breath. He held onto his fingers, not sure what to do with his hands. This was so stupid. Going backstage just to talk to some beautiful, beautiful man? What was he even planning to say?  
“Hi.”

“Hi,” Sugawara smiled, rendering Oikawa’s head empty of all thoughts.

“Um, I’m not supposed to be back here, technically, but one of the girls from a previous band…” he pointed behind him with his thumb. “Uh, I wanted to, um, compliment you. On your music.”

“Oh, thanks.” The singer looked genuinely surprised, but the warm smile on his face told him he didn’t find this situation as awkward as Oikawa felt it was.

“Yeah, your songs are really… emotional,” he swallowed, unable to look away from the shorter boy’s eyes and feeling a blush come to his cheeks.  _ Oh, stop it, stop it. _ Sugawara’s smile turned into a grin.

“Yeah, when me and Daichi--my partner--when we write songs together we really aim to evoke some sort of emotion within whoever’s listening. I’m glad you saw that.”

Oikawa mustered up a smile. It almost fell when he realized he didn’t know what else to talk about; he didn’t want to waste this guy’s time. “Uhm, do you have CDs?”

Sugawara raised an eyebrow, the grin more curious now. “We sure do, but our music is on iTunes and Spotify, you know.” Even so...

“Even so,” he voiced aloud. “CDs feel... different.”

“I know what you mean,” he bent back over the bag that was sitting next to his feet and ruffled through it. Oikawa almost jumped and hurriedly reached for his wallet to check his cash. He had enough for the price of an average album.

“How much?” He asked, hand frozen around several bills in his wallet.

“Mm, a thousand yen?” Sugawara held the disc case out with a shrug.

“What?” The question was involuntary. He felt a little embarrassed after he said it; he’d heard him loud and clear, but it was… a little cheap.

“I know, it’s not much, but we don’t have too many songs on here. Plus, supply and demand, we make it cheaper since not many people buy physical CDs anymore, you know?” They exchanged money and goods. Oikawa stared down at the case in his hands. The album cover was an illustration of a starry sky with a handwriting font over it that said “Night Awaits.”

“Oh, let me sign it for you.”

“You--what?”

“Since we mostly sell digital albums, we usually sign the physical copies as like a special gift. Hold it for me?” he fished a sharpie out of his bag. Oikawa gently opened the case and noticed a little paper inside introducing the musical duo. Above their pictures was the name of their duo “Dice” in english, then underneath, the katakana for the english word. The word was split in half over their heads, the “dai” over the picture of who he assumed was the guitarist, and the “su” over Sugawara; the first parts of their names put together. Although, Daichi was the other guy’s first name instead of his last.

He turned it so the album faced Sugawara. He took a step towards Oikawa, making him suck in a breath. He tried to hold it steady despite him trembling slightly with nerves. He felt the other boy’s warm fingers brush against his own as he tried to get leverage. He froze. He didn’t want to move away in fear of startling Sugawara or messing up his signature, but the touch made him feel like he wasn’t allowed to breathe. Sugawara swiped the sharpie over the plain CD, nodding once he thought it looked good. He capped the marker and smiled up at Oikawa.

“Thanks for being interested in our music.”

“Y-yeah.” He wanted to leave, but at the same time, he wanted the conversation to continue. “Um, do you play any instruments?” He cringed at the question when it came out of his mouth.

“Unfortunately, no. All I have is my voice.”

“It’s beautiful,” he said before he could stop himself. Okay, now he wanted to leave. He felt a blush take over his face and neck, his ears burning alongside them. “Your voice,” he whispered, hoping he wasn’t backing himself into a corner.

Sugawara chuckled awkwardly. “Thanks. I owe it to practice, I guess.” Oikawa thought he saw the shorter man blush slightly, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

“A-are you and your partner, um, together? I know there’s a lot of couple recently doing music together--”

“Oh, no,” he laughed, and the effortlessness made Oikawa think the hesitation he heard before was gone. “Daichi and I are just friends. Plus, he’s straight.”

Oikawa raised his eyebrows in intrigue. Did that mean he wasn’t? “Oh, okay,” was all he said. He swallowed, not wanting to take up any more of the man’s time and embarrass himself further. “Well, thank you for the CD,” he bowed in thanks. “And, um, I’ll make sure to keep up with your work in the future.”

“Thank you! That means a lot!” He bowed as a goodbye and Oikawa reciprocated. He hurried out the way he came, clutching the album in his hands, almost to a point where he thought it might break. He vaguely tried to remember where his friends were standing when a loud guitar solo brought him back to reality. He didn’t realize how relatively quiet it was backstage. He stopped when someone entered his path.

“There you are!” Iwaizumi sighed in frustration. “Where the fuck did you go? I thought maybe you fell in the toilet or something.”

He felt a familiar pang in his chest, and he grinned. “Aw, Iwa-chan were you worried for me?” His tone faltered slightly, still feeling a bit out of place from his previous interaction with the angel named Sugawara Koushi. If the other noticed at all, he didn’t make it a point to show that he did.

“Never in my life,” he turned and started dragging Oikawa towards the entrance they came through to get into the building. “Come on, we’re going to get food. But if you took a shit in that dank ass bathroom, I’m not letting you sit in my car.”

“So vulgar, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help look back towards the stage. He followed his friends to the car. Iwaizumi kept his promise of buying him chicken nuggets, earning him a kiss on the cheek. He roughly wiped his cheek on his shirt sleeve and mumbled profanities to Oikawa.

When Oikawa was finally dropped off at his apartment, he let out a breath. He was still holding the album tightly between his fingers. He went off to his room and awkwardly stood in the center of it, looking around. He didn’t know what to do with it. He didn’t have anything to put it in. No stereo or old school CD player. Not even one of those disc drives on his laptop. He didn’t even think they actively made those anymore.

He sighed and set the case on his desk. He took out his phone, glancing at the battery percentage blandly before looking up Dice. They had one album out and a small EP. He looked through the album, wondering which song was the one he heard today. He couldn’t remember the name of it. After starting to play each song impatiently, he found out it was the second song on the album. Badbye. He bought it immediately and laid back on his bed staring at his phone. He put in his headphones and stared at the dark ceiling. He closed his eyes, not wanting to cry.

Was it just the song that made him cry? Sure, it was a sad song, but he wasn’t one to just cry because songs were sad. He put his hands over his face. The lyrics he heard earlier haunting him.

_ “I’m sorry, I’m not confident anymore.” _

He felt a sob rack his body and bit his lip hard to try to stop it.

_ “I can fool you, but I didn’t want to fool myself.” _

He curled up on himself, grasping at the sheets. He was horrible. He was so good at faking his feelings, even his best friend didn’t know he hated himself. No one knew. After all, it was something he had to deal with himself.

After a while--he didn’t know how long--his crying subsided. He pulled his phone up towards his face. He had had the song on repeat, essentially making the passage of time meaningless. He could’ve listened to the song ten times or twenty times, it wouldn’t have made a difference. He watched the small circle drift across the screen noting how far in the song he was. He felt calm wash over him, suddenly. Maybe, he thought, he was mistaken, and it was just the post-cry numbness he felt usually. But he set his phone down and closed his eyes, listening to the smooth and angelic voice calm him until he fell asleep.


	2. Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is based off the song Moments by One Direction. funnily enough, this was the song that actually jumpstarted me writing this fic in the first place; it got stuck in my head in the shower one day and it kind of just solidified the idea for it i already had in my head. hope you like this one!

Oikawa woke up, feeling like shit, at an indeterminate time. He was tired and sweaty and his head hurt. He untangled his headphones from around his neck, wondering why it didn’t choke him in his sleep. He looked at his phone to see what the time was, only to find it was dead. He scrambled in the dark for his phone charger and just watched the scream blink until his lockscreen told him it was a quarter past four in the morning.

He slowly stripped off his clothing and put clean pajamas on, even though he knew they would just get dirty until he took a shower, whenever that would be. He left his phone on the ground amongst his dirty clothes before climbing back into bed and lifting his blankets up past his chin to cover his ears, while also making sure his nose was still peaking out.

He woke up frantically to an unexpected noise, scared maybe someone was screaming outside, but it was only his phone ringing. He scrambled to pick it up. It was a number he didn’t recognize.

“Hello?” He breathed out, massaging his chest, hoping his heart would calm from the sudden rush of adrenaline.

“Hi, is this Oikawa Tooru?”

“Uh, yes?”

“Hi, this is Futakuchi from the Jasmine Dragon. We’ve reviewed your application and are happy to say that we’d love to add you to our team!”

Oikawa sat, staring at the metal handle of his dresser drawer. The Jasmine Dragon… that was a tea shop. He applied there two weeks ago.

“Are you available in the next couple days for some training?”

He swallowed, his throat feeling like sandpaper and suddenly noticing his bladder felt strained. He winced.

“Yes, uh, today, I’m available today. Is that too early?”

“No, that’s perfect. Do you think you could come at noon?”

“Yes, of course, I can.”

“Great, I’ll let my boss know.”

“Thank you.” He hung up and stared at his phone screen. His eyes drifted to the digital clock at the top of his screen. It was 10:34. He jumped out of bed, stumbling over his jeans tangled around his foot and falling to the floor on his knees. “Fuck,” he muttered. He stood, stretching out before heading straight for his bathroom for a shower. He noticed his sock had a suspicious yellow stain on the side of it and frowned. He flicked it to the side and stepped into the hot water. He didn’t move for a few moments except to run his fingers through his hair, saturating it with water. He hoped that the water would burn off the first few layers of skin, but once he couldn’t take the pain anymore, he turned the water down and began lathering soap over his body.

He dressed quickly and checked the time. He might have time to blow-dry his hair. He held his toothbrush in his mouth as he fluffed his hair, trying to style it as best as he could in as little time as he could. He finished brushing his teeth, ignoring the growing hunger in his stomach, and picked up his things before leaving to catch a bus.

He ignored the curious look of a tiny child sitting on her mother’s lap when he decided to stand in the aisle, all the seats already taken except for the handicap ones in the front. He glanced at the child, who was now sucking on her thumb and giggled. He rolled his eyes with the hint of a smile. At the next stop, the mother scooped her up in her arms, and the child waved to him, flexing her tiny fingers. He gave a short wave back with a snort. He was about to take the seat for himself, but let an elderly man sit instead when he got on at the stop. The bus filled with more people. He glanced out the window and saw them pass a pharmacy. He should get off at the next stop.

He squeezed past two girls he guessed to be in college by their backpacks and walked down the block to find the tea shop. When he entered, there were two people sitting together at a small table, but other than that, there were only the staff there. His shoulders fell in relief. He didn’t want to have to deal with too many people.

“Ah, welcome. Oikawa-san, yes?” A man whose name tag noted that he was Futakuchi, the guy he talked with on the phone. They bowed to each other in greeting.

“Yes, hello.”

“Follow me. Tanaka-san, watch the store, please.”

“Yup!” A guy with a shaved head came out of the doorway to the back and stood diligently at the cash register, a pale green apron tied onto his body and a wide smile on his face. Oikawa followed Futakuchi into the back, glancing down his body. Did they have to wear slacks to work? He shrugged. At least it gave him something to look at.

“Takeda-sensei, Oikawa-san is here.” Sensei…? Oikawa bowed at the sitting man.

“Ah, hello, nice to meet you. Futakuchi-kun, could you give him the run-down on the place? I’m trying to go through last month’s expenses right now, but once I’m finished, we’ll talk about payroll,” he nodded to Oikawa. He nodded back and backed out of the room, heading to a break room down a small hallway between the door of the office and the doorway back out to the storefront.

“Takeda-sensei is the owner of the store,” he began telling Oikawa. “He created a lot of the recipes for the drinks we sell and such.” Oikawa nodded in understanding. “This here is our break room,” he gestured to the room around him. “You come here on your breaks, it’s also where you put your personal belongings when you come into work. We each have our own little cubbies. Once you get your custom apron, this is where you leave it at the end of the day. For now, you’ll use this,” he held up pale cloth to Oikawa who put it around him. He didn’t know if the color suited him, but he knew it was hard for him to look bad in most clothes he wore.

“Dress code is just a shirt and light-colored pants,” he continued with a sigh. “We aren’t very strict about it since the apron covers most of the outfit. Try not to wear graphic tees or shorts. And we ask that you wear closed-toed shoes at all times. If you spill boiling water on your feet, it is your own fault and you’re legally not allowed to sue.”

Oikawa roused an eyebrow. “Has that happened before?”

“Yes,” Futakuchi said, a slight grin on his face. “He didn’t win. I didn’t like the guy anyway.” He waved him back to the front. He saw the guy Tanaka was still at the front, waiting for customers to show up. He rocked back and forth on his heels until he saw Futakuchi and Oikawa return.

“Tanaka-san and I will take turns training you. It’s only us and sensei here, and he’s usually busy with other stuff. He does guest lectures sometimes and attends academic events of sorts, so he’s not around a lot, hence why he wanted to hire someone else.” Tanaka nodded alongside Oikawa. The shorter boy’s attention was torn away when an elderly couple shuffled into the store. The smile on his face widened, and he greeted them with a friendly, “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

“Here,” Futakuchi waved Oikawa to one of the machines in the back. “I’ll show you how some of these work. It might seem like a lot at first, but you get the hang of it quicker than you’d expect.”

His first day at a new job, over with. It wasn’t bad. His coworkers seemed nice enough. The work didn’t seem too hard, and it paid relatively well. Not to mention, it didn’t seem like it was busy most of the time.

When he got back home, he stared at the floor in his room and sighed. He really did live like this. He glanced at his phone, heading over to Spotify. He searched Dice and followed them. He bit his lips, thinking for a moment. He had a relatively good day today, didn’t he? They were few to come by, he thought. He grabbed his headphones off his bed and pressed shuffle on their discography, which wasn’t very much. The sweet and subtly soothing tones of Sugawara’s voice spoke to him. He closed his eyes briefly, imagining himself in an empty, dark room, this voice echoing throughout, lighting up the room the more he spoke, the more Oikawa listened. When he opened his eyes, his room was still the same, but now that he was in a different headspace, he began picking things off the floor. He threw several piles of dirty clothes into a basket; he had to go to the laundromat, like, half a week ago. He spilled the cluster of week-old skittles into the trash can after throwing two into his mouth. They tasted fine, but he felt gross if he just left them out here.

He did a little vacuuming, cringing at the amount of whatever was on his floor was sucked up into the machine. Finally, he stripped himself of his clothes and sat on his bed. He peeked at the song that came on his phone. It was called Moments.

_ “Heartbeats harder, time escapes me. Trembling hands touch skin, it makes this harder…” _

He let out a shaky breath. This song was sadder than the previous, but he wasn’t going to cry. He was all cried out. Plus, he was just at a weak point, he told himself. Last night… He gripped his phone tighter and stood, heading towards his tiny kitchen after putting sweatpants on. He didn’t want to think about it. He opened his fridge, and his shoulders slumped. He hadn’t gone grocery shopping in weeks. He forgot. His only options were instant ramen and takeout. He frowned at his fridge door.

After calling his favorite takeout place, he sat at his desk, browsing social media on his laptop. He considered it for a brief moment before searching if Sugawara’s band had a website. He wouldn’t call himself obsessed. Though, he would agree it may seem like that from the outside. He was just interested in someone’s music. A very, very beautiful and angelic someone. To his surprise, they did have a website. He clicked the “Concerts” tab, chewing the inside of his lip. He jumped in surprise when a guy showed up at his door with his dinner. He always ordered a bit extra so he could have leftovers.

Oikawa sat back at his desk and pulled out his food, chewing on the sweet orange chicken. The next place they were playing at was another party-like concert where several artists were performing. He nibbled on his chopsticks. He didn’t know if that was a good idea, but he didn’t technically have to stay long if he went. It was a little farther than the last venue, but it was on a weeked. If he remembered correctly, the tentative schedule didn’t have him working on the weekends. He bought a ticket. Was he going by himself? He shifted in his chair, putting his feet up on the seat. He guessed that’s what buying one ticket meant. He could go by himself, it wasn’t weird that he didn’t want his friends there, right?

The concert was in a week and a half. He got to know his coworkers more over the next week. Futakuchi was a real pain in the ass, but Oikawa didn’t think he could judge since he seemed like a more blunt version of himself. With different hair. Tanaka was all smiles and sharp teeth, but he was a softie at heart, despite the vulgar music he listened to. Futakuchi almost revoked his playlist right after he put on a song called that was about sweaty balls and naked women. Oikawa snickered. No one was in the store anyway.

“You want to put something on?” Tanaka held out the cord that connected to the speakers. “You’ve been here a week, so you can put something on, just this once,” he grinned.

Oikawa shrugged and plugged in his phone. His fingers almost moved on their own. He’s been listening to Dice’s entire discography (which he bought and put in a playlist) on repeat for the entire week. He paused before he pressed the shuffle button. Would it be bad if he just started playing a playlist full of a single artist? He swallowed and pressed the triangular button anyway. He kept the volume low so it would sound like background music to any conversation held in the store.

“Hmm. You listen to this kind of music?” Tanaka glanced at him. Oikawa stiffened.

“Uh, yeah, I just got into the artist recently,” he mumbled, uncharacteristically shy for being in public. “Is there something wrong with it?”

“No, no, it just doesn’t seem like what you’d listen to.”

“What do you think I’d listen to?” He raised a challenging eyebrow.

Tanaka put a finger on his chin, looking at the ceiling dramatically. “Something you’d hear at a party?”

“Like rap music? That’s what you listen to.”

“No, like at a party with just your friends. Kind of pop or alternative, maybe?”

“Alternative? I look scene to you?”

Tanaka glared at him, no real malice behind it. “Oh, shut up, you know what I mean.”

Oikawa grinned. He heard the bell on the door to the store ring and he headed for the register. “Hi, how can--oh, it’s just you.”

“Uh, is that anyway to talk to your customers?” Iwaizumi lifted his hands in disbelief.

“But you’re not a customer, you’re just Iwa-chan.”

“I’ll jump over that fucking counter top.” He nodded to Tanaka briefly, who just raised his eyebrows and backed off from the situation. Iwaizumi looked up at the menu above their heads. “Hmm. You really only sell tea, don’t you?”

“We’re a tea shop,” Oikawa deadpanned.

“Right. Oh, I’ll try the mango chai tea. Sounds interesting.” Oikawa pressed buttons on the screen.

“Size?”  
“Just a small.”

“That’s  _ just  _ like you, isn’t it, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa breathed out without looking up. “That’ll be 475 yen,” he looked up with an innocent smile. Iwaizumi was silent, his face blank.

“Are you looking to shorten your lifespan today?” Oikawa gave him a wink and stuck his tongue out. Iwaizumi put a foot on the counter.

“No! You’re not allowed to come back here!” Oikawa shrieked, backing away.

Iwaizumi snarled and threw him his card. “Just take my fucking money.”

Oikawa squinted and grabbed cleaner from under the counter to carefully wipe off where Iwaizumi had put his foot. He charged him and looked back at Tanaka who was making the drink.

Iwaizumi nodded at his friend. “What are you doing this weekend?”

Oikawa froze. “Why?”

“I was just asking. Could you have a more suspicious response?” He didn’t know why he felt like he had to lie to Iwaizumi, but he really didn’t want to.

“I’m going to a concert.”

Iwaizumi lifted an eyebrow. “And you didn’t ask me to come with?”  
Oikawa shrugged slightly. “I wanted to try going to one by myself. Plus, I didn’t think you’d like their music.”

“I’d still go with you. So who are you going to see?” Oikawa pointed upwards. Iwaizumi looked up on instinct. His quizzical look turned to one of understanding. “Oh. Sounds familiar.”

“They’re one of the artists that was at that concert Makki and Matsun took us to.”

“Oh, that guy with the slow songs? I didn’t realize you liked him that much.”

Oikawa swallowed, feeling shifty at the comment. “I just checked out his music and saw their next gig had cheap tickets. It was kind of a spur of the moment decision,” he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. Iwaizumi studied him for a moment before taking his drink from the counter, bowing his head in a thank you to Tanaka.

“Well, I just came to check out what you looked like doing any honest day’s work,” Iwaizumi shrugged. Oikawa soured. “And those two want to hang tonight. Just something chill. When do you get off, I’ll pick you up later.”

“In two hours. I work eight to three on Thursdays and Fridays.”

“Oh. Then I’ll just get you at six? They’re going to order food.”

“Alright, you better bring me flowers this time, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said with a wink. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and sipped his tea before leaving without another word except to yell that the tea was good before walking out the door.

“Is he your boyfriend?” Tanaka asked.

“Ew, no, Iwa-chan’s a straightie.” He froze after he said it. He wouldn’t be offended by that would he? A lot of straight people took gay humor the wrong way. Instead, Tanaka snickered. Oikawa relaxed. If he assumed that Iwaizumi was his boyfriend, then that at least meant Tanaka was okay with LGBT stuff.

“Don’t like to assume. Are you straight?”

“No,” Oikawa said cautiously. “Are you?”  
Tanaka shrugged with a shake of his head. “I have a girlfriend right now but I’ve dated guys in the past. I don’t particularly like labels.” Oikawa nodded, feeling a sort of solidarity with the other man. He didn’t actually imagine that Tanaka wasn’t straight; he was an interesting man.

Oikawa felt like his mind was elsewhere the rest of the week. That night, he was silent most of the time, throwing out side comments every once in a while. However, Hanamaki thought it was a good idea for them to get wine drunk, so he eventually was as loud as the rest of them during their mini movie marathon. Iwaizumi and Oikawa stayed over the others’ apartment, Oikawa taking the couch and Iwaizumi sleeping on a futon next to said couch. The next morning, the four of them got breakfast, just a little bit hungover, and Oikawa still felt like he was out of it, apart from the hangover. Work progressed slowly, and he had trouble sleeping.

It was only until the weekend came that he realized something was off. He hadn’t listened to Dice’s songs. He didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but the thought made him squirm. He assured himself that he was going to listen to them that night, live, but that couldn’t be the only reason. He sighed. He was probably just depressed. He didn’t know why he didn’t just listen to them, then. He’s already had bettering moods when he has, in those specific circumstances. He guessed he just didn’t have any energy to.

He glanced at the album sitting on his dresser. He had a nagging feeling in his gut that he should bring it. He took a deep breath. He felt nervous. He double checked the bus times and already had the emailed ticket pulled up on his phone. He grabbed his keys and his wallet and tucked the album into the waistband of his jeans for reassurance. He left his apartment.

He wasn’t exactly sure why he was depressed. He scratched his neck. He knew being unemployed was a big catalyst for his feelings of worthlessness but… he groaned and shook out his body. He didn’t want to think about this. He watched his bus come up and stop. It was going to be a forty-five minute ride to the venue. By car it probably would’ve only been twenty-five minutes. He put his headphones in. It was the flip side of rush hour, so the bus was relatively full. He took an empty seat of someone who had gotten off at his stop and played Dice’s full album and closed his eyes. It was strange going to an event by himself. No Iwaizumi to annoy, no friend to talk about what happened there with. He opened his eyes to the yellow caution sign above the back doors that warned to not lean on the doors. In a way it was kind of nice. Almost… intimate. A little moment to himself.

He stared out the window and wondered what songs they were going to play. They probably weren’t going to play many songs, either, since there would be other artists playing. When he looked up the events on the venue’s website, it told of the artists that were going to be there in the order they’d play; Dice was towards the middle of the list, like last time. Probably to give a break from all the yelling and the alternative beats of the other artists. Give the audience some time to cool down before they hyped themselves back up for the artists at the end. Oikawa only planned to go for a short time; the concert, to his knowledge, had already started. He was only going to see Sugawara, after all. Or, Dice together.

He barely listened to the words coming out of his headphones, just to the sounds of Sugawara’s voice flowing over the vowels or dragging over the consonants, entrancing him to fall deeper into feelings of serenity.

He almost jumped out of his seat when his stop came. The time passed by quicker than it felt. He had the ticket on his phone scanned and his ID checked at the door--he guessed there was a bar in here too--and was ushered inside. This building was less crowded than the one before; it also had a bit of a calmer vibe, making him feel less tense. He didn’t know what kind of music the featured artists usually played just from their names on the list he saw, but he guessed it was more indie than alternative. The next artists came onto the stage, and they confirmed his suspicions.

He headed to the bar, ordering a light beer and throwing down some cash. He leaned against the wall next to the bar, not wanting to be in the midst of the crowd. After the current artist played their second song, he was pleasantly surprised to find out he made it just in time. The glowing ashen-haired man was walking on stage with a stool, this time followed by a broader, dark-haired man carrying a guitar in one hand and a stool in the other. This must be Sawamura Daichi.

Sugawara adjusted the mic-stand’s height as he sat on the stool. Sawamura settled on his stool, fixing his microphone close to his mouth but low enough that it would still pick up the sounds of the guitar. Oikawa knew from listening to their music that Sawamura was mainly a guitarist, but he also did a little singing every now and then, and Oikawa didn’t think he was that bad.

“Hello, everyone. We’re the musical duo Dice. I’m Sugawara Koushi--”

“And I’m Sawamura Daichi.” Oikawa noted that even while knowing his voice was deep, he thought it sounded a little softer when he sang.

“We’re only here to play two songs for you, but I hope you enjoy them.” The two settled, preparing themselves. “This is  _ Moments _ ,” his voice came out low, and Oikawa’s mouth went dry. Simultaneously, his heart swelled at the thought of the song. While it was probably their saddest sounding song, he also thought it was their sweetest song.

The moment Sugawara opened his mouth, Oikawa felt like he was somewhere else. Somewhere alone, the sounds of the guitar surrounding him in comfort and Sugawara’s voice whispering, speaking to him only. He swallowed back tears. He hated crying, these days. And he especially didn’t want to cry in public. He knew the song was amazing, but it was really  _ something else _ to hear the voice, the performance, live.

_ “You know I’ll be your life, your voice, your reason to be… My love, my heart is breathing for this, moment in time…” _

He watched Sugawara’s brows furrow in concentration, his eyes closed, as he sang the long notes and hit the higher ones. Oikawa gulped down his beer, attempting to push down the firm knot forming there. He let out a shaky breath. He watched Sugawara’s other hand snake around the microphone stand, watched as he pushed his heart out with each word. Watched his lips stretch and purse and his chest rise and fall whenever he took a breath.

Damn, he thought to himself. This was strong. This feeling. He knew he liked Sugawara, but he didn’t believe in love at first sight. He didn’t even know the man, he told himself. He knew nothing about him except for what his short biography said on the two’s website. Basically nothing. But he knew he’d been attracted to this man since he first laid eyes on him. Knew he fell in love with his voice, at the least. Infatuation, he decided on. But he still wasn’t completely satisfied with that answer.

The singer’s voice drifted off as the song ended. People clapped. Oikawa joined in this time, holding his remaining beer in the crook of his elbow. Sugawara’s face exploded in a smile, whereas Sawamura’s smile was softer, more satisfied and thankful.

“Thank you, thank you… Our second song is a little bit different. It’s more upbeat than the stuff we’ve put out before. This is our new,  _ unreleased  _ single.”

Oikawa’s mouth fell open. He watched the two stand up, Sawamura playing his guitar with a pop in his step and Sugawara pulling the microphone off the stand while grinning wildly. Oikawa was not prepared for this. A  _ new song _ ? He’d rather be in the confines and isolation of his room, lying on the ground to mentally prepare for another song that could hit him harder than he’s imagined. But, he thought, swallowing back anxiety, they did say it was relatively upbeat.

Once Sugawara started singing, Oikawa braced himself. Then, he was positively floored. He almost fell to the ground at the difference in mood, in tone, in beat. All their other songs were softer, calmer, maybe a bit sad sometimes, but otherwise catchy and enjoyable. This one… it was a party song, Oikawa thought. He thought of what Tanaka said, what type of music he thought he’d like, and this was the only type he figured fit into that mold. It was the type of song that made you want to cheer and sing along. Sugawara himself was jumping and strolling across the stage, a huge smile painted on his face. Sawamura didn’t move around too much, but still danced in place, singing more and louder than he has in any other song, grinning along with the excited boy.

Oikawa started crying. He couldn’t help it. They weren’t sad, despair-filled tears like they usually were. They were happy, emotionally racked and absolutely  _ wrecked  _ tears. He started sobbing, holding his one hand over his mouth and nose to try to stop from hyperventilating.

A woman with a distressed look on her face approached Oikawa slowly, a few tissues in her hand. He nodded in thanks, unable to speak, and wiped his face and nose as best as he could. He tried to take in deep breaths, holding his beer close to his face to distract him from the excited air of the venue. He held the tissues to his face as he calmed down, hoping he could suffocate himself with them before anyone else saw him like this.

He held his breath when their song ended with a flourish, waiting to hear Sugawara speak. The crowd in front of him cheered and whistled. He heard Sugawara’s panting breaths graze the microphone, and then he heard him laugh. He felt his knees grow weak at the sound.

“Thank you so much! Sorry we could only give you two songs, but I have an important announcement from the organizers of this event. As a gift to everyone who’s come out tonight, all the artists performing tonight are going to stay a little while after the last performance to say hi to everyone. Some of them may even be selling merch!” The duo said more thank yous and their goodbyes. The moment the two of them disappeared from the stage, Oikawa downed the rest of his beer and escaped to the bathroom.

He stared at himself in the mirror, ignoring the guy in the reflection of it who was standing at the urinal. He splashed some water on his face, then quickly paused, remembering last time. He whipped his head up and sighed with relief.

“Thank god for paper towels,” he muttered to himself. He cleaned himself up, trying his best not to get his shirt wet. He stared at himself and groaned. His face looked fucked up. He didn’t even have any emergency makeup with him. He suddenly felt a thought deep in the back of his mind that he needed a drink. He pressed his thumbs into his eyes and shook his head. He wasn’t one to turn to alcohol when he was feeling bad. He took a paper towel and ran it under the sink, holding it up to his eyes and hoping the cold water would help bring down some of the swelling. He heard distant cheering for whatever band was up on the stage.

He threw the towel in the trash and leaned on the sink, staring at his reflection one last time. He looked fine. He looked fine. He looked fine, right? He slapped his hands to his face and shook himself out, heading out of the bathroom. Now, he told himself, he had to stay longer than intended. The artists staying afterwards was the perfect time to go talk to Sugawara. He had no idea what he was going to say. So, as he waited for the concert to wrap up, vaguely listening to whoever was playing, he rehearsed in his head. How he’d greet him, introduce himself--them, he corrected himself. He’d be talking to both members of Dice. He took a deep breath. He didn’t know what kind of guy Sawamura was (as if he knew who Sugawara really was). But he hadn’t spoken to the guitarist before, he didn’t know how he’d talk back to him or respond. He could guess how Sugawara would, based on their last interaction. He felt light-headed just thinking about it. He hoped he didn’t act like such a kicked puppy this time; he had some semblance of confidence he put on in public, why couldn’t he use it when in front of Sugawara?

The concert came to a resounding end sooner than he hoped. He swallowed and tried to focus on his breathing. Staff and security pushed back some of the crowd so tables and chairs could be set up. Oikawa watched the crowd gradually thin as people left, naturally. Not everyone would want to stay and chat. He checked the time. The buses should still be running for another hour or so. Chatter grew as the staff dispersed and people were allowed to talk with the artists or buy shirts or albums they were selling. It wasn’t very loud, especially now that the crowd had basically halved from before. Oikawa gazed down the row of artists. They sat in small groups, looking excited or carefree. Some had drinks in their hands. At the very left on the end, closest to the bathrooms, he spotted them. The duo sitting plainly on two folding chairs, no table or people in front of them. They were chatting with each other instead, looking like they didn’t really expect anyone to come up to them. His eyes searched the crowd to see if anyone was going in their direction and found none.

He took his album into his hands. Was it weird he had it in the waistband of his jeans? It was weird. He rubbed his thumbs over it and hoped it wasn’t suspiciously warm. It had only been against his stomach, but they wouldn’t know that. He felt the nervousness pumping his heart faster than before. He walked up to the duo. Sugawara must’ve seen him from the corner of his eye because he turned his head when Oikawa neared closer to them, making Sawamura follow his gaze. Oikawa tensed. He felt like, for some reason, he was being scrutinized. Sugawara’s eyes blew up in recognition.

“Oh!” He jumped in his seat. “It’s you!” He turned to Sawamura. “Daichi, this is the guy I was telling you about.”

Oikawa stood, frozen. He hadn’t accounted for this reaction. He hadn’t even spoken yet. Oh, no, the plan was falling to pieces.

“Y-you remember me?”

“Yeah,” Sugawara laughed that sparkling, musical laugh. “No one’s really come up to me like that before. Of course I’d remember you!”  _ Of course. _ Oikawa strained a smile and a nervous laugh. Sawamura grinned at him.

“What’s your name?”  
“O-Oikawa Tooru,” he said quietly. “Um,” he squeezed the album case in his hands. He saw Sugawara’s eyes flick to it. “Thank you again for the album,” he mumbled, growing pink. He could barely keep his eyes off him. He had to speak up in case they wouldn’t be able to hear him, he told himself. “I brought it again,” he added lamely. “For you,” he turned suddenly to Sawamura who’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “For you to sign…”

“Oh, sure,” he grinned widely, a friendly, stable smile permeating Oikawa’s being. Sugawara handed him a sharpie, and Oikawa held the album to him with a small bow. Sawamura gently took the case from his hands and opened it.

“Funny that you’re here again. You come alone?” Sugawara was leaning an arm on the back of his chair, his legs crossed.

“Uh, yeah… I wanted to see you--” he stopped, then blushed harshly when he realized what he said. “I mean, I-I’ve been listening to your music, and it’s really good,” he managed to say with a nod. He swallowed again, his mouth feeling dry. “I thought I’d come see you guys again, especially since Sawamura-san would be here this time.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry about that,” Sawamura said with an apologetic smile. “I was out of town, and there was an accident. I couldn’t get there in time, but it doesn’t matter so much now.” He closed the album and handed it back to Oikawa, who thanked him with a short bow. “And you can call me Daichi, everyone does,” he shrugged. “I always felt like Sawamura was my dad. I was always just Daichi.” Oikawa nodded slowly.

“You live around here?”

Oikawa was a bit surprised by the question and took a moment to answer. “Uh, sort of. The bus ride is kind of long though…”

“Hmm. So you came all that way to see us?” His grin turned into a warmer smile, a sparkle in his eye.

“I really like your music,” Oikawa rubbed the back of his neck. He felt like they could see right through him. “I already bought all of it off iTunes…” He glanced back at them and saw both of the men’s faces contorted in shock.

“Seriously? Even after you already bought our album?” Sugawara’s lips upturned into an excited smile. “That’s crazy, thank you so much. You’re like our number one fan, huh?”

“I wouldn’t say that…” Oikawa bit his lip. They were both looking up at him so gratefully, he didn’t know what to say. “Oh, uh, your new song,” he tensed slightly. “That was amazing, and it was really unexpected,” he laughed lightly.

“Yeah, it’s super fun to perform. It was actually Daichi’s idea to have more of a pop feel to the next song.”

Daichi shrugged. “Have to appeal to the masses. And I wanted to have the same appeal as some of our other songs while reminding people there’s still good in the world. It  _ is  _ pretty different from some of the depressing shit we do have,” he stared pointedly at Sugawara.

“What? You help me write those lyrics, you’re partially to blame. Plus, I thought that was our vibe, you know?” Sugawara said defensively. “And you were the one who wrote Badbye while crying over Michimiya, so I don’t want to hear it.” Sugawara waved him off. Daichi pouted with a blush on his cheeks. Sugawara looked expectantly at Oikawa.

“Um,” he laughed. “Thanks for coming out to see us. We don’t even have a thousand listeners on Spotify yet, so it means a lot to see a fan in person, I guess.” He mock-shivered. “Isn’t it weird to think we have fans?” he muttered to Daichi. “It’s at least nice to know someone’s out there supporting us,” he shrugged and stood up. Oikawa stepped back to give him some space. “I don’t know how else to thank you, especially since you’re basically throwing your money at us. You want a hug? A handshake? You want to go into the back and have sex?”

“Suga!” Daichi scolded, standing too.

“It was just a joke, Daichi,” Sugawara laughed, his shoulders shaking as he did so. Oikawa thought he was about to short-circuit. He didn’t know what to say so he gave a weak shake of his head and a tiny shrug.

“Handshake it is,” Sugawara decided for him. He grabbed his free hand in his own and wrapped his other around the back of Oikawa’s. He tried to stop himself from shaking. This was too much. His hands were a bit smaller than Oikawa’s but they were so warm and soft. He thought he was going to melt. Sugawara looked a bit surprised at something, but just squeezed his hand and smiled up at him reassuringly. He let go as quickly as he had grabbed it, and then Daichi grabbed it in a firm but warm handshake.

“Thanks, again,” he told Oikawa. Oikawa nodded to the two of them once he was finally done being touched and bowed several times, thanking them as well as saying his goodbyes. He walked out of the building, breathing in through his nose, and out through his mouth. That was… unexpected. He was ready to just fall over. He leaned against a lamp post at the bus stop, looking up into the dark sky. He couldn’t believe he did this. He looked down at his hand. He couldn’t believe himself. Sugawara’s face flashed behind his eyelids. He couldn’t believe him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonus note: their new song that they play at the concert is based off of Here's To The Zeros by Marianas Trench. i only had the idea to include an upbeat happy song when this song came up on shuffle as i was writing the chapter lol


	3. Lost My Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this chapter was a mistake. i feel like i broke my own heart open and started stabbing the insides. im sorry for making you read it. its mostly at the endish where it gets fucking emo. that's also where its a bit smutty, but i tried to not make it so explicit? that's not really my focus for this fic, even tho im planning for more sexy times next chapter. im sorry.  
> Alright. now thats out of the way, this chapter is based on the song Lost My Way by Carole and Tuesday (from the anime of the same name, which you should watch)

It wasn’t until Monday morning that Dice’s new song came out. Oikawa had just gotten to work, tying his new, custom apron behind his back. Tanaka whistled at him.

“Officially a part of the team, huh? How’s it feel?”

Oikawa smoothed out the apron and glanced down at his name sewn into it. “Feels pretty official. I almost feel… important,” he puffed out his chest.

“Don’t worry, I’m here to make sure you don’t feel that way,” Futakuchi came out of Takeda-sensei’s office. Oikawa’s shoulders slumped, and he pouted. Tanaka snickered. He felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket, and he glanced at it, expecting something unimportant. Except it was a Twitter notification. From Dice’s account. It stated, “Good morning! We’re proud to announce a new song! It’s different from our other ones, so we’d appreciate it if you listened! It’s now available on iTunes and all your local music streaming platforms!” Oikawa sucked in a breath, freezing in his spot. His fingers fumbled frantically for the iTunes store app on his phone. He searched the name of the duo and... 

It was an EP. It wasn’t just the single they released, there was another song alongside it.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” he mumbled, leaving his two coworkers in the dust and heading to the back. He locked the door and leaned against it, slowly putting his headphones in, which he took so he could listen to music on his way to and from work. He played the second song. It was upbeat and fun, just like the one he heard at the concert. It was the same type of party song.

He felt his eyes stinging, and he bit his lip. He really was that fucking broken wasn’t he? Crying at what was supposed to be a fun and uplifting song? Fucking pathetic. He let out a sob and covered his mouth with a hand. He slid down the door, trying to keep himself quiet. There was Sugawara, singing about getting through hard times, and there he was, going through them.

There was a knock at the door. He stiffened. He tried to restrain the whimpering escaping his throat, but his sobbing was throbbing in his ears.

“Oikawa-san? Are you okay?” It was Tanaka. Futakuchi wouldn’t have come to check up on him. He knew he should respond, but he was afraid of how his voice would come out. He swallowed, though it was hard and painful to do so. He put on his best cheery facade he could.

“I’m fine,” his voice was strained and cracked. He shook, biting his lip and putting his head in his arms. He wasn’t, and he didn’t even sound like it. He felt the wood against his back give out and he gasped. He threw his hands out to catch himself against the floor. “What--”

“Oikawa-san--what’s wrong?” Tanaka kneeled down. Oikawa backed up into the wall. He’d never had someone see him cry like this. No one had ever been with him in his room or his apartment; he was always alone. He didn’t know what to do.

“H-how’d you get in here?”

“I have a key,” Tanaka tentatively closed the door, essentially locking them both inside. “Are you okay? Did something happen?” He glanced at the headphones still in Oikawa’s ears and the phone clutched in his hands, his knuckles white. “It’s okay, I’ve helped friends who’ve gone through stuff, do you use music to calm you down or something?”

Oikawa stared at him through blurry eyes, shaking his head vaguely. He didn’t know what to say. No one’s seen him like this before. Seen him so unfocused or unkempt. Disheveled or, frankly, just crying. Sure, his friends have seen him cry at sad movies, but never  _ really  _ cry.

Tanaka took a paper towel from the dispenser and touched his face, wiping the wetness from his cheeks. Oikawa, for some reason, felt like this was the first time someone’s been this nice to him before. Of course, people actually have been that nice or nicer to him, but he was… helping him. Caring for him. Oikawa felt his face pinch together and the sting within his eyes grow once more. Tanaka touched his shoulders, and Oikawa fell into his arms, sobbing into his shoulder. It felt nice to hug someone; he couldn’t remember the last time he did.

“It’s okay. I’ll tell Futakuchi-san you’re not feeling well. Do you want to head home?” Oikawa shook his head, squeezing his midsection a bit. “Okay, stay in here for a bit. Don’t worry, I’ll handle it.” Tanaka left the bathroom quietly. In his absence, Oikawa hugged his knees to his chest. He breathed in the scent of his jeans, which just smelt like his laundry detergent (which was rather pleasant). He closed his eyes, wishing Sugawara’s voice would give him the happiness he usually felt when he heard it, despite how the lyrics of the song made him feel. He imagined him singing to him. Singing only to him. And he hoped it would give him those lovely, pleasant feelings inside like it always did.

“Tanaka-kun, I said I’m fine,” Oikawa rolled his eyes, hanging his apron on the hook.

Tanaka sighed. “Look, I don’t know what you’re going through, and obviously I can’t help you unless you want it, so if you really don’t want me to go, I won’t.”

Oikawa paused, staring at the pale fabric of his apron in his hands. He exhaled. “I’m fine. I don’t need help.” He could help himself. He didn’t need to burden anyone else. He left the break room and left Tanaka standing there. He put in his headphones with a small wave to Futakuchi as he left. He listened to Dice’s album on the bus ride, as he always did, feeling a wave of calm wash over him. He smiled to himself and slouched comfortably in the cushioned seat.

When he got home, one of Dice’s new songs flowed through his headphones. He paused in his doorway. He had been thinking about getting takeout and lying on his floor tonight, but… He sighed and closed the front door behind him, rummaging through his fridge. He took out some leftover rice and vegetables. He oiled a pan to ready it for some stir fry.

It took longer to cook than he anticipated, having burned a bit of the rice. He took his plate over to his desk, eating his food while browsing social media on his laptop. His favorite song came on shuffle, and he smiled to himself. Something popped off in his mind, and he opened a new tab, chewing slower as he digested the lyrics he could hear Sugawara gently enunciating. He frequented Dice’s website often, mostly to see if things were updated or new things were added. Right now there was a new picture on their home screen advertising their new two songs. Sugawara and Daichi were standing shoulder to shoulder in front of a blue wall, multi-colored confetti falling all around them. Oikawa navigated to the events tab. The next time they would appear in an actual concert was two weeks from now and it was two hours from where he lived. He huffed, knowing he wouldn’t be able to go to that. But before that, was a small gig a couple blocks down from the Jasmine Dragon where he worked. It was at a bar. He hummed to himself.

_ “The tiny leaf inside of you… It’s okay, you are so strong. The broken pieces still belong…” _

He felt his heart swell slightly at the lyrics and swallowed. For some reason when he heard Sugawara say it to him like this, he believed it a little bit more. He breathed deeply, staring at his laptop screen. He was free on Sunday. He closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, listening to the words. Cherishing them.

_ “Not a soul to be shown, that’s when I come alive and feel like I’m back home. When I’m the only one, my shadow is unknown…” _

_ “I lost my way,” _ Oikawa breathed out along with the lyrics. He put another bite of food in his mouth and nearly moaned. “This is fucking good.” He should get off his ass and cook more often. He smirked and sent a text to Iwaizumi.

Oikawa: iwa-chan you’ll never guess what just happened!!! i just found out i’m an amazing cook!! maybe it’s my calling???

Iwaizumi: I’d never eat your food.

Oikawa: awww so rude iwa-chan!!!! you’re making me cry :’(

Iwaizumi: Good. It’s healthy for you, you know.

Oikawa frowned. That wasn’t the answer he expected. He sent him an emoji with its tongue sticking out and stared at his laptop screen. He knew at this moment that the week was going to go hellishly slow. It did last time he was anticipating an upcoming event with Sugawara. He wasn’t going just to see him, of course. There was the music. That was the main reason, he reminded himself. He squirmed in his seat, knowing that he wanted to see Sugawara. He scrunched his nose. He didn’t want to just hear his voice. He knew he wanted to see him. Wanted to see his face, awash in artificial light. His eyes, reflecting the lights and the emotions he communicated through them. His lips, how they moved around and against each other as he sang. His neck, so pale and smooth; those two or three moles that danced across his skin when he moved his head or when his Adam’s Apple jumped at the words he sang. Oikawa swallowed, clenching a fist as he imagined his lips against that slender neck. What would it feel like? Warm? Hot? As smooth as he imagined?

He groaned and glared at his ceiling. He shouldn’t be thinking like this. Sugawara didn’t deserve some weirdo thinking about him like this. Though, Oikawa sighed. He did this to himself. He was the one who riled himself up, as wrong as he knew it was.

He scarfed down the rest of his food, feeling an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach as he did so, then jumped on his bed face down. He winced at the stiffness in his pants. He shook his head into his pillowcase. He was not going to do it. He was not.

He didn’t. He got up. Turning off his music entirely and watched pimple-popping videos in hopes of disgusting the thing in his pants enough. It worked like a charm. He closed his laptop, in fear of gagging. He thought of going to bed early. He looked at the time. It wasn’t early, per se, but it wasn’t late. He stood in front of his bathroom mirror. He stared at the skincare products that laid around his sink, neglected. He hadn’t kept up his skincare routine regularly since he started to feel dejected, at the least. He sighed. Depressed. He meant depressed. He didn’t like to say it because he knew people were going through worse shit in their lives. Had reasons to be depressed. His didn’t feel like valid reasons.

He weakly reached for his exfoliator. One step at a time, he told himself. He sighed in relief, this time, relishing in the tingling feeling that accompanied his exfoliator. He missed this. His skin hadn’t been looking bad, but it was definitely more haggard and tired. And he didn’t think the stress and mental breakdowns were really helping.

Oikawa was right after all. The week was going by really slowly. He agonizingly waited for his work week to finish. On Saturday, he slept in late and watched a movie in bed while having a bowl or two of cereal. It was a chill day. He listened to music and browsed social media like usual, no intrusive thoughts appearing in his head.

All day, he tried not to think about tomorrow, though the anxiety and anticipation of it still came through to his mind. He would see Dice perform live for the third time. See Sugawara perform live for the third time. In all his elegance and glory. In all his beauty and excellence.

A knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts and simultaneously put him on edge. He wasn’t expecting anybody. Was it a burglar? No, a burglar wouldn’t knock. He cautiously stepped towards his door and opened it.

“Surprise!” Tanaka stood on the other side of the door with a plastic bag in hand. He held it up. “I brought dinner.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I brought you dinner. I thought I’d cook for you.” Oikawa lifted a suspicious eyebrow. Tanaka chuckled and scratched at the short hairs on the back of his neck. “I wanted to check up on you. I know this is a little, uh, intrusive, but I thought you at least wouldn’t turn down free dinner?”

Oikawa eyed his coworker and the bag. It looked relatively heavy. Which meant a lot of food. He pursed his lips and opened the door further, inviting Tanaka in. He grinned.

“Wait.” Tanaka paused, about to take his shoes off. “How do you know my address?”

Tanaka winced. “I, uh, asked Take-chan…” Oikawa restrained his usual grin at Tanaka’s nickname for their boss. He frowned instead. “I was worried for you!” Oikawa shook his head and rolled his eyes, closing the door behind Tanaka. He saw his shoulders relax.

“So what are you making me?” Oikawa retreated to the archway that connected his bedroom and the kitchen, placing him in front of the bathroom, coincidentally. His apartment wasn’t that big; he could maybe fit two or three people at most, including himself.

“Noodles,” Tanaka said with a grin as he placed the baggie on the counter.

“Noodles?”

“Oh, not just any noodles!  _ Glass  _ noodles.”

“And  _ you  _ know how to cook?”

“Fuck is that supposed to mean?” Tanaka bristled and began taking out ingredients, lining them up. “My girlfriend can’t cook for shit, so I do most of the cooking.”

“Do you live with her or something?”

“Yes,” Tanaka answered a little quieter.

“Oh, I… didn’t realize you guys were that serious.”

Tanaka’s smile inflated into something excited and genuine. Oikawa smirked. He was so cute and in love. “We knew each other in high school, and I had asked her out several times, but she didn’t accept until a while after both of us graduated. Been together ever since.”

“Wow. Persistence is key, I guess.”

“Yeah, right,” he chuckled and helped himself to Oikawa’s utensils, already beginning to cut up the vegetables.

“Do you want me to help out?”

“You can if you want, but you can also go do your own thing.” He looked back. “If you want to help, cut up the carrots, then.” He nodded to the carrots sticking out of his bag. Oikawa pushed himself off the wall and ran the carrots under the sink. He set a mini cutting board down and grabbed a knife.

“Do you cook often?” Tanaka asked him.

“I live alone, don’t I?”

Tanaka laughed. “Doesn’t answer my question.”

“Eh,” Oikawa lifted a shoulder. “If I remember to go to the grocery store.”

“If you want, I can come over every once in a while.”

“What? I couldn’t make you do that.” Oikawa stared at him. Was this boy out of his mind? He barely knew him.

“I could,” Tanaka smiled, looking over to Oikawa. He swallowed.

“You’d basically be my boyfriend at that point. Do you want to sleep over, too? I don’t think your girlfriend would like that, Tana-kun.”

Tanaka chuckled. “Well, I’d like to think of us as friends… it’s just something a friend would do, you know?” He paused. “Did you just call me Tana-kun?”

Oikawa thought for a moment. “Would you prefer Tana-chan?”

He shrugged, beginning to fill up a pot and turn on the heat. “Whichever sounds better to you, I guess. I don’t mind nicknames.” Tanaka put the noodles in to cook them. There was a knock on the door, and Oikawa quickly cleaned his hands before heading over. Who else could be here?

“Iwa-chan. What are you doing here?”

“I can’t come to visit you?” He lifted an eyebrow, then glimpsed past Oikawa for a moment. His lips parted in surprise. “Oh, you have someone--isn’t he the guy you work with?”

“Yes.” He noticed the increasingly judgemental look on his friend’s face and rolled his eyes. “We’re not hooking up. We’re just… having dinner together.” His face soured at how the situation sounded.

“Right. So can I come in or would it interrupt your dinner date?”

Oikawa huffed and opened the door for him. He nodded to Tanaka once he took off his shoes. Tanaka nodded back with a smile.

“Iwaizumi-san, right? Oikawa talks about you.”

“Not a lot,” Oikawa whined.

“Uh, I don’t think I got your name before.”

“Tanaka Ryuunosuke,” he bowed slightly and so did Iwaizumi.

“Iwaizumi Hajime,” he muttered back as a formality.

“We’ll probably have enough for you if you want to stay for dinner,” Tanaka offered. Oikawa glared at Iwaizumi so he would decline and Iwaizumi smirked.

“Sure, I’d love to.”

“I’ll take care of dinner, Oikawa-san, don’t worry.”

“Thank you, Tana-chan,” Oikawa said with a hand on his back. He smiled to him and turned back to the counter. Oikawa and Iwaizumi headed to the only other room in the house.

“Hmm. You cleaned. Were you planning to have him in your bedroom?”

“No,” Oikawa pouted.

“Ah, so you did it of your own volition,” he sat at the end of Oikawa’s bed and took off his jacket. He sighed and waved Oikawa over when he didn’t sit next to him. He raised an eyebrow but complied anyway. Iwaizumi nudged his foot with his own.

“What?” Oikawa muttered. He felt cautious. Last time he could remember Iwaizumi acting like this was when an ex-girlfriend dumped him after a year and a half for some other guy. He had tried his best to comfort him.

“I’ve been worried about you,” Iwaizumi mumbled, looking at his hands in his lap. Oikawa tensed. “You haven’t been acting like yourself. Are you… depressed again?”

Oikawa froze and ceased breathing. What? How did he know? He thought he hid it pretty well. But maybe not well enough. He blinked a couple times.

“Um, what do you mean again?”

Iwaizumi stared at him worriedly but a little confused. “I mean… you’ve had depression since after middle school, right?”

“What?” he leaned away, trying to give himself room to think.

“Don’t tell me you’ve denied it all this time,” Iwaizumi sighed. “Since then, whether you’ve told me or not, I could tell you had trouble accepting yourself as… someone worthy? It was more noticeable to me when you started dating a lot in high school… I assumed it was because you wanted to feel appreciated… I guess from someone other than me…” he looked down at his feet. “So, I’m sorry if I didn’t, um, help you in the way I should’ve.”

Oikawa simply stared. It was all coming back to him: the feelings of inferiority, worthlessness. Being written off as not being good enough, then trying to prove it to himself by being desirable and well-liked. Iwaizumi knew all of that? He knew it since back before Oikawa could acknowledge it? And he tried to help him… And Oikawa was too caught up in trying to be popular and be  _ something  _ that he didn’t even notice what was going on with himself, didn’t even notice that he had been trying to help him…

It was right before Iwaizumi looked back at him that he noticed tears were falling from his own eyes. Iwaizumi pulled him into a hug. They didn’t normally hug, or even show affection for each other in obvious ways. So when his friend’s arms wrapped around him and squeezed them together, he inhaled, feeling his breath hitch in his throat, and dropped his head onto Iwaizumi’s shoulder. He tried to muffle the sound of his crying by pressing his face further into Iwaizumi’s clothes; he could feel his body heaving with each sob, and Iwaizumi held him tighter.

“Oika--” Tanaka’s voice could be heard from the doorway, but Oikawa could feel Iwaizumi shake his head. Iwaizumi rubbed his back.

“I’ll stay here tonight, okay?” He whispered to Oikawa. Oikawa lifted his head and Iwaizumi pulled back. He noticed Tanaka arrive back at the entrance to his bedroom with a soft smile.

“Dinner’s ready.” The three of them ate dinner on Oikawa’s bedroom floor. He usually ate at his desk since he didn’t have any tables or chairs. Maybe he should get a table. But it would have to be a really small one. Their meal was rather quiet until Iwaizumi decided to speak up.

“So you didn’t come over to hook up, right?”

Oikawa huffed. “Iwa-chan,” he whined. Tanaka chuckled.

“No, just dinner. I have a girlfriend.”

“Oh, really? How long have you been together?”

“A couple years. I think we reached five years this September,” he grinned.

“Five years? Damn, have you thought about marriage?”

“Yeah, actually,” Tanaka blushed into his plate. “I bought a ring recently so it’s only a matter of time.”

“Wait, you’re actually going to propose to her? Like soon?” Oikawa asked, bewildered.

“Yes,” Tanaka laughed at his surprise. “It would be an understatement to say I love her…” he gazed down longingly at his plate, shifting his noodles around with his chopsticks.

“Well, shit,” Iwaizumi said. “This is really good by the way,” he stuffed some more vegetables in his mouth.” Tanaka thanked him.

“Iwaizumi-san, are you seeing anyone?”

Iwaizumi shook his head and swallowed. “Barely spoken to a girl in the past two weeks.” He shook his head and sifted through his noodles. “What about you? When was the last time you got laid?” He nodded to Oikawa. He huffed.

“Sex isn’t everything, Iwa-chan.”

“Hm, that long, huh?”

Oikawa threw a chopped carrot at him, making him laugh. Oikawa pouted and looked at his own plate. It really has been long. Since before he got this apartment and he just renewed his lease three months ago. Holy shit. It’s been a  _ long  _ time.

“Maybe you should meet somebody,” Iwaizumi shrugged. “Just for a change of pace or something.”

“Yeah, even just to socialize,” Tanaka said optimistically.

Oikawa snorted. “Right, because sleeping with someone is the peak form of socializing.”

After dinner, Tanaka offered to help clean up, but Oikawa refused in order to thank him for coming by. They hugged before he left, and Tanaka whispered to him, “I hope you had even a little fun tonight,” before he walked out the door, making a pain ache in Oikawa’s chest. He locked his door and finished cleaning up his kitchen. He saw Iwaizumi sitting back on his bed, browsing through something on his phone. He looked up and put his phone down.

“Can I borrow clothes?”

“You know I don’t have a futon here for you.”

“Your bed is big enough for the both of us.”

Oikawa scrunched his face in a deep cringe. “This isn’t the same as when we were kids, Iwa-chan, I’m a grown up boy who needs space.”

Iwaizumi stared at him, his face blank. “We’ve shared a fucking futon in highschool, I don’t think this could be any worse.” Oikawa resigned to it and threw some clothes his way before they changed and got into the bed. It was silent for a while. Oikawa faced his ceiling, not really thinking about anything.

“Oikawa.” He glanced at Iwaizumi who was facing him, then he turned on his side to face his friend. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” He didn’t look like he believed him. But right now, Oikawa took it as fact. He felt relatively indifferent. He placed his hand in between them and waited for Iwaizumi to grab it. He smiled sadly at him. “Hajime,” he whispered. “Thank you.”

The morning went quickly. Iwaizumi made them omurice, and Oikawa joked about how that was the only thing he knew how to make. Oikawa almost forgot that he was going to see Dice perform again tonight until after Iwaizumi left. He was so caught up in other things, minding the company of other people, he guessed.

He spent his day rather chill, trying not to rile himself up or get too nervous for tonight. He watched a movie, deep cleaned his apartment, forgot to eat, then made some ramen to eat quickly before he went out. He took a deep breath at the bus stop, the air cooler than all the nights before it. Fall was getting closer, and he decided to wear a jean jacket. Even if it got too warm for him and he ended up sweating, he still would look good, and that was all he really cared about when getting ready.

He used the last of his hair gel for tonight; he hadn’t bought some in a while, but he figured he would after work tomorrow. The bus ride felt quicker than he would’ve liked it, but for some reason put a feeling of dread in his stomach. He snickered to himself when he realized it was because this was the same bus and route he took to work nearly every day.

He got off and headed to the bar, pausing in front of the door. There was a small sign in the window that said “Live Music Tonight At Eight! Feat. The Upcoming Duo Dice!” He took a deep breath and walked inside. It was relatively quiet inside. He didn’t see very many people at all, probably the normal amount of people who would come to the bar on a Sunday night.

He walked up to the bar and leaned on it with his elbows, glancing over the menu. He didn’t want to get more than buzzed, but he figured if he had more alcohol in his system than before, he wouldn’t be as nervous if he had to talk to Sugawara again. He ordered a mojito and smiled to himself when it tasted sweet. He sat at a table, noticing an elevated bit of the floor that could be considered a stage. It had two microphone stands sat on it. A little after eight, he looked up from his phone as chatter heightened a tad in the room. The small TV in the corner of the bar that was showing a late-night talk show didn’t raise or lower in volume, but he noticed people coming onto the stage. He tensed and sat up a bit as Sugawara and Daichi came up to the stools that were placed there.

“Hello,” Sugawara’s soft voice came through the speakers above them. “We’re the musical duo Dice. I’m Sugawara Koushi--”

“And I’m Sawamura Daichi.”

“We’re here to play you some music and liven up your Sunday night. That is, if you want it livened up, anyway,” he chuckled, earning a few half-hearted laughs among the bar’s patrons. The duo settled onto their stools, as seemed tradition for them, and paused before they started to sing.

Oikawa couldn’t help but smile when he saw him up there. Them. When he saw them up there. He tried to nonchalantly sip his drink, eyes flitting between the muted TV and the men on stage. Daichi strung the first few notes of the song, and Oikawa tried not to stare hard out of a mixture of excitement and anxiety. It was his favorite song.

The moment Sugawara began singing, Oikawa sucked in a breath. He felt his muscles relax and the tension slowly left his body with each word the man breathed out. He was staring down at the mic in his hand, being held against his mouth, making it seem like his eyes were closed. Oikawa couldn’t really tell, simply focusing on how peaceful his face looked when he sang the song. Oikawa nearly tensed again once he saw his eyes open, giving him the appearance of a half-lidded expression. He saw his gaze flit across the room, across the patrons diligently or casually listening as they drank or chatted with friends.

Oikawa sipped his drink, and hesitantly looked up, noticing Sugawara’s eyes widen in recognition when they landed on Oikawa. He managed a small smile. Sugawara’s voice didn’t waver from the surprise he probably felt, he just continued to sing, pushing out his breath and his emotions as he did so.

Daichi occasionally leaned towards the mic in front of him, harmonizing with Sugawara’s words. Oikawa appreciated how soft and encouraging their voices sounded together. The guitar picked up in a more uplifting note. Sugawara’s eyes flicked back towards Oikawa.

_ “Oh, I lost my way, when you lost my love… Oh, I lost my way, when you stole my heart…” _

Oikawa sucked in a breath at the look, feeling his heart skip and his face grow warm as he stared at him, singing the chorus. Slowly, the guitar mellowed again and his voice lowered once more at the slowness of the song. He took his eyes off Oikawa, and he downed his drink, feeling the skin of his neck light up along with his face. He assumed it was an effect of the alcohol and not of Sugawara.

He listened quietly along with the other patrons as they played three other songs, the most Oikawa had heard them play live in a row. He sat, feeling calm and satisfied, like Sugawara’s voice had soothed his mind and soul. He didn’t realize he had nearly zoned out while listening to them until he heard Sugawara speak instead of sing.

“Thank you for listening! As usual for music nights, the bar will be selling whiskey half off for the next hour only!” Sugawara smiled widely, glancing towards Oikawa. He decided to take his glass back to the bar. He glimpsed toward the stage as Sugawara said something to Diachi, then headed straight for the bar. He looked away. He took a deep breath, feeling like his throat was constricting. His head was pleading for him not to sit next to him but at the same time was hoping he would.

“You know,” Sugawara sat next to him, leaning on the bar a bit. Oikawa looked at him, trying to think of something other than the glittering eyes that were staring at him. “I’m starting to think you’re stalking me.”

Oikawa’s face fell and his heart dropped into his stomach. “N-no, I--I swear that’s not what I’m trying to do--”

Sugawara laughed, and it sounded like fairy bells, whatever those would sound like. “I was just joking, don’t worry,” he put a hand on Oikawa’s arm, causing him to close his mouth. “But I appreciate you coming out to see us,” his hand lingered on the back of Oikawa’s arm before bringing it back to the bar.

“Your welcome, I guess,” he chuckled nervously.

“Can I buy you a drink?” Sugawara asked. Oikawa stared, not knowing what to say. He wanted. To buy him. A drink? “I know this might seem weird--no, I think it’s actually pretty weird,” he laughed staring at the beer bottle that was handed to them. He was turning his in his hands slowly. “But you’re, like, the only person who’s really expressed an interest in our music besides our close friends. I was wondering if I could, maybe, get to know you a bit?”

He wasn’t hitting on him, Oikawa reassured himself, no matter how conscious he was of the other man’s arm next to his own. He swallowed. “I’m not that interesting…”

“Oh, bullshit, everyone’s interesting to someone else.” He paused. “For starters, why are you so into our music?” He shrugged nonchalantly.

Oikawa chuckled, about to say some fluff that didn’t really mean anything, but he felt guilty at the thought of saying it to him. He rubbed the nail of his thumb against the beer bottle’s wrapper as he thought of words that would make sense together. “I, uh… for one, I think your songs are beautiful, they really connect with me. But, um…” he tightened his grip on his bottle. “I’ve been in a tough place recently, and I think your music has helped me through some of it…”

“...Wow. That’s just… wow.” Oikawa looked at him hesitantly. He had less of a sympathetic look and more of one of understanding. “To be honest with you,” his smile turned sad. “I started writing songs in high school after… I went through something…” He looked down at his hands. “I didn’t really know how to deal with my… emotions, so I put it into words. I kind of always hoped my songs would help someone like they helped me.”

“I’m sorry,” Oikawa said quietly, vague sadness flooding into his mind at the thought, but it still hurt to see Sugawara look dejected like this.

“It’s in the past,” he shook his head, but even he sounded like he didn’t believe it. “But, we don’t have to talk about me. What kind of things do you get up to besides coming to see me?” He said with a grin. Oikawa almost choked on his beer, but he indulged him, telling him about his job and his tiny apartment and his very few but very close friends. Sugawara, in turn, told him he had a job too, outside the music; he worked as a barista to try to pay his bills, along with Daichi who had a job at a toy store. But recently, he said, his long-term girlfriend Michimiya has moved in with him, and he started complaining. About various problems that had arised, including two different instances where he found not-men’s underwear in the couch. Oikawa laughed aloud. Now onto their second beers, Oikawa was feeling looser than before, attempting to joke more. Sugawara was laughing and smiling, making Oikawa’s heart swell. He offered to buy him a drink this time, picking out a half-off whiskey for an enthusiastic Sugawara.

Oikawa couldn’t help but notice how much their shoulders bumped together. Blushes came to his cheeks each time he leaned on Oikawa’s arm, each time he smiled widely or laughed at something he said. It came to his mind that, barely into his third drink with a harsh glow on his face, Sugawara might be a lightweight.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m not drunk yet,” he giggled. “Kind of want to be, though, I haven’t gotten drunk in a long time.”

Oikawa nodded. “Me too. But I don’t like being out of control, like that. I tend to make stupid decisions.”

“Stupid decisions are good sometimes,” Sugawara breathed out, his face a little closer to Oikawa’s than a normal person’s personal space. He swallowed.

“Usually I end up regretting it.”

“Will you regret it tomorrow?” He felt Sugawara’s hand fall from his shoulder and run down his back; a shiver went down the length of his spine.

“Regret what?” Their voices had gotten quieter than before.

“If I go home with you.”

Something in Oikawa’s stomach flipped several times, and he felt like he had to throw up. He couldn’t be serious. He waited for the silver-haired boy to laugh, to smile into the joke, to tear away from him. And he did smile, but it was low and mischievous.

“What about Daichi-san? Don’t you have to go home with him?” He asked shakily. He didn’t know how he felt about hooking up with Sugawara-san. Actually he did, but he was scared. Scared he would fall harder for the man after learning how good he was in bed. Whereas for Sugawara, this was probably a one time thing. This was a throw-away for him. This was just another night, another guy. There would be more nights and more guys. Sure, there might be for Oikawa, too, but none of them would ever make him feel for them how he felt right now for the guy in front of him.

Sugawara shrugged again. “It’s Michimiya--Daichi’s girlfriend’s--birthday tomorrow, and I really hate, out of all the things they might do, listening to them get all sweet and sappy and stuff. Grosses me out.” Did he mean it grossed him out because it was his friend or in general? Because Oikawa knew he wanted to do grossly sweet and sappy shit with  _ him _ .

He took a deep breath and downed his whiskey, wincing as the strong burn of alcohol spilled down his throat. He stood. Sugawara grinned and stood, doing the same. This was the worst idea he’s ever had. This was probably going to be the worst mistake of his life. It was probably going to hurt him, and even though he knew that, he was still doing it. Why? As some sort of punishment to himself? Just to feel something? Just because he knew nothing would actually ever happen with Sugawara and this was the best he was going to get?

They walked out of the bar, the night air feeling cool against his cheeks. Sugawara hung onto his arm as they went to the bus stop.

“Whoa,” he stumbled over the curb and giggled, throwing an arm around Oikawa’s shoulder. He was six or seven centimeters shorter than him, but it didn’t seem to matter to him.

“Are you okay to do this?” Oikawa hoped to anything out there he would say no and call all this off.

“I’m still conscious, aren’t I?” The answer didn’t sit well with him. Sugawara laughed. “I’m drunk, not drugged. I can still make a few critical thinking decisions,” he tapped his finger to his temple and leaned into Oikawa. He almost felt like crying with how much he wanted this, to be able to touch Sugawara like this, holding him with an arm around his waist and his hair brushing against his jaw. It made him feel weak and warm and cold all at the same time. Sugawara leaned against his shoulder on the bus ride to his apartment, humming as if he was about to fall asleep. He played with the fingers of Oikawa’s one hand, and he stared at the ceiling, taking a deep breath to try to calm down.

It felt like he made it to his apartment in no time, closing the door behind the two of them and feeling Sugawara’s lips press into his. He was surprised at first; the shock prevented him from moving swiftly for the first few moments. He wrapped his hands around the shorter’s waist, wanting to savor the kiss. Sugawara wasn’t rushing, which he appreciated. But he bit his bottom lip, breathing hot air on him once he let go. He leaned into him to go further into his apartment making him realize:  _ this was really happening _ . They backed up into the room, Sugawara pushing off Oikawa’s jacket and already throwing off his own shirt, leaving them on the floor. A rush of excitement sprinted up and down Oikawa’s nervous system, making the skin on his arms stand on end. Oikawa lifted his arms once Sugawara pushed up his shirt, running his hands over his chest and humming.  _ This was really happening. _

He sat on his bed, looking up at the other man softly, the moonlight from his single window behind him making his face glow like an angel. He swallowed. Sugawara gave him a smile, surprisingly one that was warm and not filled with the desire he thought it’d be. He lightly pushed on his shoulders, and Oikawa fell back onto the bed, letting Sugawara bend over him and plant a soft, sweet kiss to his lips. He relaxed into it, keeping his eyes closed when he felt those lips kiss his jaw, then his collar, and travel down past his navel. He felt him undo his jeans and give a wet kiss to the skin above the waistband of his boxer-briefs before he pulled them down.  _ This was really happening. _

Oikawa tried his best to ignore all the warnings and blaring alarms going off in his head, telling him that this wasn’t just a bad idea, but a  _ very  _ bad idea; it was easier to ignore once he felt the pleasure of Sugawara’s mouth. He let the alcohol and the hormones make his mind and his judgement fuzzier and fuzzier.

He lazily opened his eyes, his breathing stuttering, and reached for the stand next to his bed to get lube and a condom. Sugawara took them from his hands and stood back up to kiss him, tongue slowly brushing his. He breathed him in when he felt his hands travel below his hips. He could smell the alcohol on his breath, but behind that was the smell of something sweet like tea and cookies. Maybe he had a sweet tooth.

He began sucking on the skin of Oikawa’s neck, who moaned at the pressure of his fingers. This was really happening. He was about to have sex with the guy he’s been thinking about for weeks. It almost felt creepy to him, like he had come onto him too strong, even though he technically wasn’t the one who made the first move.

Things quickened, and before he knew it, he was leaning back against his pillows, Sugawara between his legs, looking down at him. Despite the darkness of his room, this was the first time he was able to look at the man’s body after he had disrobed, now completely. His skin was pale and smooth, similar to a creamy substance. Moles trailed down his skin almost like some constellation telling Oikawa how divine this man was. He was absolutely beautiful, and his lustful hazel eyes didn’t help that fact.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Sugawara breathed, pink having bloomed across his cheekbones and collar. He waited for Oikawa to give him an okay. He nodded.

The entire time Sugawara was on top of him, each time Oikawa moaned, his arms desperately around the other’s neck, his mind could only speak of one thing, over and over:  _ I love you, I love you, I love you _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as a fun little bonus i've made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1VBrZExwFBxdl0QmDvrQCs?si=lTH-fPSBSE242fQHrRp5xg) of the songs featured in here in the order they're mentioned/appear! i hope you like these songs!


	4. Alice by the Hudson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first and ONLY chapter that warrants the thoughts of self harm tag so please be wary when you read it. this chapter probably features oikawa's roughest time, so it can really only go up from here! warning for a panic attack he has at the beginning of this chapter, and a warning for people with emetophobia- he throws up. i promise the poor boy will feel happiness sooner or later. at least he gets some sexy times towards the end of this chapter (about as explicit as last chapter, which is to say, as not explicit as i can make a sex scene). this chapter is based on the song Alice by the Hudson by AJR

Oikawa woke up to his alarm. He had work today. But once he looked over and saw the most pleasant face he’s ever seen next to him, he thought he would die from suffocation. He took a deep breath and sat up, watching out of the corner of his eye as Sugawara groaned and turned over. He pinched his eyes tighter, then opened them slowly as he noticed an intrusion of sunlight from the window.

“What time is it?” he grumbled.

“Six-thirty. I have work.”

“Ah, fuck, so do I.” He sat up.

“Um… Sugawara-san…”

“Call me Suga. Everyone does,” he leaned over Oikawa and nibbled at his earlobe. He closed his eyes at the affection, suddenly feeling like he would break if he moved too abruptly. “Up for a round two?”

“What time do you have to be at work?”

Suga paused and groaned, leaning his forehead on Oikawa’s bare shoulder. “Seven.”

“What?! You-- Sugawa--Suga-san, you have to go--not to kick you out, or anything--”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re just like Daichi,” he snickered and jumped out of the bed, sliding on his clothes from the night before. Oikawa swallowed as he watched him get ready, feeling his chest flutter at the sight of his slender legs bouncing up and down in his jeans.

“Do--do you want me to walk you to the bus stop? Call you a car, or something?”

“I’ll be fine,” Suga smiled at him, the look soft and somewhat caring, considering the situation. He lifted a hand to the side of Oikawa’s face. His breath hitched at the feeling of Suga’s fingers brushing across his face. His eyes, to Oikawa, were full of wonder and curiosity and wide deep emotions that he expressed through his music. He placed a kiss on Oikawa’s lips. It was gentle and tender. Oikawa bit his tongue, trying not to breathe. “You’re sweet,” Suga whispered. Oikawa stood when he did and walked him to the door. Suga smiled and waved as he left, not saying anything else. And Oikawa didn’t either. Instead he closed the door as slowly as he could and stared at the metal of it before he fell to his knees. The hard floor shot pain through the bones in his legs. He ignored it as he gasped for air, crying out into his hands.

It hurt. It hurt so much. Not the pain in his legs, the echo of it was already starting to feel numb. But the pain that exploded in his chest. Seeing Suga leave, knowing he was so  _ awfully  _ in love with him, and knowing he would never see him again. See him in front of his face, in person. His shining hazel eyes that put him in a trance of freedom and serenity. His bright smile that lit up more than just the room he was in, but the dark corners of Oikawa’s heart. His soft ashen hair that he could still feel between his fingers.

He gasped and sobbed against his palms; he felt like he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t get any air into his lungs. He tasted bile at the back of his throat, too swollen to swallow, but he managed to push himself off the ground and sprint to the bathroom before he vomited into the toilet bowl. He nearly choked on his own fluids, coughing until his face turned red. He panted into his toilet, his head spinning. He felt weak, and it took all his strength not to collapse onto the bathroom floor.

He pushed himself up. His arms were shaking and his eyes kept spilling tears. He ran the water in his sink, gathering it in his fragile hands to rinse his face and mouth. He felt defeated, like his lungs were split open and his heart was deflated. He wanted to drown himself in the water he held in his palms, but he didn’t. He dragged himself to his room. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t go anywhere today. He dialed Futakuchi’s number, knowing he wouldn’t be as worried about him as Tanaka would be. His voice rasped, and he thought, pathetically, he’d probably be more convincing to say he was sick like that. Futakuchi assured him he’d let Takeda-sensei know.

He crawled back into bed, feeling the worst he’d ever felt. He stared at the wall and squeezed his second pillow to his face, breathing in the scent still stuck to it. It smelled like him. And he knew it wouldn’t last long. He felt his eyes drift close. The places he remembered Suga touching, his warmth transferring into his own skin, felt cold. He shivered, wondering if whatever he was feeling--depression, heart break, simple self-hatred--could make him physically sick. He hoped so. He hoped physical pain would mask the emotional pain, maybe make it go away if he was lucky.

He didn’t even know he fell asleep until he heard his phone ringing. He sat up frantically, anxiety making him panic. He swallowed and took as deep of a breath as he could when he saw the caller was Tanaka. He ignored it and let his head hit the pillow again.

The next time he woke up, it was past noon, and Tanaka was calling him again. He groaned and declined it. He tried to smell the sweetness that he knew Suga carried with him, but it was already fading. He whimpered and felt his lip tremble, curling up on himself.

Tanaka sent him texts later in the day, asking if he was okay, asking if he needed to bring over soup or something else. He ignored them. He groaned at the next text he got, ready to block Tanaka’s number, but saw it was Iwaizumi instead, asking if he was free tonight to hang out with Hanamaki and Matsukawa. Hesitantly, he ignored him, too. He couldn’t remember a time when he had ever ignored Iwaizumi’s messages. As much as they threw their little quips at each other, they had never had a fight big enough to ignore each other. He could only vaguely hope Iwaizumi didn’t get angry at him or think he was angry, but his chest felt too empty to be able to care.

He was in and out of consciousness, only getting out of bed when he felt he would starve if he stayed there. He had turned off his phone a couple hours before. He hadn’t turned on any of the lights in his apartment. He drifted towards his kitchen, wondering if he had the energy to cook. He took out a cutting board, not even checking his fridge for vegetables, and took a knife into his hands. He stopped, glancing at his pale wrist, the veins appearing blue and green underneath, then his eyes traveled to the shining blade of the knife. He tightened his grip on the knife’s handle and slowly put it back into the holder. He stepped back, feeling something tightening and pulling within his chest before a new wave of tears burst out of him. He pushed the palms of his hands into his face. He was nothing. He was nothing, and he knew it, but he couldn’t bring himself to do something like that.

He shakily removed a package of ramen from his pantry before he even stopped crying, listening to the sizzle of the stove as the salty liquid from his face landed on the burner. When he drained the ramen, he spilled some of the near-boiling water on his hand. He cursed loudly, shaking it off after putting the entire pot into the sink. He ran his hand under colder water, blinking painfully. He took his bowl of ramen to his room, sitting at his desk in front of his closed laptop. He opened it, only to find it on Dice’s website. He closed it immediately. He ate in silence, watching his chopsticks tangle and untangle the noodles before he put them in his mouth.

As darkness creeped into his window, he heard a banging at his door. He jumped in his chair, afraid it was a burglar. But, like last time, it was not a burglar. The banging continued.

“Oikawa! I know you’re in there!” It was Iwaizumi. Oikawa let out a strangled, helpless noise and bit his lip as he stared into his lap. The banging continued. He thought he even heard him try the door knob. Oikawa was surprised he remembered to lock it earlier. “Oikawa, please!” He whipped his head up. Iwaizumi never really said please or thank you to him. He stood cautiously, starting to worry for his friend. He shuffled towards his door. He hadn’t gotten dressed this morning and was in the boxers he slept in. He unlocked it and opened it. Iwaizumi rushed in, pausing when he noticed Oikawa almost naked.

“What’s going on?” He didn’t sound exactly worried or like he was interrogating him. Oikawa lifted a shoulder, not saying anything. “You haven’t answered my texts or my calls. I called your work and Tanaka-san said you called in sick. Are you sick?”

“Sure,” he mumbled, barely audible. His voice was still raw and rasping.

“How?” He stepped closer, inspecting his face. Irritation creeped up Oikawa’s arms, and he huffed and pushed him away.

“What does it matter?”

Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes. “It matters because you’re my friend.” He grabbed for Oikawa’s arm who just shook him off.

“Just go away.”

“What?”

“Just fuck  _ off _ , Iwaizumi! I don’t want you here!” He yelled, the anger seemingly coming out of nowhere. Iwaizumi’s face hardened, and he slammed the door behind him, still standing inside. The force behind it temporarily struck fear into Oikawa’s heart.

“No.” He kicked his shoes off and reached for Oikawa again, who backed away.

“Go  _ away _ ,” his voice cracked this time, and he knew the dam within him was going to flood over again. “Go away,” he repeated, not having enough energy this time to shake off Iwaizumi’s hold on his wrist. His knees shook before he fell to the floor. “Go away…” He started crying again. God, he was so pathetic. All he could do was cry. He felt Iwaizumi’s arms around him, helping him up and leading him back to his bedroom. He tucked him back into his bed and slid in with him. He held him to him, comforting him as best he could. Oikawa sobbed into his best friend’s shirt until he fell asleep again.

When he awoke, he was too tired and dehydrated to cry anymore. He didn’t know what time it was, but it was dark. He sat up, feeling mentally exhausted and sore, most likely from the lack of nutrients in his body. He heard some clammer in his kitchen and turned his head, noticing from the corner of his eye a glass of water on the stand next to his bed. He reached for it, almost dropping it from his hand, quickly bringing his other hand to meet it and spilling water on his blanket. He stared at it, too numb to even react. He took a sip, then another, then realized how thirsty he was and drank the rest of it. He grunted as he tried to stand out of his bed. Iwaizumi peeked into the room and rushed to his side, pushing him back into the comfort of his sheets.

“No, you’re not getting up.”

“Don’t depressed people need to move around?” Oikawa said blandly.

“Nope, not you. You’ve been treating yourself like shit all day, you’re making yourself sick.” He pushed his hair off his forehead so he could feel it. Iwaizumi’s palm felt slightly cooler, making him shiver. “See? You’re running a slight fever.” He rummaged through Oikawa’s drawers before pulling out three pieces of clothes. He stared at him. “Stand up.”

“You just told me not to--”

“Just get the fuck up.” He did as he was told. Iwaizumi put a shirt on him and threw a clean pair of underwear at him, refusing to put it on him, then helped put on some sweatpants. “Now get back into bed. I’m making you tea and soup. Then I’m going to sit here until you eat it all even if I have to force it down your throat.”

Oikawa glared at him but didn’t object. So he ate all his soup when it was ready, and slowly sipped his tea. When he drank a satisfying enough amount, Iwaizumi stood.

“I’ll be  _ right back _ . You  _ stay _ . Keep drinking. I’m leaving a water bottle here.”

Oikawa, as diligent and obedient as he was, did as he was told, all the way until Iwaizumi came back with a bag of his clothes, presumably prepared to stay the night. He made sure Oikawa brushed his teeth and washed his face, putting him through his nightly routine when he couldn’t make himself do it. When he put him to bed, and got into it with him, Oikawa stared at the sheets between them, thinking about how just the night before, Suga lied where he rested now. It felt like years ago.

“I love him,” he said aloud for the first time, even if it came out softly.

“Who?” Iwaizumi said just as quietly so he could listen to whatever Oikawa would tell him next.

“Sugawara-san…” He swallowed back sandpaper and began to tell Iwaizumi what happened, but only after giving the full context. About everything he’d done, everything that happened to him, everything that happened between them. Iwaizumi didn’t say anything, didn’t even react in any big way, he simply listened. And then when Oikawa was finished, he hugged him. He held him like he knew he wanted to be held.

Iwaizumi called him out of work for the next two days, saying he was going to help him. Oikawa didn’t know what that meant because hadn’t he already been helping him?

“I called in reinforcements,” Iwaizumi stated the next morning, right on cue for a knock on the door. Oikawa’s face fell expecting the worse. He didn’t want anyone else to know about him or see him like this. Iwaizumi and Tanaka were bad enough. Oikawa stayed in his bed, not wanting to get yelled at by Iwaizumi again. Iwaizumi answered the door and Oikawa heard the voices of their other two friends. It was what he expected. He sighed frustratedly and put his head in his hands.

“Hey, man,” Matsukawa’s voice came from somewhere in his room, then he felt the bed next to him dip. It happened again by his feet, and he assumed Hanamaki also sat. “Heard you’re not feeling too well.”

“You could’ve told us you weren’t doing well, and we would’ve given you some help,” Hanamaki chimed in.

Oikawa’s hands fell from his face and into his lap. He stared at them. “I don’t need help,” he muttered. “This is something I have to deal with on my own.”

“Bullshit,” Iwaizumi crossed his arms. “How long would it have taken you on your own to go outside or go to work or fucking eat? You need help and we’re going to give it to you whether you want it or not.”

“Yeah. You’re our beloved shitty friend, and we’re not going to let you be shitty all on your own,” Matsukawa smiled. Oikawa stared at him blandly but appreciated the sentiment a little bit anyway.

“First thing’s first. When was the last time you showered?” Iwaizumi asked. Oikawa looked at the wall in thought.

“Saturday?” It was Tuesday. Iwaizumi scrunched his face in disgust and pulled him out of bed.

“One thing’s for sure, I’m not going in the shower with you, but I know Hanamaki wouldn’t hesitate to do that.”

Hanamaki grinned; the look edged on the line between mischievous and downright evil. Oikawa looked at him uneasily. He didn’t know what Iwaizumi exactly meant; did he just want someone to watch him so they made sure he did it? Whatever he had planned, Hanamaki probably wasn’t thinking the same thing. All Matsukawa and Iwaizumi heard from the bathroom once the water started was:

“I can undress myself!”

“Mm, I don’t know~”

“Stop it!” A pause. “You don’t have to get in with me! Go away!”

“Oh, but I have to make sure our little Tooru is safe.”  
“I’ll be safe enough if you get out--don’t touch me! I can wash myself!”

“Can I at least wash your hair?”

“Don’t you  _ dare  _ touch my hair!” Hanamaki cackled. “Stop touching me!”

“Wow, you really haven’t gotten an ass since high school, have you?”

“Shut up!”

The two came out of the bathroom shortly after, Oikawa looking slightly irritated, but at least in a better mood. Hanamaki looked smug. He changed, grumbling about how he was being watched and criticised at every turn. Once the four left the house, they hopped into Matsukawa’s car.

“Where are we going, anyway?” Oikawa asked.

“Minigolfing,” Iwaizumi answered.

“Minigolfing? Are we fifteen again going on a double date or something?”

“Issei knows someone at the minigolf course,” Hanamaki said, looking back from the passenger seat with a hand on Matsukawa’s seat. “We’re getting a discount.”

Oikawa thought he hated minigolfing. He didn’t like golfing in general, and he hadn’t played in years. He didn’t think any of them had. He was only playing half-heartedly until he got a lucky hole in one on their third whole. He gloated to Iwaizumi proudly, who cursed at him. The change in attitude surprised him a bit--his own, not his friends. He wasn’t sure if he had naturally put up his happy boy facade, until he realized he was laughing along with Hanamaki when Matsukawa hit his ball into the small pond. Maybe hanging out with his friends like this did make him feel better. It didn’t just have to be listening to Dice by himself or to be comforted like Iwaizumi had been doing in order to feel happier.

They played for what felt like hours; Matsukawa was up for doing a second course, but the rest of them were rather tired.

“Oh, they sell ice cream here!” Hanamaki exclaimed after seeing a sign in the building when handing back their clubs. So they got ice cream. Oikawa decided on a green tea flavor, which was surprisingly green and flavorful. He made fun of Iwaizumi for being basic when he just got chocolate.

“We should tell them,” he heard from behind them. He looked over his shoulder to Hanamaki and Matsukawa, who were talking quietly together, their ice creams close to their faces.

“What, right now?” Hanamaki asked.

“Maybe… sooner better than later right?”

“I--I guess so…” Oikawa stared at them quizzically, as did Iwaizumi next to them. They looked up, apparently having known they were getting stared at anyway but not really caring.

“We have something to tell you guys,” Hanamaki said. He swallowed, looking uncharacteristically nervous. He seemed to be preparing himself, but didn’t open his mouth to say anything. Matsukawa glanced at him unsurely before speaking up instead.

“We’ve been dating.”

Iwaizumi blinked. “Who?”

“Each other,” Hanamaki lifted a shoulder.

“Wha--for how long?”

“Since the beginning of summer?” Hanamaki offered.

“Oh--” Oikawa blinked several times before putting his body in motion. “Oh my goodness!” He clutched his chest dramatically, as if holding onto pearls. “I finally have a gay best friend!” He threw his arms around the two of them who chuckled. Iwaizumi let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. When Oikawa pulled away, he wiped away fake tears, but some real ones escaped. He guessed he still had some hydration left in his body after all.

“Why didn’t you guys at least tell us you were gay? Well, we knew Mattsun,” Oikawa waved him off. “But Makki?”

“I just… didn’t know I guess,” he shared a glance with Matsukawa. “We were just high one night and things… happened.”

“Things?” Oikawa lifted an incriminating eyebrow. Matsukawa rolled his eyes.

“Not those things. We still haven’t really…” He glanced at Hanamaki who bit his lip nervously.

“Makki.” Oikawa put a hand on his shoulder and the other on his chest. “I can give you  _ tips _ ,” he winked hard to make it as noticeable as possible. The boys laughed together and finished their ice creams, heading back to the other two boys’ apartment to play some video games, which Oikawa only really played when he was over there. Iwaizumi went home with Oikawa, who assured him he was fine, but his friend refused to leave and stayed another night. He said he had planned for them (the next day) just a day to themselves, where they could sit around and watch movies and order food. The new day prompted Oikawa’s mood to sadden slightly, so he was grateful for just staying inside, cuddling up to his best friend. Though several times he felt his phone go off (Iwaizumi kept his volume silenced because he said it annoyed him).

“Who are you texting? A girl?”

Iwaizumi snorted. “No.” He sent a reply to whoever it was.

Oikawa gasped. “A boy?!”

Iwaizumi paused, his face uncertain at the intonation Oikawa used. “Uh, no?”

“Iwa-chan, how does it feel to be the only straight one in our friend group? Do you feel oppressed?” Oikawa said it more so jokingly as he shifted his position more comfortably against Iwaizumi’s chest and observed the happenings of the movie they were watching.

“No, since when have straight people ever been oppressed?”

“Hmm. Then do you feel left out?”

Iwaizumi thought for a moment. “I don’t think so. It’s not like I have a problem with any of you not being straight, and it’s not like you’ll kick me out.” Oikawa hummed, hugging his torso. “Plus it’s not like I’m the only one who likes girls, unless you have something to tell me. And I don’t know if Hanamaki is still questioning.”

Oikawa giggled. “Rest assured, I still like boobs.” They finished watching their movie, then played a game on Oikawa’s laptop. But it was more like Iwaizumi played it with Oikawa encouraging him every so often. It was nice to be like this with his friend. His closest friend. It was comforting, and he wouldn’t tell Iwaizumi simply because he was so stubborn, but he felt happier and liked Iwaizumi’s presence.

He pouted when Iwaizumi packed up his stuff and headed towards the door. They both moved into a hug at the same time. Oikawa tried not to squeeze too tight or linger too long. Iwaizumi gave him a final squeeze.

“Remember to call me,” he whispered next to Oikawa’s ear. “Everyday. Even if we only say hi.” He patted his back and pulled away. “Get ready for me to annoy the shit out of you.” Oikawa rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the smile that was on his face. He kind of didn’t want Iwaizumi to leave. He was scared what would happen if his friend wasn’t there, constantly by his side. He closed the door and shook his head. He couldn’t rely on his friends for happiness. Not all the time, at least. He retreated back into his relatively clean bedroom. He sat on his bed and picked up his phone, clicking on his music app. His fingers hovered over Dice’s album. His shoulders tensed and he picked up his headphones. He hesitantly pressed the play button.

He sat, unmoving and scared to take a breath as one of the songs on the album started to play. He listened to it, waiting for some harsh emotional reaction to burst from him, but even after sitting there for a few seconds, it didn’t. Suga’s voice didn’t come into the song until thirty seconds into it, but even then, Oikawa didn’t feel his body react. He exhaled deeply and fell back into his bed.

_ “Wasted, wasted love, you had so much to give for giving me time…” _

Oikawa took a shaky breath. Maybe this wasn’t the right song to listen to right now. But he continued anyway. Maybe it would help him heal, he considered. Matsukawa suggested he could use music to do that, and at the time, all he thought of was Dice’s music, despite what was on his mind. He let the song play. He stood, putting his phone in the pocket of his sweatpants while he traversed into the kitchen to get an early start on dinner. Chop up a couple vegetables, cook up some rice. Something simple.

He got out his cutting board and reached for the knife. He stopped his hand, staring at the knife’s handle before taking it and bouncing on his feet to try to lighten his mood. He was mostly confident in himself that he wouldn’t hurt himself. He assured himself it was just a moment’s weakness; even if he knew that the depression would probably stick with him for a long time, as it already has, those thoughts only came when he was at his worst. And if it only came so infrequently, he was sure he wouldn’t do it by how little (hypothetically) he would even think about it.

He hummed to the song as he cut some broccoli.

_ “Baby all the other boys they don’t see what I see. Now won’t you say you see it in me, tamarinds and skinny jeans… Oh, won’t you be my summer love…” _

He paused. Summer love. His brows furrowed, a strained feeling in his chest as he breathed. He swallowed and shook his head once more, grabbing a pot and filling it with water before letting it boil. He vaguely wondered what tamarinds were, but didn’t worry too much about it.

He spilled the broccoli into the pot then came to a stop when he heard the next lyrics of the song:

_ “I’ll keep you safe. And don’t be afraid of the love that you have, I won’t let you down like the other boys did. I found you, darling I found you oh…” _

He bit his lip. He never really paid attention to this song since it was a love song, but now, after what happened, it almost seemed to have a different connotation than before. He let out a rough laugh. Of course it did. He sniffed, not exactly crying, but not feeling the greatest either. He breathed deeply. No, that was wrong, he felt fine, just a little heart broken. Besides the physical pain in his chest, he was rather fine.

He had to check what the name of the song was to remind himself since the title wasn’t mentioned in the lyrics. Ah, Alice by the Hudson. Hmm.

He let his dinner cook while browsing Instagram. He frowned at the fact that he hadn’t posted in a while. His notifications consisted of a few likes on his older posts, a tag by Hanamaki--he posted a couple pictures they took at the golf course--and a follow. He felt all warmth leave him when he saw the username of the person. Suga.k. He clicked on the profile. It was private. It was probably his personal account. He clicked the follow button before he could stop himself. He put his phone down quickly, staring at it. He closed Instagram and didn’t open it no matter what.

He laid in bed that night, staring at his ceiling. He was dreading work tomorrow. He knew Tanaka was going to pester him about the days he was gone. And he was right. The moment he walked into the tea shop, Tanaka’s face grew both hopeful and worried. Oikawa raised a curious eyebrow, determined not to talk about anything serious today.

“Hey, are you doing okay? You never answered me--”

“I’m fine, Tana-chan. But if it’s okay with you, I’d rather not talk about it,” he said quietly with a smile towards Takeda-sensei who was sitting in his office. He went to the back and put on his apron, seeing Futakuchi tying his own lazily as he read something on his phone. He barely looked up, nodding to Oikawa with a small smile. Oikawa went back out to the front, Futakuchi following shortly.

“I’m leaving early today. Tanaka-san, I can trust you to close?”

“Yup, I’m scheduled to close anyway.”

“Why?” Oikawa plucked one of the featured gummy candies off the shelf and plopped it in his mouth. Futakuchi glared at him shortly, but it didn’t contain much anger.

“I have a date.”

“A date? You date people?”

He sighed. “Yes, I date people. I’m a normal person, aren’t I?” Oikawa and Tanaka shared a look of disbelief. They didn’t think so. Futakuchi huffed. “Just get to work before we have our first customer.”

Oikawa and Tanaka snickered but did as they were told. They were relatively busy compared to other mornings they had. Takeda-sensei informed them that there was a sort of tea convention coming up. He seemed really excited for it. Oikawa smirked at his excitement and turned to their now empty store. Their last customer left a couple minutes ago.

“Hmm,” Tanaka said, approximately twenty minutes later. “I guess the tea rush passed?” Oikawa snorted. And took the order of a tall man and a nervous woman next to him. Must be on their lunch break. He eavesdropped on their conversation when they sat, turning to Tanaka to make it seem like he was talking to him instead. It seemed like they were on a date. Oikawa sighed and chatted with Tanaka about small things, if he’s found any new artists, checked out new restaurants with his girlfriend. Oikawa nodded then turned his head when he saw out of the corner of his eye a black car pulling up to the curb outside of their shop. He stared as a very tall man with blond hair and glasses walked out and leaned against the hood. He lifted a hand to the shop, though Oikawa was sure he meant it towards someone in the shop.

“Who the hell is that?” Tanaka said.

“That’s my ride,” Futakuchi retreated into the back. Oikawa’s mouth fell open, and he looked at Tanaka, who looked the same. Futakuchi came back moments later without his apron and with his wallet in his hand. He waved to Takeda and left the store, approaching the blond who snaked a hand around his waist and leaned in for a kiss. He muttered something to the taller man, looking annoyed, but the stranger just smirked and nodded to the remaining employees in the store.

“Oh my god,” Oikawa muttered after the two got in the car and drove away. “I was so sure Futakuchi-san was straight.”

“Bro, so did I,” Tanaka shook his head and leaned on the counter.

“You think that’s, like, his boyfriend, or they only started dating?”

“I don’t know. You’d think if he had a boyfriend he’d at least mention him a bit.”

“Right.” Oikawa leaned back on the register. He got bored after a while, and set his phone on the counter, staring at the various social media apps on his phone until he heard the bell at the door. He whipped his head up, shuffled to the cash register, and put on a smile before completely registering who it was.

“Hi, how can--” he froze, his smile falling from his face. Suga gave him a hopeful look, but winced when he saw Oikawa’s expression.

“Um, hi.”

“Hi…”

“Can I talk to you? Outside, maybe?”

Oikawa slowly turned his head, looking at Tanaka almost for permission. He wasn’t sure what his expression looked like now, but Tanaka’s face became more stern with some worry brushed across it. He gave a vague nod in the direction of the front of the store. Oikawa nodded to Suga and followed him outside, clutching his phone in his hand.

He stared at the back of the boy’s head, eyes trailing over every stray strand of hair or highlight that shone across his hair. He turned around at the corner of the outside of the store, and suddenly Oikawa’s eyes were on his.

“So, uh…” Why did he look so nervous? What did he have to be nervous about?

“How did you find me?” Oikawa blurted out.

“I kind of internet stalked you? I never got your number,” he laughed nervously. “Um, this might be really strange… Usually after hookups I just never speak to the person again--well to start, I, uh, have this habit of having sex with people I’m attracted them and refusing to get close to them, which usually hurts both parties involved so, uh…” he shifted. “I’m sorry. If I hurt you at all.” Oikawa’s mouth almost fell open. Not only did he expect Suga to talk to him again in a million years, but he was apologizing for hurting him without even knowing how he was feeling. He wanted to cry, but instead he swallowed back the wetness piling up in his mouth.

“I’m reaching out to you like this because… I want to try to change, I guess. I’ve been wanting to for a while, but… I was too much of a coward…” Oikawa watched his hands fumble over each other as he used them to gesture while talking. He thought it was pretty cute, but he felt a sense of unease when the other man called himself a coward.

“But what made me, um, get the courage, I guess?” He chuckled to try to release some of the tension in the air, but it stayed. “I just… I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he was looking down now, away from Oikawa’s eyes. “This might be weird coming from a guy whose music you listen to and a guy you slept with, but, um, I’d like to get to know you more. Maybe go out? If that’s cool with you.” He looked back up at Oikawa’s face.

Oikawa wasn’t sure how to feel. Hurt? Longing? Relief? Disgust? All he could really distinguish was the wariness he felt about the situation.

“I did want that,” he found himself saying. “But right now…” he rubbed the back of his neck for lack of anything else to do. “I’m kind of going through some stuff… I think… I need to think about it…”

“Of course,” Suga said, his stance inflating for a moment. “Take all the time you need. I--I understand if you don’t want to.” Oikawa nodded awkwardly. “Oh, I guess we should exchange numbers, right?” He smiled, and Oikawa felt the insides of his stomach grow warm. He handed his phone to Oikawa who entered in his number, blinking fast, and Oikawa did the same.

“Alright well… I’ll let you get back to work. I guess I’ll, uh, see you later?”

“Yeah,” Oikawa breathed out. No matter how he felt right now, he knew he wanted to see him again, even if it hurt him. He went inside, not watching Suga leave. He shakily leaned against the counter, facing the wall. 

“Are you okay? Who was that?” Tanaka came over and put a hand on Oikawa’s arm. He almost wanted to laugh. What a loaded question. But he was fine, he was fine. He was only a little out of breath. He swallowed. He took out his phone.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” Tanaka grabbed his arm.

“Oikawa-san.”

“I’m fine Tana-chan. I’ll be out in a few,” he gave a wavering smile and retreated to the confines of the bathroom. He dialed Iwaizumi’s number.

“Oikawa? Aren’t you at work right now?”

“He came here.”

“What?”

“Suga-san. He came to my work.”

“What? Are you serious? Do you want me to go to his house?”

“No, no,” Oikawa wiped his eyes. “I just… I don’t know what to do.”

“What did he say? Did he do anything to you?”

“N-no, he asked to go out…”

“Like on a date?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

A pause. “And what did you say?” Iwaizumi’s voice was calm, but Oikawa knew he was probably preparing to look up Suga’s address as they spoke.

“I told him I’d think about it.”

“But you want to.”

Oikawa squeezed his eyes shut. He knew none of these feelings he felt right now were Suga’s fault. Nothing was. Except maybe the hooking up with him part. But Oikawa could’ve easily denied his advances and kept their relationship civil. He was the one who fell in love with Suga, and he couldn’t blame him for that. Well, he could definitely try, but he knew it wasn’t actually his fault.

“Yes,” he whispered. He heard Iwaizumi sigh.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea… After what happened--”

“But that was me!” Oikawa insisted. “He didn’t do anything to hurt me, it was my own feelings and stuff.”

Another pause. “Oikawa. I can’t tell you what to do or what not to do. You can see him if you really want to, I just don’t think it’s good for you. Where you’re at right now… I think you need some time.”

Oikawa blinked and sniffed. He didn’t think he’d be here trying to convince Iwaizumi that he wanted to do this when just a few minutes ago he felt unsure. Maybe, he thought, he had to face his feelings head on. With Sugawara. He straightened, having sat on the ground a few minutes ago.

“Okay. I’m going to take some time. Like, a couple days.”

“I don’t think that’s enough time.” Oikawa didn’t answer, causing Iwaizumi to sigh again. “But if you think you can deal with that, then I’ll leave it up to you. I’m coming over Friday night, okay? With the boys. We’ll have a boys night. Probably at their place because yours can fit a family of hamsters at most.”

“Ha ha,” Oikawa stifled a laugh, his voice still thick from crying. Though he was proud of himself for not having a full-out breakdown. It was proof he was improving. The two said their goodbyes, and Oikawa stared at himself in the mirror, dabbing with a wet paper towel and hoping the chill of the water would bring down the swelling around his eyes. He took a deep breath and went back to work.

He made himself some pasta salad for dinner, something he learned from an American on youtube. He hummed to himself. It was pretty good. He had to buy the strange curly pasta from the international aisle in the grocery store if he was going to make it, but it was relatively cheap. He sat at his desk to eat, feeling an irritation deep in his chest. His routine consisted of making dinner for himself (which was actually a pretty big step up from those weeks he lived on packaged ramen), sitting in front of his laptop in the dark, and then maybe watching a movie before bed. He frowned. Maybe what he needed was some socialization. He laughed at the thought when he remembered Tanaka saying that exact same thing to him. He guessed it was meant to be.

He glanced around his room, opening his closet to find a good going-out outfit. He figured jeans and a shirt was fine. He checked his hair and stared until he was satisfied that he wouldn’t change his mind. He grabbed his keys and wallet and headed out. He checked the bus routes for the direction he wanted to go. He hadn’t been to the local gay bar in a while. Local as in there was only one in a thirty mile radius, and it was relatively underground. Took twenty or so minutes to get there. Oikawa felt like his skin was tingling already. He hadn’t been out like this in a while, not to mention he didn’t know if the scene had changed at all.

He stopped off at the edge of town; the lack of street lights made him a bit nervous. He hopped down some steps off the sidewalk to where a large man sat on a folding chair smoking a cigarette. He looked up at Oikawa. He squinted in the dark before standing with a chuckle.

“Tooru, man, how’ve you been?” He clapped a hand hard on Oikawa’s back. He coughed.

“Good, I’m good,” he said with a laugh.

“Haven’t been here in a while, I was worried you ran off with someone and got married.”

Oikawa shook his head with a shy grin. “No, I’ve just been dealing with life stuff.”

“Aw, man. Are you okay, though?”

“Yeah, just came to get out of the house, you know. Outside of work, anyway.”

“Yeah, I get you. Listen, I’ll catch up with you later, I’ll let you have your fun,” he smirked and pushed Oikawa through the door next to him.

The moment he was inside, music pumped around him. It was a bit jarring considering how quiet it was outside. He strayed towards the bar on his left, not wanting to head onto the hardwood floor covered in glitter and sweaty bodies.

“Oikawa? Man, I haven’t seen you in forever,” The bartender walked up to him and leaned on the counter of the bar.

“Yeah, it’s been long, hasn’t it? How’re you? How’s the boyfriend?”

He shrugged, a smirk sliding up his face. “Boyfriend’s now a husband,” he waved his wedding band in the air between them.

“You’re kidding! It seems like just yesterday you and Akaashi were having troubles moving into your first apartment together.”

Bokuto chuckled. “Those troubles are long gone, my friend. Although we only got married about a month ago, so you’re not too late on the news. But you here alone means you’re not seeing anyone, huh?”

Oikawa sucked in a breath and ducked his head. “Yeah, I’m pretty single right now.”

“You want liquor?”

“Not yet,” Oikawa shook his head, asking for a fruity drink instead. Bokuto snorted.

“Still has liquor,” he slid him his drink and walked down the bar to tend to someone else’s drinking needs. He sipped his drink for a while and turned around to peer around the dance floor. Men and women alike danced around each other. Oikawa thought he saw a girl in the far corner light a blunt, and he turned around as if to not notice it. With this bar being fairly underground, unfortunately it brought weed and other drugs along with it, which were highly illegal in Japan. Unfortunately, this was also the place that Oikawa first brought Matsukawa that coincidentally introduced him to his dealer now. He just hoped he didn’t smell of the stuff when he went home.

He listened to the music, bobbing his head slightly to the foreign words. He wasn’t so good at English, but he could appreciate the music. As he took another sip, his eyes caught onto another guy’s across the bar. He felt a hand on his back and almost jumped at the contact, looking towards his left to see a thin man in a crop top and platform boots, glitter spread across his cheekbones.

“Hey, pretty boy. Wanna dance?” Oikawa could tell just by looking him over that they both wanted the same thing but were definitely not going to get it from each other. He looked confused at Oikawa’s slightly apologetic look, then eyed his drink and realization flooded his features. He smiled.

“Ah, I get it. We’re both fruity,” he patted Oikawa’s shoulder, making him grin. “No offense taken,” he gave him a glittery smile before walking away again. Oikawa laughed to the counter and shook his head. He looked back up at the other guy across the bar hopefully. He was still watching him, and a grin spread across his face. He stood and made his way over to Oikawa. He shifted on his seat, trying to prepare himself to talk with this guy and flirt. He hadn’t genuinely done it in a long time, as long as he didn’t count the encounter with Suga.

“I assume this seat isn’t taken?” He asked. Oikawa looked up onto the tanned face. He shook his head. “You know, to an innocent bystander, you look pretty straight. Don’t seem to fit in around here.”

“Perks of liking women?” He offered with a lift of his shoulders. “But I haven’t been here in a while. Lost my touch with the scene, I guess.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” he gave Oikawa a conniving grin. The dark hair that fell over his face added to his mysterious and dangerous air. Oikawa just wanted to be pulled into that and forget anything that had crossed his mind in the past couple months.

“Can I buy you another drink?” He nodded to Oikawa’s empty glass.

“Sure,” his own grin widened at the encouraging hand moving down his back.

“Or are you looking to get drunk tonight?” The man leaned in closer, his hand now squeezing his inner thigh. Electricity ran up Oikawa’s body at the sudden contact.

“Yes,” he breathed out.

“Kuroo Tetsuro,” he introduced himself, leaning away again but not removing his hand.

“Oikawa Tooru,” he said back, swallowing away his sudden nerves. God, he felt like he had to relearn how to seduce someone again. But it wouldn’t be so hard once he was drunk, he thought. Kuroo ordered a round of shots for them, and Oikawa relished the burn of the alcohol on the back of his tongue and throat. He winced, not having had hard liquor in a while either.

“Wow,” he muttered. Kuroo laughed.

“Not a heavy drinker?”

“Not in a while, anyway,” he said, his smile already loosening up from the warmth spreading through his body.

“Would you be good with another shot?”

“Sure,” he responded mindlessly. So he had another shot without a care in the world. He probably shouldn’t be drinking away his sorrows, but he didn’t think he was particularly sorrowful today, plus it wasn’t like he was going to blackout. He mentally promised himself he wouldn’t drink anything else tonight unless it was something light like a beer.

“So why have you come back here after your long hiatus, Oikawa-san?” He put an emphasis on Oikawa’s name, making his blood rush.

“Needed a change of pace from the last couple weeks. Been… dealing with some stuff.”

“Oh? If you’re running from your problems then I won’t ask about it,” he shrugged. “We all got our own shit to worry about,” he rubbed his hand up and down Oikawa’s thigh. He exhaled, hoping he’d at least last until he got home, hopefully with this man. He was undeniably attractive, though in a different way than Suga. This guy was the definition of tall, dark, and handsome. Suga was pretty, soft, angelic. But he didn’t come here to think about Suga.

“Mhmm,” he hummed, leaning on the bar closer to Kuroo. He was tipsy, already starting to feel wobbly on the barstool he was sitting on. Kuroo chuckled.

“You dance at all?”

“Only with really hot people like you,” the words stumbled out of his mouth without thinking. Ah, he was at the non-filtered state of drunkenness.

“Good thing I’m here, then,” he took Oikawa by the hand and walked backwards to the hardwood floor in the middle of the bar. Oikawa stumbled and used Kuroo’s chest to keep himself standing.

“Sorry,” he chuckled.

“It’s okay,” Kuroo grinned and grabbed hold of his hips firmly. “I’ll keep you steady,” he whispered next to his ear. Chills went down Oikawa’s spine, and he thought he’d melt. He ran his hand up the other’s chest, feeling how toned he was underneath his fitted shirt. Oikawa suddenly felt all too aware of Kuroo’s hands on his waist and the fact that he hadn’t exercised properly in weeks.

“Aw, I’m chubby,” he pouted, snaking his arms around Kuroo’s neck and resting his cheek on his collar bone. He inhaled and the overpowering smell of the other guy’s cologne filled his nose and made his head feel fuzzy. Oh no, did he remember to put on cologne before he left?

“That’s okay,” Kuroo said, running his hands slowly up his sides. “More for me,” he said quietly. Oikawa felt a laugh bubbling up in his throat. He let his head fall back. The music around them seemed muted, and when he looked back in front of him, his eyes met Kuroo’s whose were blazing through him. Kuroo bit his lip, and Oikawa leaned his forehead on Kuroo’s.

“You’re so sexy,” he muttered to Oikawa. His voice was low and almost sounded guttural. It made Oikawa’s insides boil, igniting a hunger in him.

“Do you want to come home with me?”

“Hell yes.” So Kuroo called a car, and they leaned against each other, laughing at little words as they waited for it. Oikawa told the driver his address, and he tried to restrain himself from touching the other man all over before they got to his apartment.

Oikawa nearly stumbled up the stairs, but luckily Kuroo was there, the alcohol not affecting him nearly as much, to help him with a hand around his waist. Oikawa let out a breath, leaning into the touch. He almost tried to shove his key into the wrong door and stifled a giggle. He felt Kuroo’s arms wrap around his middle from behind and glide up his chest. He inhaled, leaning his head back on his shoulder.

“Let’s wait til we’re inside, hm?” He placed a light kiss on Oikawa’s neck, and they hurried inside, their mouths already on each other’s as they kicked off their shoes. Kuroo threw off the flannel wrapped around his hips and lost his shirt somewhere by the bathroom, prompting Oikawa to do the same. Kuroo reached for his own zipper, but Oikawa smacked his hands away, reaching for it himself and pushing him to sit on the bed by his hip. It’d been an equally long time since he’d given someone a blowjob. He hoped he still remembered the same tricks.

His head was fuzzy, and he had to blink several times to make sure he was paying enough attention to keep going. A hand wound up in his hair, tugging at it slightly and pulling it down slowly. He wrapped his hand around him instead and giggled.

“Like riding a bike,” he muttered quietly to himself. But there was no music around to muffle his speech, and Kuroo laughed loudly, almost cackling.

“Wow, you’re fun.” He pulled him up onto the bed by the waistband of his jeans, undoing them. He flipped him over onto his stomach and ripped off the rest of the clothes he had on, running his hands over his body. He bent over him and kissed over his shoulder onto his neck.

“Where do you keep--”

“Bedside table,” Oikawa breathed. He squirmed under Kuroo, itching to feel pleasure. And did he. Just the pressure of the other man’s fingers made him shove his face into his pillow. He hoped he wouldn’t be too loud for his neighbors.

The night made him forget all about Suga and the worries he had about him or even himself. It also gave him one of the best nights of sleep in a long time. He woke up groggily to some movement in his bed. It was barely light outside. He groaned and rolled over to look at the other person in his bed.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” He felt a comforting hand lightly rub his back, and he felt reluctant to open his eyes fully. He hummed instead of speaking an answer. He heard Kuroo chuckle. “I wake up early because I usually have work early.”

“What time is it?” he grumbled.

“A little after five thirty?” Kuroo offered. Oikawa whimpered and reached for the other man’s warmth, but he was already climbing out of bed. “We should do this again. Can I have your number?” Oikawa blinked slowly and reached for his phone. He unlocked it and opened a new contact. Kuroo chuckled. He took the phone in his hands and slid his own towards Oikawa. He squinted at the screen’s light, then carefully tapped out his phone number, making his contact name “better hair than you.” Kuroo glanced at it and snickered.

“This hairstyle isn’t my fault, it just comes out like that. Here,” he handed Oikawa his phone back and saw he put his name in as “Kuroo aka Best Lay of your life.” Oikawa snorted and propped himself up on his elbows.

“You’re definitely a contender.”

“Oh? And who’s the other one?”

“I dated a dominatrix in college.”

“For real? You’re into that stuff?” Oikawa shrugged with the best grin he could muster at five am. “I’ll keep that in mind for next time,” Kuroo took his chin in one hand and kissed him, his tongue intruding in his mouth, but Oikawa didn’t mind. He reached for Kuroo’s face, but he let go too soon, leaving him starved and pouting.

“I’ll see you later,” he gave a little wave. Oikawa heard scuffling by his door, then heard it close quietly. Oikawa sighed at the loss of physical touch and curled his blankets in on himself. Kuroo’s face appeared behind his eyelids next to Suga’s, but Kuroo’s slowly faded until the dust surrounded Suga like a halo. He tried his best to go back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the background futatsuki is due to another fic i read having it in the background, and it just influenced me. i think they would do wondrously evil things together. also sorry if you dont like oikuroo :(


	5. Won't Stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg sorry for taking so long to update :( i had to move into my new apartment and then classes started, which may make future updates delayed, so be warned. i was so determined to finish this chapter this weekend though and here it is! theres more oikuroo this chapter, i'm sorry if you don't like them, but oisuga finally takes off here! not a spoiler bc it's to be expected at some point lol. this chapter is inspired by Won't Stop by OneRepublic

Oikawa strutted into work, feeling good. It was one of the first mornings in a while he didn’t want to immediately climb back into bed. Last night’s happenings were still in his mind and for some reason was giving him more confidence than usual. It was the desirability, he decided. Maybe he should go out more.

“Morning,” Tanaka waved from behind the counter. He was always here so much earlier than him.

“Morning.” He nodded to both Tanaka and Futakuchi. He eyed Futakuchi and snorted. “Looks like someone had fun last night.”

The younger boy went red and slapped his hand to his neck. “I thought I covered it all.” Oikawa clicked his tongue in mock-disapproval.

“Not good enough. The foundation you used is too light for your skin tone.” Futakuchi only huffed in response.

“Who was that guy anyway?” Tanaka prodded, most likely asking about the tall blond they saw yesterday. Oikawa smirked at an embarrassed flush making an appearance high on his cheeks.

“My boyfriend,” he grumbled. Oikawa and Tanaka shared a look of shock. “Yesterday was our anniversary so we went out earlier than usual to spend the day together.”

“Aw, how disgustingly adorable,” Oikawa said, feeling something deepen in his chest at the thought of having a day with Suga.

“How long have you guys been together?” Tanaka asked. Oikawa frowned at Tanaka’s expression, feeling the effective exclusion that came from being the only single one in the room. He couldn’t even rely on Takeda because he knew he saw a ring on his hand before.

“Two years,” Futakuchi went to wipe some of the tables, visibly uncomfortable from talking about his personal life. Tanaka tried to press more into his relationship details, and Oikawa just snickered. The day at work wasn’t long but it felt like it. He didn’t work as long on Thursdays and Fridays, so he came back home feeling bored. He stripped into comfortable clothes and sat on his bed just staring at his phone. He tapped his foot on the floor and decided to send a few texts

Oikawa: iwa-chan

Oikawa: whatcha doin

OIkawa: are you still at work

Oikawa: iwa-chaaaann!!!

Oikawa: i’m bored

Oikawa: i miss having you in my bed >.<

Iwaizumi: I’m going to strangle you.

Oikawa then received a phone call from Iwaizumi. “Fuck you,” was the first thing he said.

Oikawa grinned but feigned a pout. “That’s not a way to greet someone.”

“It’s the way I greet you.” He heard a door close on the other end. “What’s up? You’re obviously doing okay. Or pretending to do so.”

Oikawa kicked his foot off the side of his bed. “I’m actually pretty good today. I got some dick last night.”

“You--who?”  
“Well, I doubt you’d know him, Iwa-chan, I met him at a gay bar. And if you did know him, I wouldn’t out him to you.”

“So… how was it?”

Oikawa gasped. “Iwaizumi Hajime, are you asking me about my sex life? Every time I’ve offered up the information before, you’ve declined me!”

“Oh, shut it, I’m just making conversation.”

“Well, if you really want to know, he was probably one of the best I’ve had in a long time. And before you say anything about me not getting anything for over a year, I think he’s comparable to those before my inevitable demise.”

Iwaizumi muttered a congratulations, making Oikawa laugh. Iwaizumi talked about his work, which he was still at. He worked with a small band of carpenters in making furniture, mostly. He didn’t like it too much, but he said it paid better than his old job and it gave him less of an excuse to pay for a gym membership. Oikawa played with the hem of his sheets while Iwaizumi complained about one of his coworkers. He assured him he was on the other side of the workshop and couldn’t hear him list every single thing he had qualms about with this man. Oikawa agreed and laughed where he felt appropriate, but he was feeling increasingly empty. He felt bad he couldn’t pay attention to his friend, but talking on the phone wasn’t as satisfying as having someone next to him. Whether it be a friend’s presence or a stranger’s warmth. He squirmed and forced himself to focus on the conversation at hand.

“You good with just some wine and video games tomorrow night? We’ll probably stay over.”

“Yeah, I just wish sometimes they’d buy something other than wine.”

Iwaizumi snickered. “It’s not their fault you can’t take alcohol. Plus, you know they prefer it over beer. Also, we’re on snack duty, so think of what you want to get for tomorrow. You’re paying.”

Oikawa pouted. “Aw, why can’t we just split it.”

“Depends on how I feel.”

“How rude.”

“I got to get back to work so I’ll see you later?” They said their goodbyes, and Oikawa went back to staring at his phone. He opened his messages again and this time typed in a name he hadn’t messaged before.

Oikawa: you free tonight?

He put the phone down, not expecting an immediate answer. He glanced in his fridge for an idea what to do for dinner tonight. He frowned at the lack of items present. He decided he’d go to the grocery store with his free time. He checked his phone as he got dressed in more appropriate outerwear.

Kuroo: yessir. i’ll be over after nine?

Oikawa: alrighty !

He pocketed the device and went out shopping, mindlessly wandering the store and picking out whatever he thought he needed. He only circled around to the registers when he started to get hungry. Dinner for himself was going to be onigiri, he decided with a smile.

He made his dinner and ate in silence, slightly antsy for his date to come over. Not a date, he scrunched his nose. Booty call? Yeah. He sighed. He hadn’t had a booty call since he was in college. He preferred actually dating someone. He closed his eyes and fell back on his bed. Suga’s face appeared in his mind. His voice flooded his ears. His lips tingled on his skin. He groaned. He’d probably do anything for that man. Which was a problem because they still barely knew each other.

He sat up when he heard a knock on his door and yawned. He’d had a bit of a tiring week, he assumed. He opened the door to see Kuroo in a suit and leaning against the doorframe. He raised an eyebrow and grinned.

“You dress up just to see me?”

“Had a dinner party with work people,” he shrugged and stepped into the apartment. Oikawa closed it after him. He saw Kuroo look around slightly while loosening his tie. “Hmm.”

“What?”

“Could’ve sworn it looked bigger while we were drunk.”

“Oh, shut up,” Oikawa threw a playful punch. “My friends make fun of me all the time,” he pouted. Kuroo pulled him in by his wrist; Oikawa’s chest hit his, and he felt a large hand press into his back. They looked at each other, eyes flicking between their eyes and their mouths for a while in an elongated silence.

“You ever fucked on your counter?”

“Not much counter to work with,” he breathed out. Kuroo grinned.

“Not much leverage against a wall but people still do it there.”

“I’d rather the wall.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Oikawa’s voice trailed down to a whisper before he lunged for the other man’s lips. He felt a leg between his as he was pressed against the wall across from his kitchen. He felt the leg raise to his crotch, and he let out a groan. He slid his hands across the other’s chest, grabbing his jacket and trying to nonviolently tear it off of him.

“Wait, careful with the suit, it’s expensive.”

Oikawa chuckled. “Then you shouldn’t have come here wearing it. Take it off.”

Kuroo raised an eyebrow at the command but obliged anyway. He backed off and set his jacket on the counter behind him. Then he grabbed for his belt, unbuckling it. Oikawa stepped away towards his bedroom.

“Don’t worry, you won’t be the only one undressing.” He disappeared into the only other room in his apartment and relieved himself of his shirt and sweatpants. He sat on his bed and waited for Kuroo. When he showed up in the archway, he was only wearing his dress shirt, tie, underwear, and socks. Oikawa laughed.

“Not a very sexy look.”

“You don’t think so? Well, I just thought you’d want to help me take it off,” he leaned over Oikawa, running a large hand across his jaw and tilting his head upwards to kiss him better. Oikawa felt his thoughts melt from him and let his eyes close. He wanted this. The soft touches and the tender feelings. The slow love. And he already knew who could give that to him.

When Kuroo’s tongue exited his mouth, Oikawa opened his eyes again. “I want you to fuck me hard.” Kuroo’s eyes blew wide. Oikawa pulled him lower by his tie, then pushed him back on the bed. He straddled his hips. “I want you to fuck me like your life depends on it.”

“Yes sir,” Kuroo said breathlessly. A wide grin spread on his face as his hands traveled up Oikawa’s thighs. Oikawa himself began rocking his hips back and forth on Kuroo’s while slowly unbuttoning his shirt. He felt the other man’s hands tighten on his thighs the more he moved. He smirked. Kuroo sat up only when his shirt and tie loosened enough to be thrown onto the floor, along with the socks he presumably kicked off. He flipped Oikawa around, making him gasp. His head fell onto his pillow, and he stared at the broad shoulders flexing above him. He craned his neck for Kuroo to suck on, feeling teeth scrape and bite into his skin. He wrapped his legs around the taller’s waist.

“Wreck me,” he whispered.

“I plan to.”

Needless to say, Oikawa went to sleep later than usual, having dragged out the affair as long as possible. Before he could sleep, he lied in his bed, facing his room, void of touch. He checked his phone. There was a new message from an hour ago.

Suga: hey! how’s it going?

He stared at the screen longingly. He typed out a short reply saying he was fine and seemed to have more free time than usual. His message was read barely a minute after it delivered. He glanced at the time in surprise. He didn’t know how late Suga usually slept, but at least tonight, he was awake after one.

Suga: that’s nice! i don’t know whether it’s better to be busy or bored

Oikawa: definitely busy. get too lost in thoughts when im bored

Suga: yeah, happens for me a lot when trying to sleep

Oikawa: do you usually sleep this late?

Suga: yeah. insomnia

Suga: i’m lonely

Oikawa: me too

He squeezed his phone between his hands. He gasped when a hand ran across his back. He locked his phone and set it on his bedside table. He turned around to see Kuroo looking at him.

“Did I wake you?”

“No,” Oikawa shifted against his pillow and stared back at Kuroo.

“You know,” his fingers trailed down Oikawa’s arm to his hands and his fingers, taking them and placing them between the two of them. He started fumbling with the fingers. “I wouldn’t be opposed to going out. Dinners and movies and stuff.”

Oikawa smiled down at his hand in the other’s, but he was sure it turned out more sad than he meant it to. Kuroo chuckled.

“Into someone else, huh?”

Oikawa grimaced. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Oikawa poked at his palm, and for a couple minutes, the two just played with each other’s fingers. Despite Kuroo being slightly taller and more muscular, their hands were about the same size. Oikawa knew, though, that Suga’s were smaller than his. They sometimes even looked delicate, and he knew just how soft they were. Kuroo’s were the exact opposite. They were large, a bit darker, and had some callouses from who knows where.

Oikawa sighed loudly and closed his eyes, trying to imagine Suga’s hand in his.

“Do you want to cuddle? You look touch-starved.”

Oikawa chuckled, but didn’t say anything. He wormed his way across the bed and touched Kuroo’s bare chest. He felt an arm wrap around him, and he liked how it made him feel a little small. He breathed in the remnants of Kuroo’s cologne before going to sleep, but he knew both of them just smelled of sweat and sex now.

He woke up frantically to the sound of his phone ringing. He slapped his hand to it, expecting to be alone in the bed before using his other hand to steady himself and hitting something that mumbled “ow.”

“H-hello?” His voice was a little hoarse this morning, and he thought it was partially because of last night. The thought made his neck warm. He rubbed it.

“Oikawa-kun? Good morning, how are you?” It was Takeda. Shit, did he oversleep or something?

“Sensei! Good morning, I-I’m okay. Did I do something? What time is it?”

Chuckling on the other end. “Don’t worry, it’s a little before seven, sorry if I woke you. I just wanted to call because I’m giving you the day off. Same with Tanaka-kun and Futakuchi-kun, I already called them. You guys will be paid for the day’s work. Consider this a gift in celebration of the tea convention today!”

“O-oh, thank you so much, I hope you, uh, have fun with it today.”

“Thank you. Enjoy your day off.”

“Have a good day.” Oikawa hung up the phone and checked the time. It wasn’t really a little before seven, it was 6:20, before his alarm usually went off. He made sure to turn it off for today. He set it back on the table and glanced over. Kuroo was staring up at him lazily.

“I thought you’d be gone by now.”

He shrugged. “I have Fridays off, usually. I did wake up earlier, just out of habit, but I decided to sleep in. Plus you were laying on my arm so it would’ve been rude if I got up,” he gave a sleepy smirk.

“My boss just gave me the day off too.”

“So are you going to lay back down with me or what?”

So Oikawa did, falling asleep shortly while lying against the other man. The next time he woke up, he checked his phone and saw it was just after nine. He felt an arm slide across his chest. There was a mumbling of words.

“Hmm?” He looked over to the mess of black hair next to him. It wiggled slightly before he could see an eye or two peeking out beside his shoulder.

“It’s been a while since I stayed with someone like this,” he blinked slowly and nudged Oikawa’s shoulder with his nose. Oikawa stared at him for a moment before inserting a hand into the dark hair and guiding his face towards his own. Kuroo squeezed Oikawa’s body to him, placing a knee between his. Oikawa felt the hand that was on him travel down his body and flick the band of his boxer-briefs. They pulled away looking at each other’s eyes. Oikawa tried to remain conscious of how bad his morning breath probably was.

“Can I suck you off?”

Oikawa laughed lowly. “Why would I say no to that?”

Oikawa and Kuroo spent an hour or two messing around before deciding to have sex again. It was a lot lazier and slower than last night. Without having even gotten out of bed, they didn’t have as much energy as they should’ve.

Oikawa’s phone rang. He kept one hand caressing Kuroo’s jaw with his fingers entangling in the short hair at the base of his neck as he answered the phone with his other. The two men grinned at each other

“Hello?”

“Hey, when do you get off work today?”

“Oh my boss gave me off today. I’m at home.”

“Oh alright. I’ll pick you up around two and we can hit the grocery… what are you doing?”

“Working out,” Oikawa shrugged. Kuroo leaned down to kiss his neck. He hummed.

“In your tiny ass apartment?”

Oikawa felt Kuroo chuckle into his neck when he heard the other voice on the phone. Oikawa swallowed, trying to level out his panting. “It’s a work out that doesn’t require a lot of movement. I’m pretty much just laying here.”

“Are you… are you having sex right now?”

“To put it frankly, yes.”

“You’re fucking disgusting. I’m definitely making you pay for all the snacks, Shittykawa.” And then Iwaizumi hung up.

“You have a bit of an exhibitionist streak or something?”

“No, I just don’t hide anything from my Iwa-chan.” He wrapped both arms around his neck.

“Alright,” Kuroo laughed again and decidedly didn’t ask anything else. They dragged out their fun and pleasure, finishing in a mess of entangled sheets and limbs. Oikawa spread out on his bed, his mess still lingering on his stomach.

“Ugh, I’m dehydrated.”

“You want me to pick up some lunch for you? It’s probably around that time.”

“What--you can’t do that for me.”

Kuroo shrugged, leaning on his elbow to face Oikawa. “We both have the day. Why not eat lunch together?”

“The next best thing to going on a date?” Oikawa offered cautiously.

“Exactly.”

“Alright,” Oikawa sat up gently, feeling a bit weak from the day’s events. “Do you want to borrow some clothes instead of going out in that suit?”

“Only if you let me shower here after we eat.”

“Sure,” Oikawa chuckled and pulled himself out of bed, taking a tissue to wipe off his stomach. “Here, take these jeans, they’re a little big on me,” he walked shakily towards his closet. He watched Kuroo put on some clothes, looking objectively hot, then run a hand through his hair once before winking to Oikawa and leaving out the front door. Oikawa took the time to get himself some water; his mouth was dry as all hell. He was a bit hungry, but he’d wait for food to arrive. He didn’t have to undress much to get into the shower. It was refreshing to feel last night’s and this morning’s sweat washed off his body. He smiled under the water, feeling relaxed but really low-energy.

He dressed in loose clothes and checked his phone. He had a message from Suga at seven this morning. He couldn’t help but smile when just looking at his name. He tensed and looked at the message.

Suga: help distract me from work :(

Oikawa: sorry i had someone over

The three dots that indicated he was typing appeared almost immediately. A squirming feeling made its way into Oikawa’s stomach. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that.

Suga: … a guy?

Oikawa: yeah…

Suga: oh… well you’re definitely distracting me haha

Oikawa: sorry, i just needed my mind off things

Suga: i feel that. i do that more often than i should

Oikawa: i don’t hook up that often though

Suga: really? i’m a whore

Oikawa laughed aloud at the reply and put his phone on his bedside table when he heard a knock on the door. He let Kuroo back in and raised his eyebrows at the bag in his hand.

“Ooh, thank god, I’m starving.”

“I’m right there with you, man.”

Oikawa led him to his room, excusing the fact that he didn’t have a table. Kuroo chuckled and shrugged.

“So,” he started, opening the bag for the two of them. “As our first, last, but hopefully not only date, tell me something about yourself.” Kuroo put a tater tot into his mouth.

Oikawa looked up at his ceiling in thought. “Hmm. Well, in college I majored in Spanish, I work at a tea shop right now, I’m a dog person, and I’m a Cancer.”

“Hmm. Interesting. Why Spanish?”

Oikawa shrugged. “Always wanted to travel. I thought South America was interesting. But plans changed. I kind of like the job I have now, so.”

“I get it. I had a job I really liked, but I accidentally outed myself to my coworker, my boss found out, and he fired me.”

“Oh, damn, I’m sorry.”

Kuroo shrugged. “Sure, that guy was a dickbag, but I knew that before he fired me. Now, I’m in a job I don’t particularly love, but it pays a lot better than my last one.”

Their lunch ran long; Oikawa found it easy to talk with Kuroo, and he felt sad at the thought that they really got along well together. It was a shame he was head over heels for another guy. He wondered, if he wasn’t, would him and Kuroo have gotten together? Fallen in love? They definitely had the chemistry. He frowned, hoping he’d find someone that could be there for him like Oikawa wasn’t.

Kuroo excused himself to the shower, and Oikawa gave him a towel, heading to clean up the place. There wasn’t much to clean up. He had cleaned before Kuroo even arrived the day before. But he should definitely wash his sheets. He wasn’t sure of the last time he put his bedding through the wash. He grimaced at the thought. What Kuroo didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

He heard a knock on his door as he was putting the plates they used in the sink. He washed his hands quickly and opened it to see Iwaizumi. He looked quizzically at his friend, who scowled in response.

“Did you forget I was coming to pick you up?”

“Well, only kind of, but aren’t you here early?”

Iwaizumi shrugged. “Thought we could chat before we went out. Make a list of the snacks we want. Aren’t you going to let me in?”

“Uh, well--”

“Hey, is my suit still over there?” When Oikawa heard Kuroo exit his tiny bathroom, he hoped to god he wasn’t butt ass naked. When he turned around, he let out a sigh of relief; he had the decency to put a towel around his waist. Kuroo awkwardly picked up his clothes from yesterday. Oikawa noticed a look of sheer surprise on Iwaizumi’s face. Honestly, he shouldn’t have been surprised, given their last phone call.

“Sure, come in,” Oikawa said exasperatedly. Iwaizumi took a tentative step inside.

“Iwaizumi-san, coincidence seeing you here,” Kuroo laughed awkwardly. Oikawa froze.

“You two know each other?”

“From work,” Iwaizumi nodded slowly.

“I work in marketing at the same company,” Kuroo chuckled, shifting on his feet slightly, seemingly realizing how much exposed skin he was showing.

“Wow… alright,” Oikawa’s shoulders slumped. “That’s great,” he said blandly.

“I’d uh, appreciate if you didn’t mention this to anyone at work,” Kuroo said, rubbing his shoulder.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Iwaizumi said. He sounded unenthusiastic, but a slightly amused smile was starting to play at his lips. Kuroo ducked out of the room to change, and Oikawa led his friend to his bedroom. He sat on the bed but Iwaizumi sat in his desk chair instead. He lifted an eyebrow at Iwaizumi.

“I’m not sitting on that bed again. Not after what I just learned.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes and leaned his elbows on his knees. “So how well do you know Kuroo-san?”

“He’s basically one of my bosses.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. He’s like the liaison between the business side of the company and the contracting side, which I’m on.”

Oikawa’s face broke into a grin. “Well, I’m probably not going to see him again, so good luck with dealing with that.”

Iwaizumi scowled again, deeper this time. “Have I ever told you how much I hate you?”

“Yes, many times,” Oikawa nodded with a smile. He noticed Kuroo come out of the bathroom, looking as hot and spiffy as he did when he came to Oikawa’s apartment. “Leaving already?” He stood, glancing at Iwaizumi shortly before making his way to see Kuroo out.

“My own apartment is waiting for me,” he grinned. He slipped his shoes on and gazed at Oikawa from under his lashes. “Kiss goodbye?”

Oikawa rolled his eyes but leaned forward, letting Kuroo wrap an arm around his waist to pull him close. He tilted Oikawa’s head back with his other hand and pressed their lips together. He placed his hands on his chest and relished the feeling of them being pressed together. He couldn’t tell if he liked being this way with him, or if it was purely the bodily contact that he liked.

When they broke apart, they stared at each other for a moment before Kuroo straightened his jacket and opened the door. “If you’re ever… free, give me a call,” he smiled, prompting Oikawa to smile back.

“Definitely.” He wanted to. But when he closed the door, he knew it was the last time he’d ever see that man. Probably.

When he went back to his room, Iwaizumi asked how he was doing, not believing Oikawa when he said he honestly thought he was doing fine. The only times he didn’t know if he was fine, was when he was thinking about Suga. A lot of the time he couldn't pinpoint exactly what emotion he was feeling. He didn’t think any of them were particularly bad, except for the pain he felt when he thought about the last time they were together. It made his heart constrict and made him feel like he couldn’t breathe well. He concluded that the feelings more so contributed to the fear of Suga leaving him again, of writing him off as someone that didn’t really matter. He took a deep breath and tried to focus on Iwaizumi rattling off a list of snacks he’d come up with. They argued about whether to get Swedish Fish on their way to the grocery store. Iwaizumi and Hanamaki thought they were disgusting, but Oikawa and Matsukawa loved them. Out of all the fights that their group of friends had, a lot of them were about Swedish Fish. When Oikawa had snuck them into their cart at the store, Iwaizumi only noticing while they were checking out, Iwaizumi suppressed a yell and instead said, “Put them back, Shittykawa!” while throwing them at his face. Oikawa, of course, refused. Needless to say, the grocery store clerk was worried and confused.

“We got the cheapest wine we could find,” Iwaizumi held up the bag as they walked into Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s shared apartment.

“Always tastes better when it’s cheap,” Matsukawa grinned. Hanamaki took the bag Iwaizumi was holding in his hand, sifting through. He looked up, his face serious.

“Why  _ the fuck _ is there Swedish Fish in here?”

Iwaizumi’s face hardened, and he looked to Oikawa. “I did my best to fight for our rights, but I lost.”

Oikawa pouted. “Mattsun and I like Swedish Fish! At least be considerate towards your boyfriend!”

Hanamaki blushed at the exclamation and huffed, looking away. “Whatever.” He tossed the bag towards Matsukawa who was sitting on the couch. “There’s your garbage candy.” Matsukawa grinned and lifted the bag in thanks to Oikawa.

“There’s a can of beer in the fridge as thanks for your service.”

Oikawa bounced on the balls of his feet in excitement and headed for the kitchen.

“How’d the week treat you?” Oikawa heard Iwaizumi ask the two others.

“Eh, it’s been on and off, really. It’s been pretty slow at the bookstore recently, but I know it’ll get busy again once the fall starts up,” Matsukawa turned on his gaming system.

“Nothing interesting to report here. Restaurant’s same as always,” Hanamaki added.

“Oh, so that hot girl is still a hostess?”

Hanamaki smirked at Iwaizumi. “Not my type, but yeah, she’s still there. You want me to set you guys up or something?”

Oikawa saw Iwaizumi shake his head once he headed back into the living room. “I have to visit a couple more times, get friendly with her, you know?”

“Sure,” he laughed.

“You guys have sex yet?” Oikawa asked, taking a sip of his beer. Hanamaki glared at Oikawa. Matsukawa hesitated to take his arm away from the back of the couch where Hanamaki was resting.

“No, and I wouldn’t even tell you if we did.”

“But you’ve at least touched dicks right? Mattsun?”

“No comment.”

“What is wrong with you?” Iwaizumi paused in opening one of the wine bottles to scrunch his face at Oikawa.

“Oh, come on, I just want to know all the juicy details,” he sat on the couch only to be kicked off by Hanamaki. “You’re so mean to me!”

Oikawa, in typical Oikawa fashion, continued to annoy Matsukawa and Hanamaki about their relationship for the rest of the night. He was only joking, of course, but was also genuinely curious. And they didn’t seriously tell him to stop, so he figured they were just playing along like usual. But before bed, he gasped when Hanamaki said him and Iwaizumi could sleep in his bed instead of in the living room, since him and Matsukawa had been sleeping together.

“Sleeping together?!” Oikawa screeched. Hanamaki winced.

“Just sleeping!” he yelled back and stormed off to Matsukawa’s room. Oikawa snickered and traversed to Hanamaki’s room with Iwaizumi.

“Do I want to sleep there?” Iwaizumi frowned at the bed. Oikawa shrugged.

“As long as they’ve only been staying in Mattsun’s bed, then the most he’s probably done in here is jerk off alone, and you’ve already been doing that,” he said with a smile. Iwaizumi frowned.

“Thanks for the reminder,” he muttered. Oikawa set his overnight bag by the end of the bed. “Actually, about that--”

Oikawa paused changing and glanced at his friend with an eyebrow raised. “You want to tell me about you jerking off?”

“No,” Iwaizumi sighed. “I just--” He put on a different shirt to sleep in. “You have more experience than me so I thought I’d ask you.” He pulled on a pair of boxers and sat on the bed. Oikawa joined him once he changed. “I haven’t had much luck recently with dating and stuff… And I don’t know much about hook-up culture…”

“So you want me to give you a little lesson?”

Iwaizumi paused. “I don’t like how that sounds coming from you.”

Oikawa pouted. “Are you ever going to stop being mean to me?”

“To you? Never.”

Iwaizumi was asleep by the time Oikawa decided to text Suga. He’d probably be awake, he thought. It was barely after midnight. His fingers hesitated over the keyboard; he was nervous, but he could tell the nervousness was part excitement. His thumbs flitted across the screen on his phone and hit send. Then he waited, staring at his screen. He knew he wouldn’t have to wait long for Suga to reply back. He liked when people gave quick responses. Iwaizumi did that too.

Oikawa: are you free this weekend?

Suga: i perform a couple hours away on sunday, but i’m free tomorrow!

Oikawa felt his stomach lurch and he swallowed the feeling back.

Oikawa: you wanna… go out? maybe dinner?

Suga: of course! i was hoping you’d ask that :)

Oikawa bit back a smile. He proposed a restaurant to go to. Nothing fancy, but better than a diner or fast food. He tucked his phone under the pillow and squeezed his hands together excitedly. He glanced over at Iwaizumi’s sleeping form, undisturbed. At least his momentary excitement didn’t wake him.

The next day felt like a race. Like he was rushing to get places and do things. At home, he almost felt overwhelmed, feeling like he had to do everything but not thinking of a single thing to do. He started off with his laundry, including washing his filthy sheets. He washed all his dishes--only after making a bowl of ramen for himself--and swept his tiny apartment. Cleaning his apartment never took long since it was so small.

He showered and organized his bedroom, smiling at how neat his desk looked. His eyes fell on an album he had set down on the chair without even realizing it. He picked it up and looked over it. There was the familiar starry-sky illustration with the white, handwritten font over it, titling the album “Night Awaits.” It was the same album cover that was shown on Spotify and iTunes, but there was some type of sentimentality to holding it in his hands. He thought it might be the only physical album he owned. He smiled down at it and leaned it against the very few books he owned, sitting on the only shelf of his desk. He took his headphones out and plugged them into his phone. He stared at the same album and pressed play, sighing as he sat on his bed.

Oikawa hadn’t listened to Dice’s music in a while. Or at least, it felt that way. He wasn’t sure how long it’d been. But the moment Suga’s voice entered his ears, a calmness washed over him. He relaxed into the clean blanket on his bed, closing his eyes and breathing in his laundry detergent. He was sort of glad he didn’t feel this way when hearing Suga’s voice as he spoke, it was only while he was singing.

Thinking about his date with Suga tonight, he could only imagine him on the other side of the love songs that were pouring into his ears.

_ “I swear it’s you, I swear it’s you, I swear it’s you that my heart beats for…” _

Oikawa breathed out, feeling an ache in his chest. It wasn’t a bad ache, he decided. But the fact that Suga was singing these words made him feel like he was singing to him. He wanted to see him and hold him. And he knew he’d be doing one of those things in a few hours. He looked at the time on his phone. It was only four. His eyes latched onto the title of the song, Won’t Stop.

He fidgeted the remaining time until he had to leave for the restaurant. He tried to relax, listening to the entirety of Dice’s album and only standing once the songs started to loop. He fixed his hair several times, made sure he had enough cologne on, checked his shirt for nervous pit-stains and smoothed out every crease he could see in his shirt and jacket and pants. He then triple checked that he had both his keys and his wallet, staring at his bus card before leaving his house.

Oikawa took a deep breath outside, nervously flexing his hands and bouncing on his feet. He felt like he was sweating the entire bus ride and vowed to not take his jacket off the entire night in fear of pit stains.

He got off the bus and saw the restaurant up ahead. He took a deep breath and checked once again that he had everything with him; keys, wallet, phone. He entered the front doors and immediately spotted a head of soft, ashen hair waiting by the hostess podium. It was almost like Won’t Stop started playing in his head, his songs disrupting Oikawa’s thoughts while he was in public now, too, instead of the safety of his own home.

_ “Now I stared at you, from across the room, until both my eyes were faded…” _

Suga looked up and saw Oikawa come in. He broke out into a nervous smile. Oikawa matched his anxiety with a small smile of his own.

_ “I was in a rush, I was out of luck. Now I’m so glad that I waited.” _

“Hey, it’s nice to see you again,” Suga lifted a hand and gently touched the back of Oikawa’s arm, but he seemed to hesitate in greeting him with a hug or a kiss. Oikawa was grateful for that; it probably would’ve made him more flustered.

“Yeah, you too.”

_ “Well, you were almost there, almost mine, yeah. They say love ain’t fair, but I’m doing fine…” _

Suga told him he waited for him until they got a table, and they were led off to a free table in the middle of the room. It wasn’t a very crowded space; for a Saturday night, there weren’t many people eating here.

“I hope you like pasta,” Oikawa said with a more relaxed smile. Or, he tried to make it look that way. It was a western-style restaurant, with mostly European or American pasta recipes.

“Sure, who doesn’t,” Suga grinned as he opened his menu. Oikawa looked down at his own menu. He hoped this wasn’t too awkward. “Um, Oikawa-san?” He glanced back up. Suga looked less nervous and more so wary and cautious.

“I know I apologized before, but Daichi said something… He made me realize that, um, last time we were together, I may have… forced you to do something you didn’t want to do? Before, I was just an artist you liked, and I guess that put me in a sort of position of power, so if you felt--”

“No, no,” Oikawa waved his hand. “You didn’t make me feel that way at all.” Relief flooded over Suga’s face.

“Oh, okay.”

“Yeah, I… I wanted to…” he swallowed, glancing to his menu.

“Well, that’s good to know. I have to say, I was really surprised someone as hot as you was into me.”

Normally, Oikawa held himself with confidence, whether in that moment he faked it or not. Normally, if a friend or even a lover had said that same sentence to him, he’d agree with a flourish of his hand or a flip of his hair. But Suga did something to him that he couldn’t comprehend; he never acted right. So instead, he blushed harshly, frozen in his chair. There was a tingling feeling at the bottom of his stomach.

He managed to let out a small chuckle and ended up fumbling with his fingers under the table. “I feel like I should be saying that to you…”

Suga laughed loudly. “Me? I’m pretty average.”

“Average?” Oikawa blurted out. He held back the next blush he could feel threatening to appear on his face.

“Yeah, even a few people I’ve been with before have said so.”

“What? Who? Do they live around here?”

Suga laughed again, the sound lighter this time; it sparkled and reverberated through the air like wind chimes. “No offense but if you went to intimidate them or something, it wouldn’t work. You’re too sweet.”

A smile played at his lips the longer he stared at Suga. He shrugged. “No offense taken. The most I’ve been able to scare someone is one of my nephew’s friends, and she was four at the time.”

Suga snickered, and Oikawa felt pride in being able to make him laugh. The waitress’s voice made both of them jump slightly.

“Hi, have you two thought of what you’d like?”

The two shared a startled look. “Um, we might need a few more minutes…”

“That’s alright. Can I get you started with drinks?”

The two scrambled to comment their drinks then scan the menu before she could come back again. Oikawa didn’t realize how easily they had been talking with each other that time ended up passing them by. They tried to keep their chatting to the minimum as they read, but in that time, Oikawa was able to find out that Suga didn’t like the creamy cheesy sauces that came on some pastas. He said it felt weird in his mouth.

“And  _ don’t  _ compare it to semen,” he pointed an accusing finger at Oikawa. He burst out laughing.

“I wasn’t going to, but thanks for giving me the idea.” Suga pouted in response and crossed his arms, but he couldn’t keep a straight face once their food arrived. Oikawa watched his eyes light up and shift in his seat when he offered his thanks. He found out Suga was very expressive; his face would contort slightly and he’d look up at the ceiling when he was concentrating, his eyes and mouth widened into smiles when he was excited, his brows furrowed and the edges of his lips turned down in deep frowns when he was frustrated. He was very talkative, which gave Oikawa time to think through his thoughts and get over his flustered feelings easier.

Oikawa tried to keep up; he tried to share as much about himself as Suga offered so the conversation wouldn’t seem as one-sided, and even though Suga seemed more extroverted than Oikawa; he waited and listened patiently whenever he spoke, replying promptly and genuinely whenever it was needed.

“Are you two interested in any dessert?”

Oikawa looked down at his plate when the waitress reappeared and didn’t even realize he had finished his pasta. He looked to Suga expectantly, who was coincidentally looking at him in the same way. They slowly shook their heads, turning their faces towards the waitress as an answer. She nodded in understanding and set their bill on the table. Oikawa moved to pick it up before Suga had the chance to. He furrowed his brows, his mouth forming a small pout in confusion.

“I was gonna--”

“You don’t have to, I got it,” Oikawa grinned and took out his cash. “We can leave whenever you’re ready.”

“I’m ready,” Suga smiled, a vote of confidence present in his face. Once the waitress picked up their bill with the cash, the two men stood and headed for the door. Oikawa patted his pockets once they stepped outside, making sure he remembered everything he had checked several times before coming. Suga nudged his arm, and Oikawa looked down at him.

“I had fun tonight,” he muttered, an arm coming to Oikawa’s back.

“Yeah, me too,” he smiled warmly back at Suga. He glimpsed down at his lips, wondering if this was a time to kiss him. It was technically their first date, but they had already slept together.

He let Suga take the lead, let him pull him by the hand on his back and lifted his other to the side of Oikawa’s face.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked softly. Oikawa nodded. Suga’s lips upturned into a grin. “Okay. But you’re going to have to come down here.” Oikawa chuckled. He wasn’t that much taller than the other man--he could easily kiss his forehead at his height--but the difference was significant enough for Suga to struggle a bit. He indulged himself, leaning down to meet him. He snaked his hands around his waist as Suga cupped his face in his hands. His hands were soft, yet slightly cold against his face. His lips were warm and even softer. He relaxed into his touch, pushing his lips into the smallers. But Suga didn’t let it last long. He pulled back, his eyes gentle as he held Oikawa.

“This might be weird, but do you want to come home with me?”

Oikawa swallowed. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been thinking about it. Since the last time they saw each other, even when he was with Kuroo, he had been thinking about Suga.

“Okay,” he breathed.

Suga smirked. “It might be a bit different, though, since now we’re sober.”

Oikawa tilted his head back in a laugh, drifting his hands up to catch Suga’s hands and hold them in his own. His fingers brushed against Oikawa’s neck as they were pulled away, making a shiver go down his spine.

The journey to Suga’s apartment wasn’t very eventful; the two of them were quiet, but Oikawa considered the silence to be rather comfortable. He stared mostly at his hand in Suga’s. It really all felt like a dream. Some fantasy he was living out.

He squeezed the smaller hand that rested in his own when Suga stood and led him towards his apartment building. He let go of his hand briefly when he fished his keys out of his pocket. Oikawa frowned at the loss of warmth.

“Now, I think I told you I share an apartment with Daichi, right? Just be careful.”

Oikawa raised an eyebrow. “Did he not know you were going out tonight?”

“No, he did, but he’d probably chastise me if he found out I brought you home,” he snickered. “For my sake.”

Oikawa chuckled. “Alright.” Walking in, the first thing he noticed was that the apartment was decidedly bigger than his own; probably around the size of Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s since it had to hold two bedrooms. The lights were already on, showcasing neutral-colored furniture and a quaint kitchen off to the side. They ventured into the hall; there were three doors. One was open, and a shower curtain told Oikawa it was the bathroom. The door next to it was closed, but light came from under the door. And the room across from it on the right was the one they entered.

Suga closed the door and grinned, throwing his keys and jacket to the side. Oikawa sat cautiously on the bed, and Suga almost immediately moved towards him, holding his chin as he kissed him. He slid his arms around his neck and melted into the touch. He breathed in the smell of Suga’s faint cologne, also slightly smelling the pasta he ate earlier. At the feeling of Suga’s tongue on his lips, he yearned for more of his touch. There was a sense of urgency between them, but they unspokenly agreed to keep it slow and gentle.

Suga slowly removed Oikawa’s jacket and slid his hands up his shirt. Oikawa inhaled at the sudden insecurity of his stomach, but Suga didn’t react and only urged the shirt off. He threw off his own shirt and reached for Oikawa’s jeans, quickly undoing them. He laughed nervously.

“Are you trying to beat your best time or something?”

Suga looked up, a little surprised at the comment. He relaxed his shoulders and situated himself between his legs, holding his face in his hands.

“I’m sorry, I just remember your body being so beautiful.” Oikawa felt the smile fall from his face as he reddened. “I just got excited,” Suga tilted his head with a murmur and placed a few kisses against his neck. Oikawa let his hands drift to Suga’s sides, tickling his skin before distractedly undoing the other man’s pants. He pulled back and smiled at Oikawa, reaching for a condom and bottle of lube in his nightstand before his own pants were even off.

He threw the condom wrapper on the bed and opened the bottle of lube once he was also down to his underwear. He pushed his hips into Oikawa’s, and he fell back on the bed, kicking off his underwear. Suga kneeled on the bed between his legs, his fingers glistening with lube.

“Lift your legs for me, baby,” Suga whispered as he leaned over Oikawa’s naked form. His body seemed to shut down at the term of endearment, but he obeyed. Suga nipped at his neck and dragged his fingers over Oikawa’s length, pulling a gasp from him. He craned his neck so the other could have better leverage and wrapped his legs around his hips. He felt a low chuckle against his collar.

“Hold on, I’m not completely ready yet.” He wormed his way out of his underwear, and Oikawa felt the cold intrusion of Suga’s fingers. He stifled a moan, hesitantly looking up at Suga’s concentrated face. He watched him lick his lips and open the wrapper with his teeth, promptly applying the condom with one hand as he worked Oikawa opened with his other. Could he get any fucking sexier?

Suga took his time, letting Oikawa already begin to fall apart under him. He moaned behind his hand, glancing at the door in hopes Daichi wouldn’t hear him.

Sex with Suga was totally different while they were sober. He could feel every electrifying touch on his skin, every wet and warm kiss against his neck, the slow love he was giving to him. He did his best to stay quiet and keep his moans breathy, until Suga detached his teeth from the new hickey on his neck and brushed them against his earlobe instead.

“I changed my mind. I want to hear you.” Oikawa was happy to oblige.

Before falling asleep, Oikawa laid back against the bed, breathless and weak-bodied. Suga diligently cleaned them up before lying next to him. He placed a hand on Oikawa’s chest, but he curled up next to him, placing his own hands against Suga’s abdomen.

“I don’t think you’re as small as you think you are,” he muttered. Oikawa hummed, basking in his warmth and breathing in the smell of his fading cologne and apple-scented shampoo, which seemed stronger after sweating.

He didn’t remember going to sleep, but the next time he opened his eyes, there was light coming in through the window in the room. He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept so well and hadn’t tossed and turned all night. He looked up to Suga’s sleeping face, his features so peaceful and pale. His limbs were spread out, but Oikawa was hanging onto one of his arms. He interlaced their fingers, feeling a twitch in the smaller hand as he did so. He smiled, not having enough energy yet to laugh. He heard a groan, and without opening his eyes, Suga rolled and threw an arm around Oikawa, squeezing his body and kissing into his hair. Oikawa sighed, feeling pleasant. He knew he had been getting better from before, but this was a time he knew that he’d never get those harmful thoughts again. He knew he was safe here, even if he knew he still had some healing to do.

_ “Now you were fine by night,” _ he heard replay in his head.  _ “But when the morning light comes, comfortable as rain on Sunday. And I’m a lucky soul, that holds your hand so tight...” _

And he knew he was lucky, so lucky to have someone so beautiful, so wonderful holding him like he was. He hoped he could stay like this forever, in his arms. He hoped it never ended.


	6. Dreamer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two months im so sorry omg but i wanted to get this done no matter what tonight bc i was so close to the end. it is currently 2 am and i didn't effectively revise this and also i hate the writing at the end but i finished it. thank you and your welcome. hope this distracts you from the election which is still going on and happy destiel to anyone whos watched supernatural lmao dont talk to me about it. i feel like the song for this chapter fits the least out of my collection of songs for the fic? idk i cant see suga singing it as much lmao but i still like it  
> this chapter is brought to you by Dreamer by Spangle call Lilli line

It was just like last night, Oikawa thought. Dice’s songs played through his head when he looked at Suga. It was almost weird, seeing Suga’s sleeping face next to his and having his voice play through his head at the same time. They felt like different people. Oikawa shifted and stared at the other man’s eyelashes. The way his lips pursed gently in his sleep. The way his hair fell over his forehead, slightly messy from sleep and the happenings just a few hours ago. He wondered what he was dreaming about. Oikawa let out a small giggle at the irony.

_ “Barely inside a dream, close the eyes and wait a little for the wind. Dreamer, dreamer, please get going quietly. You can see the sea, passing the city to the hills.” _

Suga’s arm snaked around his middle and pulled him close, pressing a kiss to the top of his hair. He heard him grunt slightly as he stretched his legs, entangling them with Oikawa’s. He sighed.

“This is nice,” he mumbled. Oikawa slid a hand around the other’s middle and placed a kiss to his collarbone. He felt him hum under his lips. He then felt him shift and push down Oikawa’s shoulders. He opened up to him, letting him take hold of his arms and pin them next to his head. He could tell Suga was careful to not put so much pressure on them; he seemed like a caring and gentle lover more than anything else. He kneeled between Oikawa’s legs, leaning down to kiss him. Oikawa felt all his muscles relax and melt into the kiss. He pushed his tongue up, breathing in as much of Suga as he could.

Suga pulled away and stared at Oikawa’s face for a moment. Oikawa stared back, searching his eyes for whatever he may be thinking.

“Most guys don’t let me do this.”

“Do what?”

“Top.”

Oikawa glanced away for a moment, shifting his legs against Suga’s hips. “Well, I feel like when I’m with men they usually expect me to, but I only really if they ask.” He glanced back at Suga. He was staring back at him with intrigue and curiosity, and the face just made Oikawa want to grab his face and kiss him again. It was almost as if Suga read his mind, because he leaned down towards his neck to kiss it.

“You’re like a dream,” he muttered. Oikawa’s eyes fluttered at the hot breath against his neck, a small shudder running down his body. “I’ve never found a man as tall and sexy as you who was so willing to bottom for me.”

Oikawa swallowed. He focused on Suga’s lips trailing down to his collar and how his skin tingled after the other man would suck on it. He felt Suga’s hips press into his own and moaned despite himself. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get hard again; he’d been having too much sex recently and needed a while to recover, he thought.

The door opened.

“Hey, Suga, did you--”

They looked up to see Daichi standing in the doorway, mouth open slightly from surprise. The surprise on his face was soon replaced by a scowl. He closed the door without saying anything else.

“Sorry,” Suga whispered with a wince.

“He definitely thought we were having sex.”

“Definitely,” Suga breathed and sat up, dragging his hands down Oikawa’s chest after he let go of his arms. He ran his fingers up and down his thighs on either side of him. He hummed.

“What do you want for breakfast?”

Oikawa blinked. “You’re… going to make me breakfast?”

Suga’s smile faltered; he looked nervous. “Well, I’m not very good with relationship stuff, but if you want to start dating--if that’s what you consider this--then I’d like to start by making you some food?”

Dating… The thought of dating Suga… He grinned. “Okay,” he stilled the other’s nervous hands and intertwined their fingers. He couldn’t help but blush when looking up at the other man. He watched Suga break out into a friendlier smile again. He let go of Oikawa, sliding out of the bed, and Oikawa felt like his skin grow cold where Suga’s hands had previously been. He pushed himself up and saw Suga pick up a shirt.

“You want to borrow clothes?”

Did he really think Oikawa would say no to wearing his clothes? He swallowed, hoping he wasn’t so obvious. “Yeah, sure. I just,” he sucked in a breath. “Don’t think you’ll have my size.”

Suga snorted. “Come on, you’re not that much bigger than me. I have loose clothes you can wear.” He rummaged through the drawers of his dresser and pulled out some clothes. He handed them to Oikawa, who was shuddering at the feeling of the cold hardwood floor on his bare feet. He pulled on the clothes, which were surprisingly big on him. He looked up at Suga’s eyes, piercing him with the hint of a smirk. He had his hands on his hips. He sighed.

“You look so good in my clothes.”

Oikawa laughed. “It’s just a plain T-shirt and sweats.” He followed Suga out of the room and excused himself to the bathroom really quick. He looked at himself in the mirror. His face fell. He looked gross. Horrific. How could Suga think he looked attractive? He understood last night, he knew how much effort he put into his appearance then. He washed his face quickly, running his wet hands through his hair and smacking his cheeks quickly to give a refreshening pink tint to them. Though, knowing him, if Suga said anything flirty with him, it wouldn’t matter. He went back out shortly after, nervously catching Daichi’s eye in the living room.

“Hello, Oikawa-san.”

He nodded and swallowed. “Daichi-san.”

“I hope Suga didn’t get you drunk again,” he said with a stern look towards the man in the kitchen. Oikawa saw Suga spin around from over the half-wall that separated them.

“ _ Excuse _ me, but we had sex sober, thank you very much.”

Oikawa wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to mention how they had sex, but he assumed Daichi expected them to anyway.

Suga sighed and glanced to Oikawa, a full-faced smile lighting up his face. “How do you like your eggs?”

When Oikawa was about to take his first bite of his eggs, his phone started ringing. He paused, mouth already open and fork halfway to his mouth. He slowly set it down and looked at his screen. It was Iwaizumi. He glanced up at Suga and Daichi who had paused as well to look at him. Suga offered a smile.

“It’s okay, go ahead.”

“Thanks, sorry.” He stood and answered the phone.

“Where are you? You don’t work on the weekends right?”

“Uh, yeah I don’t, why?” Oikawa tentatively leaned against the wall next to Suga’s bedroom door.

“I’m outside your apartment.”

Oikawa bit his lip. He closed his eyes as he spoke next. “I’m not home.”

“And where are you?”

“I’m at Suga-san’s place,” he spoke a little quieter. There was a pause on the other side.

“When do you plan to leave?”

“I guess after breakfast or something?”

“What’s his address? I’m picking you up.”

“What? No, don’t you dare come here, Iwa--”

“I’ll see you in an hour.” And then he hung up. Oikawa stared at his phone. He texted Iwaizumi.

Oikawa: i’m not sending you the address, dont come here

He stared and saw that Iwaizumi read his message. He waited some more until he knew he was not going to respond. He sighed and walked back to the living room.

“Everything okay?” Suga asked.

“Oh yeah, my friend is just bothering me.” He sat back next to Suga, hoping his eggs weren’t cold. He felt a hand on his thigh when he picked his plate back up. His motions stuttered, and he bit back a nervous smile. He bit into the egg that was still on his fork. It was a bit cold now but probably tasted the same. He let out an involuntary moan.

“God, these are good.” He felt Suga squeeze his thigh.

“I can make them for you next time you’re over if you want.”

He glanced to the side at Suga next to him, a warm but tentative smile on his face. Next time… he could barely believe that he was here now. He watched the other man stand and head towards the kitchen.

“Do you need coffee? Daichi says I should stop drinking it, but if you want some, it’ll give me an excuse to make it.”

“You’re addicted,” Daichi said from the other side of the couch. He turned to look at Oikawa. “Don’t ask for coffee. Give him the help he needs.”

Oikawa offered a small smile. “I don’t really drink coffee anyway.”

Suga made a scrunched-up face. In a split second, his hand darted into the cabinet, and he rushed to their keurig.

“Suga, no!” Daichi bolted from the couch and wrapped his arms around Suga, who was protecting the coffee with his body.

“Let me have it! I need it!”

Daichi then lifted Suga off the ground, and the smaller let out a grunting sound. He carried Suga, who was pouting, back to the couch and set him next to Oikawa.

“We have to leave soon. Get ready.” And Daichi set off to his room.

Suga scooted closer to Oikawa. He finished chewing the rest of his eggs and looked down at Suga’s cupped hands between them. He tried not to think about Suga’s arm against his and his knee over his thigh. Even though they’ve already had sex (twice now), he still felt nervous around Suga and their bodily contact. But he had a feeling Suga was a bit touchy in general.

He opened up his hands and inside was a small K-cup that said “coffee” on the top. “I saved it.”

Oikawa started laughing. He’d been so intimidated and nervous around this man, this man who was beautiful and funny and loving. He was also very childish. It was almost endearing. Oikawa thought, maybe, he was falling harder for him.

_ “Now, the sound of the Sunday morning coffee, spilling softly, softly. The early calling voice says the sky is cloudy, cloudy. Barely inside a dream…” _

Once Oikawa redressed in his clothes from last night, trying and failing to avoid Suga’s advances while he was putting on his shirt, he headed for the door. Suga opened it for him, and the first thing he saw was a car by the curb, a man standing, waiting in front of it. Oikawa scowled. He faced Suga to try to ignore him.

“Hopefully I’ll see you again soon, right?” Suga touched Oikawa’s elbow and smiled invitingly. So much so Oikawa just wanted to sigh and fall into his arms, maybe stay just a little longer. Oikawa smiled, hoping it didn’t look strained or sad. Anxious thoughts were invading his head, saying that it would be just like last time. But he wanted to trust Suga and that smile he gave him.

Suga leaned in for a kiss and Oikawa met him in the middle, sighing the moment their lips touched. He felt Suga smile into it and gently touch his face. The kiss felt way too brief for Oikawa’s satisfaction. Suga pulled away and brushed his fingers over Oikawa’s cheek before stepping away from the door.

“Have fun tonight,” Oikawa gave a small smile. Suga grinned and waved. Oikawa reluctantly turned away and headed down the stairs from the door of the apartment. He scowled at Iwaizumi at his car. The other grinned.

“Can I meet him?”

“Go  _ away _ ,” Oikawa pushed his arm and rounded the hood of the car towards the passenger side door anyway. He sat in the car and crossed his arms with a huff. “How’d you even find me?” He asked once Iwaizumi was safely in the car.

“Your location on Snapchat. You’re always on there.”

Oikawa mentally cursed himself and continued his mildly angry pouting.

“...Are you okay?”

Oikawa raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m fine.”

“It’s just… you know… the last time you spent a night with him…”

He tensed and slouched a bit in his seat. He had been worrying a bit about how leaving Suga would feel, even if it was just temporarily. He could still text him if he wanted, had the option of going out again or inviting him over.

“It’s fine,” he mumbled. “We’re, kind of, dating, I guess.”

A moment of silence on Iwaizumi’s end. “Hmm.”

“What?”

“Nothing, I just thought you’d be a bit happier.”

“Not with you showing up to pick me up. Can you start driving already?”

Iwaizumi snorted and started up the car. The drive seemed longer than he remembered the bus ride to Suga’s apartment to be. Maybe it was because Iwaizumi put on his shitty club music and refused to change it.

They eventually arrived at Oikawa’s apartment, and to him, it felt a little smaller than usual. A bit constricting. He strayed towards his dresser.

“I’m gonna take a shower. Are you staying?”

“Yeah. Want me to make something?”

“I just ate,” he shook his head with a low chuckle.

Iwaizumi shrugged. “Alright, I’ll just eat your food myself.”

Oikawa sighed as he stepped into the shower. He was anxious. He was almost anticipating those feelings of dread or emptiness that came last time. He braced himself, hoping he wouldn’t have a breakdown in the shower. But those feelings never came. He tried to relax his body, but thinking about it happening kept his mind a little trepid. He breathed in the heavy steam, disappointed at how it didn’t clear his mind like he wanted to.

He turned off the water and looked at his face in the bathroom mirror. He poked at his cheeks and frowned at how bad his skin looked. He glanced at the neglected skin care products on the edge of his sink and bit his lip before picking up one of the bottles and squeezing a small drop on his finger, dabbing it across the skin of his face and rubbing it in. He huffed at the feeling of small bumps across his cheeks. He couldn’t be bothered, though, to go through his whole routine. Maybe next time.

He left his bathroom to find Iwaizumi sitting at his desk and stuffing his face with a bowl of leftover udon. Oikawa pouted but didn’t put that much feeling behind it. He made his way over to his dresser and dropped his towel. He would’ve felt more insecure about changing in front of his friend if he knew he was staring at him.

“When was the last time you went to the gym?”

Oikawa scoffed and sent a glare back at him. “Rude.”

“I mean, we used to go together every once in a while, and I know I haven’t been in a long time.”

“Oh, and you know that from how my body looks now?”

“No, I know because you were unemployed for a while and holed yourself up in this tiny apartment.”

Oikawa pursed his lips together in a mock-pout. That is true, he did do that. But he had been depressed, which he thought was onset because of the unemployment, but apparently he’d had it for a while. Was he depressed now? He couldn’t be sure, but he did know that it didn’t go away just because he listened to some music and fell in love with a stranger.

Iwaizumi set his bowl on the desk. “And because you’re looking softer around the edges.” Oikawa scoffed and threw his towel at him, earning a chuckle from the shorter man.

“Want to watch a movie?” Iwaizumi asked with a small shrug of his shoulders.

“Sure. You know I don’t have a TV, though.”

“I know. But I haven’t been touched by someone in weeks and at least watching it together on your laptop will make me feel somewhat appreciated.”

Oikawa raised an eyebrow. “Iwa-chan are you planning to feel me up?”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Please, if anyone’s going to be felt up, it’s me isn’t it?”

“You are the one with the bigger tits in this relationship,” Oikawa nodded sadly.

The two got in position on Oikawa’s bed. They didn’t mean anything by their comments, of course, they never really did. They were always friends, and it would never go past that. Even if the cuddling they did alone together looked suspicious to outsiders. Iwaizumi was always the bigger spoon. Oikawa said it was because his chest was the perfect pillow to lay his head on.

They started the movie silently. It was one they’ve watched before, so Oikawa let his mind wander while his memories of the next scenes replayed in his mind. Iwaizumi’s comment stood out to him earlier. Maybe it was because he had the same feelings before, of being appreciated. He glanced down at his hand lying on Iwaizumi’s stomach and how it moved up and down with his ribcage. He never really stopped to think that, whether his friends were depressed or not, they might also have some depressing feelings. Oikawa looked up at his friend’s face, and the movement on his chest caused him to look away from the screen in his lap and to Oikawa.

“Why haven’t you touched anyone in weeks?” He started.

Iwaizumi glanced away shortly, and Oikawa felt him shrug slightly underneath him. “Haven’t really had any luck with anyone.”

“In the sex department or the romantic department?

“Well… I’m trying out the romantic one so… that.”

“It can take a while,” Oikawa said, turning his head back to the screen. “And you don’t need physical affection to feel appreciated.” He felt a tightness in his throat and swallowed it back down. If only he believed it himself.

“I know, it’s just…” He shifted his body again. “The company is nice.”

“Yeah,” Oikawa mumbled. He slid his hand around Iwaizumi’s torso in a makeshift hug and felt the arm at his shoulders give a little squeeze. If Iwaizumi needed some sort of company at least Oikawa would be there.

Suga: im on my way back, wanna get ice cream?

Oikawa read over the message with a smile. He typed a reply and got up to look at his closet.

Suga: alright. i’ll pick you up in like twenty minutes?

Oikawa: you have a car?

Suga: ;)

Oikawa put a hand on his hip as he browsed which of his dozen of very similar looking jeans he should wear. He glanced at his jackets. He shouldn’t do denim on denim right? There was a time and a place for it, and it didn’t seem like ice cream was that time or place. He grabbed a striped shirt, black and white with lighter jeans, deciding on a dark green jacket that seemed to match somewhat.

He heard a knock on the door, and his heart jumped. He swallowed, popping into the bathroom to try and quickly fix his hair before heading to the door. He was met with a shining smile and bright eyes. He was only wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. Both dark blue, which Oikawa tried to reason in his mind as a sensible choice just because it was Suga who was wearing it.

“Hey cutie,” he grinned.

“Hey… hey.” Oikawa felt his neck heat up uncomfortably. Suga giggled and pulled him down by his arm to kiss him. Oikawa smiled automatically, feeling comfortable with him despite the heat that was now climbing up his face.

“I have to grab my keys real quick.”

“Sure.”

They left together after Oikawa grabbed his necessities and headed towards the street down the outdoor stairs of his building. Suga took a few fast steps ahead to open the passenger side for Oikawa. He chuckled at him.

“Is this your car?” He asked before Suga closed the door behind him. He hopped into the driver’s seat and sighed.

“Nah, it’s Daichi’s. But he lets me drive it occasionally. Just don’t, like, throw up or splatter your ice cream over the seats or something.”

Oikawa laughed. “Tempting, but I’ll try not to.” Suga grinned and started driving. Oikawa didn’t know where the closest ice cream shop was, but they seemed to be going farther than he would’ve estimated. Suga eventually pulled into a small parking lot. Oikawa met him outside, nervously sticking his hands into his back pockets. He tried to mentally coax himself into not being too nervous.

He felt Suga grab his arm and pull it towards him. Oikawa looked up and saw him take his forearm in his arms only to grasp his hand in one of his own. He smiled at Oikawa, whose mouth went dry at the sight. They were just holding hands, it was fine…

Suga guided him towards the small ice cream shop. It was a small cube of a store, sitting all by itself in front of the parking lot, with a bright red awning above the windows to order through.

“This place has the best ice cream, me and Daichi like to go here after shows sometimes.” Oikawa stared up at the long list of flavors Suga pointed to with his free hand. He was a little too distracted by his other hand, however; he thought maybe his own was a little too sweaty and felt gross in slippery in the other’s, and that the hand that wasn’t holding anything was too cold and shaky. He took a deep breath and felt Suga’s shoulder lean against his. He looked over a smidge and saw Suga staring at the list in wonder. He swallowed and looked back, wanting to be prepared with an answer if he asked him what he wanted. Shivers went up his spine when Suga’s thumb started rubbing over his knuckles. He couldn’t tell if it was intentional or if he was doing it absentmindedly.

Suga sighed dreamily. “I can never decide what to get and always end up ordering the same thing. What are you thinking of?”

He knew Suga was looking at him. And all he could think of was how bumpy and uneven his skin was and how gross it would look up close. He licked his lips.

“Maybe the coffee ice cream?”

“Mm, I’ve had that before. Tired of the tea at work?” Suga snickered.

Oikawa let out a small chuckle. “Guess so.”

“I usually get the chocolate chip caramel,” he smiled giddily.

“Oh, then maybe I’ll get something sweet instead.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, I’ll want to taste yours so I’ll need something sweet to counteract it, right?” Oikawa said matter-of-factly.

Suga laughed. A beautiful sound. “Of course.”

Suga ordered his chocolate chip caramel, and Oikawa settled on strawberry. Suga voluntarily paid for the two of them, arguing that Oikawa paid for their dinner last time, so it was only fair. They sat at one of the outside tables, the bench cold under Oikawa’s thighs. The two sat close, Suga’s knee bumping into Oikawa’s every so often. He glanced at the shorter on his right and saw him absolutely entranced by the first bite of his ice cream.

“Mm,” his eyebrows shot up, surprising Oikawa. He dropped his spoon back into his cup and shifted to grab his phone from his back pocket. “Let’s take a picture.” He held his phone up, intending to take a selfie. Oikawa sat a little straighter. He knew how to act in front of a camera. He turned his cup so the logo would face the camera and angled the spoon in it before leaning in slightly and putting on a smile. Suga laughed and took the picture. He looked at it.

“You didn’t have to pose your ice cream.”

Oikawa turned to him. “I  _ know  _ how to take a picture.”

“Oh, alright,” Suga grinned. “You take it then, Mister Instagram Model.” He handed Oikawa the phone, and he held it up with his left hand. His left side was probably his better side anyway. He angled it to test the lighting then moved their cups of ice cream slightly.

“Here, get closer,” he used his other arm to pull Suga closer to him, regretting the decision to do so immediately because now his hand was on Suga’s waist, and he didn’t know if he should keep it there or not. He felt Suga’s hand on his inner thigh and tried not to tense up. He put on his best, picture-ready smile, watching Suga do the same in the camera’s reflection. He took the picture.

“Give me that,” Suga snatched the phone back and flipped between the two photos they took. He sighed frustratedly. “Alright, yours might be a  _ little  _ better, but I’m not aiming for quality, I’m aiming for authenticity here.”

Oikawa chuckled, hesitant to remove his hand from his waist and instead moved it towards his lower back. Suga leaned into his side and continued to eat his ice cream, staring at his phone as he uploaded one of their selfies to snapchat. Oikawa then realized he probably should’ve taken his arm back when he had the chance. He needed it to eat ice cream and now his path of escape was blocked by Suga. Suga laughed as he tried to meander it in between them, giving him a playful kiss against his neck.

“Ah, you’re cold!”

“Yeah, ice cream does that.”

They chatted as they ate their ice cream, even doing the thing where they fed each other a spoonful of the flavor they got, which Oikawa thought was disgustingly sweet (even though he’s done it plenty of times before with girlfriends in high school). Suga informed him of their most recent gig, how much fun he had, what songs he sang (once Oikawa asked). He apparently ran into this rock band he used to listen to; he said it was amazing to be able to play at the same place as them, and Oikawa thought he couldn’t look any more beautiful than he did when talking adamantly about the things he loved. He almost wished they could sit like this forever, just so he could watch the minute details of his face as he spoke with passion.

“You have something on your face,” Suga said suddenly, taking him out of his trance.

“Where?” He sat straighter from his former position of casually leaning on his elbow to eat his ice cream.

“Here,” Suga reached for Oikawa’s face, and he blushed at the thought of him wiping his chin--though more in an embarrassed way--and froze up. Instead, he grabbed his face and licked the ice cream off his cheek.

“Ew!” Oikawa shrieked, making Suga burst into laughter. He held onto the table so as not to double over. “That’s gross!” He refrained from saying Takahiro’s name, who has done that to him more than once before. He hoped the two never met; they might get along too well.

“I don’t know where your tongue’s been!”

“Sure you do.”

“Okay, I know  _ some  _ places it’s been, but not everywhere.”

Suga shrugged, continuously sniggering at him. “Fair point.” He stood to take their cups to a nearby trash can, and Oikawa rubbed the remains of his saliva off his cheek with his jacket sleeve.

“Ready to go?”Suga asked and Oikawa said yes. They were rather silent on the car ride back to Oikawa’s apartment. He wondered if he meant go as in leave the ice cream shop or go back to one of their houses. He didn’t feel like he had much energy today, however.

Suga parked in front of Oikawa’s apartment building. There was a pause.

“I know this was sudden and eating ice cream doesn’t take that long, but… I had fun.”

“Yeah,” Oikawa agreed, relaxing in the passenger seat a bit. “We should go on more little dates and stuff. It would probably make this feel less intimidating for you in the relationship sense…”

Suga grinned widely. “Yeah, I’d like that.” Another pause. “Do you want me to walk you to your door?”

Oikawa let out a laugh. “No, you don’t have to. But, um--” he swallowed. “You can come up if you want.” He glanced up and was worried by the surprised look on Suga’s face.

“Oh, I didn’t know you wanted to…”

“I don’t, I just thought…” he pressed the heel of his palm into the meat of his thigh. “We could hang out and spend the night together… or something.” He looked over to Suga again, who had a small smile with a surprising shyness in his eyes.

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

Oikawa led him up to his apartment, trying not to let his hands shake as he put his key in the door. It’d been a while since he hung out with someone alone at his apartment other than a friend. Where they haven’t had sex. He tried to reassure himself that there was nothing to be nervous of, while also trying to remember the last time he’d done this, in college. They watched a movie and talked about mindless shit. He thought that could work here too.

“You had dinner already, right?” Oikawa asked as he walked into his apartment.

“Yeah, Daichi and I got takeout on our way back. I had to feed Daichi his while he drove.” They shared a laugh and retreated to the bedroom, the only area that had sitting space. Suga sat on the edge of the bed, and Oikawa glanced at him as he shook off his jacket and hung it back in his closet. He saw him wipe his hands on the tops of his jeans. Oikawa took a deep breath. It eased his anxieties to know that Suga was a bit nervous about this as well.

He turned and grabbed his laptop off his desk, sitting next to Suga and opening it. “Here,” he spoke slowly as he logged in and typed Netflix into his browser. “You can pick a movie for us. Do you want tea or anything to drink?”

“Sure, I’ll take tea.” He gently placed the laptop in the other’s lap and was met with a warm smile. He strode into his kitchen and fumbled with a packet of tea. He took a deep breath. He knew how to have sex. With Suga. He knew how to do that. But they’re not having sex tonight. He didn’t know how to act. No, yes he did, he’s done this before, just with other people. He’d be fine.

The water felt like it took forever to boil, but he made the tea and poured himself a glass of water, coming back to the bedroom, a mere four steps from his kitchen counter. He sat back down.

“Did you find something good?” He handed the tea to him and glanced towards his screen in Suga’s lap. Love Actually. Oikawa winced.

“Oh, you don’t think Love Actually is good?” Suga raised a challenging brow.

“Well,” Oikawa leaned away slightly. “It’s not that, I’ve just never… seen it…”

Suga gasped. “You’ve _ never seen it _ ?”

“Yeah, I just never got the chance and was never really inclined to watch it.”

“Oh, okay, so now we  _ have  _ to watch it.”

“Is it that good? Just a bunch of straight white people having love drama, isn’t it?”

“You have a point, but it  _ is  _ that good. Just watch and see.”

So they did. Oikawa invited Suga to lay back on his bed. He waited for Suga to sit back against the pillows before lying slightly lower and putting his head on the other’s shoulder. Suga chuckled.

“Expected you to spoon me, honestly.”

“Nope. I like feeling small.”

He chuckled. “Oh yeah, I do remember that,” he put an arm around Oikawa and squeezed his shoulders lightly. Oikawa wondered if Suga was warm still wearing his sweatshirt. He pressed his cheek against the other’s chest and inhaled. He smelled comforting; he had a light scented cologne that smelled more like vanilla than any other cologne he’d smelled, and his sweatshirt was reminiscent of laundry. He relaxed his body, placing a hand on his chest.

He had to admit. The movie wasn’t as good as Suga made it seem. But he didn’t know how to tell him that. Now that the movie was over, the two of them had gotten a little more comfortable. Their legs were entangled slightly, the laptop resting precariously on Suga’s hips. Oikawa’s arm was now across Suga’s torso, and his head was resting under his chin. Occasionally, Suga gave small kisses to the top of Oikawa’s head, and it did influence his enjoyment of the movie a bit. He tried to convince Suga that he liked the movie, but he didn’t completely believe him. Well, it wasn’t  _ great _ , but Oikawa could only take so many romcoms.

They laid for a short while. Oikawa yawned.

“Are you ready to go to bed?”

“I think so,” Oikawa blinked slowly. Hopefully he could continue laying with him like this, just under a blanket. “Are you tired?”

“Not really, but I’ll go to bed with you,” he smiled.

“Do you wanna borrow a shirt or something?”

Suga smirked. “My turn to wear your clothes, huh? That’s a yes from me, you smell good.” Oikawa smiled and sat up reluctantly. Look who’s talking. He threw him a shirt from his dresser and changed himself, looking back not-so-secretly at Suga pulling off his clothes. He always looked so good, he couldn’t believe he was here with him. He didn’t know what could make him believe it, if he ever could.

He slipped into bed, Suga following shortly after. He closed his eyes for a moment, focusing on how Suga’s hands felt flicking up and down his arms. His lips touched his forehead, and Oikawa just wanted to melt into his bedsheets and not leave for the rest of time. He scooted himself closer until their bodies were pressed together and their bare legs were brushing up against and between each other. He slid a hand up the back of his shirt, surprised about how cold his skin felt.

“Getting frisky?” Suga muttered in his hair.

Oikawa just chuckled in reply and nuzzled his face in the crook of Suga’s neck. He placed a kiss right above his collar bones, on the soft dip of skin that made him gasp the last time he kissed him there. God, he was happy. So happy that he would willingly be there with him. They laid in comfortable silence and slowly but surely fell asleep in each other’s arms.


	7. On the Subway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh !!! i wanted to finish the fic by the end of the year but at least i got this chapter before new years! hopefully the next (and last) chapter will come out before my spring semester starts (in a little over two weeks). in the meantime, thank you for being patient with me and keeping up with this story ! its been a pain to write so many words, idk why i do this to myself, but i hope you enjoy it! this chapter is named after On the Subway by Akmu/Akdong Muscian

Oikawa and Suga flip flopped between each other’s apartments. It wasn’t an agreed upon thing, more so just something that kind of happened. Oikawa viewed it positively; at least they weren’t only eating all the food in his own fridge. He probably wouldn’t be able to afford that, even though he had a reasonable wage from the tea shop. He thought that Takeda-sensei was actually more generous than he should be, but he always just laughed it off and said that his teas made up for it. Oikawa didn’t really understand until Futakuchi gossiped to him and Tanaka that he used to make tea personally for someone really rich (and unnamed) and was able to open his own shop with the money he was given (plus some).

He shook out of his thoughts and looked over from his phone to Suga sitting on the bed, hunched over a notebook. They hung out occasionally like this, not really doing anything, but maybe having a movie or TV show playing in the background. Suga groaned and hung his head. Oikawa reached out to put a comforting hand on his thigh.

“Having trouble?”

“I just can’t think of any… good ideas. I need inspiration.”

“Like what?”

Suga looked at Oikawa. He leaned back and twisted his body to face Oikawa, taking his face between his hands. Oikawa just looked at him, afraid to breathe and disturb the intensity that appeared in Suga’s eyes, seemingly drilling into his own. He closed them and dipped down to kiss Oikawa’s lips. He felt self conscious for a moment; his hands were still holding his phone but he wasn’t sure if he should risk their position to try to hold onto his boyfriend. But Suga retreated shortly, though very slowly.

“Was that supposed to be your inspiration?” Oikawa whispered.

“Mm, maybe,” he dragged his thumb over Oikawa’s bottom lip. He sighed and slumped over Oikawa’s chest. “Ugh,” he laid his cheek against Oikawa’s collarbone.

“I can’t write! I can’t do it.”

“Well, you’ve been only doing it for a little while, right?

He groaned again. “Do you want to go get coffee or something?”

“I don’t drink coffee often, and I know you already had some today.”

Suga pouted in response. “But that was hot coffee, I need ice coffee now.” He stared at Oikawa’s crooked smile before shimmying down and running his hands up Oikawa’s shirt. He chuckled.

“What are you doing?” He swallowed and stared at Suga lowering his head to kiss above his belly button. He didn’t answer. Oikawa bit his lip, always a little bit self conscious about his stomach nowadays. He cautiously rested his hands on his chest and watched Suga pepper kisses across his abdomen. He paused and rested his chin on his stomach.

“I never met your one friend, Iwaizumi.”

“That’s what you were thinking about?” He chuckled. Suga crawled up and laid on top of Oikawa, making him grunt. Suga slid his fingers through his hair. He placed his lips on the edge of his jaw.

“I love being with you,” he said quietly.

“Just don’t mess up my hair.”

“But I was thinking about your friends.”

“Hold on,” Oikawa put a hand on the back of Suga’s head. “I’d rather not talk about my friends if you’re planning to make out.”

Suga laughed, his shoulders shaking, and sat up, straddling Oikawa’s hips. “Sorry, sorry. I just mean…” he glanced to the side. “I don’t really know, like, when in a relationship we’re supposed to meet each other’s friends? I just,” he shrugged nervously. “Want to meet yours.”

Oikawa blinked. He grabbed his hands, coaxing the other to look at him. He knew he was more familiar with physical relationships, which lead to them being physical more often than not, and because of that, he got anxious about what it meant to be in a relationship and if he was doing this right. Coincidentally, he told Oikawa all this one night after having sex. He did his best to help guide him through the whole relationship thing, but he assured him that each was different and however they went with their relationship, whatever felt comfortable with them was good enough.

“I’m not sure you want to meet my friends.”

Suga’s shoulders slumped and his face fell into a smile. “Come on, I’m serious!”

“So am I! Honestly, Suga-chan, I’m scared of what will happen if you and Makki get drunk and team up with each other. It will be a nightmare!”

“What about your precious Iwa-chan?”

Oikawa gasped dramatically. “I don’t even want to think about it,” he rubbed up Suga’s forearms in a hopefully comforting manner. Suga grinned.

“So? How about it?” He bit his lips and played with Oikawa’s fingers on his left, leaving his right free for his phone.

“Well… I’d have to text them…”

“Okay,” Suga lifted his hand and kissed his palm, letting Oikawa feel just how soft his lips were, once more. He playfully grinded his hips into Oikawa’s. “Want to have sex? For my inspiration?”

“You don’t write about sex. What kind of inspirations would you get?” He lifted an eyebrow.

“Mm, feelings?” Suga stuck one of Oikawa’s fingers in his mouth.

Oikawa squirmed and swallowed. “Well if you need more inspiration I am more than happy to help.”

Oikawa turned over and reached for his phone which had wormed its way under the pillow. He panted and scrolled through his recent messages. “Iwa-chan said we could probably do tomorrow night if that’s not too soon. Might be a little too soon,” he mumbled the last bit more so to himself. He leaned on his elbow and sighed. He felt Suga wrap his arm around him from behind. Their skin was still burning with lust and sweat. Oikawa reached back with his foot, and Suga reciprocated, entangling their legs under the covers.

“Works for me. We don’t have another gig for like a month or so. Thought we’d take a break to work on some new songs and to rest and stuff.”

“Yeah, you do need the rest,” Oikawa reached up behind him and flitted his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair. “Speaking of,” he put his phone down and rolled over, wrapping Suga into a hug. “You’ve been stressing over writing this song for over a week.You should take a break from it. We’ve got other stressful things to be worrying about this weekend.”

Suga squirmed to free his arms and hugged him back. “Oh please, it won’t be that bad. What do you guys usually do when you’re together? We could play a game or something.”

“Is that what you and your friends do?”

“Sometimes,” he smiled and leaned his forehead against Oikawa’s. “When we don’t have anything planned, we play a board game or something. Makes for a good time,” he laughed lightly. Oikawa smiled and wormed his arms around Suga’s neck.

“We could do that. We don’t play board games too often. Iwa-chan gets angry,” he chuckled. “He might not if there’s someone new there, but since you’re my boyfriend then nothing will change.”

“You’re putting him in a bit of a bad light,” Suga grinned and kissed his nose. He scrunched his nose at the contact.

“Isn’t that my job? To make fun of my best friend? You do it to Daichi-san.”

“You’re cute.”

Oikawa heard a sigh from behind him. “Please don’t tell me you guys are naked.” He turned his head and Suga lifted his to see Daichi in the doorway pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Alright, then I won’t,” Suga grinned and leaned on his elbow. “You need something?”

“Well,” Daichi glanced back at them and exhaled through his nose. “You said you’d go grocery shopping today, and it’s already four. We need food for dinner.”

“Oh right. I did say that, didn’t I?” He sucked in a breath. “Do you want to go… together?”

“I went last time. And the time before that. It’s your turn.” He turned and closed the door behind him. Suga groaned.

“Do  _ you  _ want to come with me?”

“Do you think you’ll need help?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. Maybe we’ll find some snacks for Saturday, too.”

Oikawa didn’t realize the implications of Iwaizumi picking him up like usual until he told Suga that’s what usually happened. He ran a hand down his face, not wanting Iwaizumi to berate the pretty man before they even got in the car. He took a deep breath. He opened his front door.

Iwaizumi stood with a smirk on his face. “You’ve hidden him from us for this long, Oikawa.”

Oikawa pouted with a glare. “You don’t deserve to meet him.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and pushed past him into the apartment. Oikawa quickly shut his door for the time being and followed up the rear.

“So this is the famous Suga-chan,”Iwaizumi crossed his arms as Suga stood from the bed and gave a lopsided smile.

“Um, I wouldn’t say famous?” He laughed nervously. “I’m Sugawara Koushi,” he introduced himself with a bow.

“Iwaizumi Hajime,” he reciprocated with a smaller bow of his head. He gave Suga a once-over, just silently staring at him. Oikawa huffed and moved past him to stand by Suga’s side.

“Iwa-chan you’re going to scare him!”

“No, it’s okay,” Suga laughed nervously. “The Bestfriend meets the Boyfriend. It’s, um, important to him, right?” He nodded cautiously to Iwaizumi but only earned an eyebrow raise in response. Oikawa glanced between the two several times and groaned.

“Let’s just get into the car,” he grumbled. They did. Suga sat in the back seat behind Oikawa. Iwaizumi silently turned on the car and the radio.

“What kind of music do you like, Sugawara-san?”

“Oh, anything is fine. You’re the driver so you can pick the music.”

Iwaizumi smirked. The drive to Hanamaki and Matuskawa’s apartment was quiet but relatively quick. Oikawa wanted to just hide behind Suga when they arrived, but he knew he should probably move in front to protect him instead. He couldn’t predict what would happen. He took a deep breath.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa opened the door together and spoke in tandem. “Welcome! To our humble abode.”

“Ah, Sugawara-san,” Hanamaki had something reminiscent of a grin on his face when Suga entered. Suga introduced himself with a polite bow, and the two trouble makers bowed in a rather dramatic way, to Oikawa.

“Hanamaki Takahiro.”

“And I’m Matsukawa Issei.”

“Nice to meet you,” Suga said with a bit of confusion before they moved to put an arm around him, standing on either side of him.

“So,” Matsukawa started. “Dating Oikawa. Is he as much of a handful for you as he is with us?” Oikawa rolled his eyes. Suga chuckled.

“I wouldn’t say so. He’s really easy to talk to and be around.”

Oikawa sucked in a breath and clasped his hands together. “Suga-chan…”

“Ah, he must show you a different side of him,” Hanamaki nodded. “As expected. But don’t worry. Tonight we’ll make sure to show you his gloriously annoying side.”

“I am not annoying,” Oikawa crossed his arms. “You are simply jealous of what I have to offer,” he sat back on the couch. Suga giggled.

“Very true, babe.”

Oikawa smiled triumphantly, but he probably didn’t hide the blush that came to his cheeks very well. He could feel his heart thumping out of his chest from the pet name; they’d never really used one for each other, unless they counted the times they’ve added “-chan” to each others’ names.

“So what’s the plan for tonight?” Iwaizumi asked and plopped down next to Oikawa, whose other side was simply the armrest, effectively cutting off Suga’s sitting options. But he noticed. And Oikawa noticed that he noticed. He saw him swallow nervously.

“Well, Suga-chan had the idea to play a game!”

“What, like pin the tail on the donkey?” Matsukawa let go of his hold on Suga and jerked his thumb in the direction of Iwaizumi. He glared at him, but Hanamaki snickered. Matsukawa disappeared into the kitchen and passed some beers to Oikawa and Iwaizumi on the couch.

“Like a board game or something.”

“Sugawara-san, what are you drinking?” Matsukawa called from the kitchen. “We have beer for those two and wine for us two.”

“Oh, I’m fine with a beer,” he nodded with a smile, glancing at Hanamaki who was still hanging off him.

“What game then?” Matsukawa came back out with a beer in hand. “We have monopoly?”

Oikawa winced. Iwaizumi looked like he was debating it. “I’d rather not have my life threatened again,” Oikawa chimed in.

“Eh, it wasn’t so bad last time,” Iwaizumi said.

“Yeah, because you were the one threatening me.”

“Well, since we have five people, it’d go faster than usual, right?” Hanamaki shook Suga’s shoulders. To Oikawa’s dismay, that was enough to convince the rest of them of playing. Oikawa suggested they play in teams to avoid prosecution like last time, but the idea was rejected since they would’ve been uneven.

They got out the board and sat on the floor. Oikawa let Suga use the piece that he wanted, the little dog. He settled with the shoe.

The game started off calmly, with only a few glares across the board as Hanamaki and Iwaizumi were the first to buy properties. After only the first run around the board for everyone, Oikawa screeched, surprising no one but Suga who jumped in his spot.

“You can’t buy boardwalk!”

“I landed on it fair and square,” Iwaizumi snickered.

“Mattsun! Stop him!”

“Why?” Matsukawa smiled smugly. Currently, he had a decent amount of money with two of the magenta properties and a railroad. “It’s every man for himself out here, Oikawa.”

“If I land on the last magenta one, I’ll give it to you. I’ll give it to you for the railroad.” Matsukawa thought it over for a moment, his knuckle to his lips, then shook his head.

Hanamaki snickered then nudged Suga with his elbow. “Sugawara-san, do you want to become allies?”

“Allies?” Suga raised his eyebrows in slight confusion, and Oikawa internally fawned over how cute he looked.

“Yeah, we, like, help each other out and stuff,” Hanamaki leaned his shoulder against the others and winked. Movement to Hanamaki’s other side made Oikawa look over and see Matsukawa shifting, seemingly nonchalantly, but Oikawa could tell his face looked a bit wary. He raised a brow. Was he a little jealous of how touchy and friendly Hanamaki was with Suga? Matsukawa, if Oikawa remembered correctly, was never really the jealous type. But he’d also never been in a truly serious relationship. Oikawa glanced at his own boyfriend sitting closely and smiling with one of his best friends. He’d gotten jealous over previous partners before, but he wasn’t now. Maybe it was because he knew Hanamaki and his intentions, which were only joking and playful, whereas Matsukawa didn’t know Suga and who he really was.

“Oikawa, it’s your turn,” Iwaizumi interrupted his thought process.

“Oh sorry.” He moved his piece the appropriate amount of spaces and then had to pay doctor’s fees after picking up a card. He groaned.

“It’s okay, babe. This just means you’re healthier than the other pieces,” Suga said from his left with a sweet smile. Oikawa dramatically laid the back of his hand against his forehead.

“Ah! Suga-chan!” he threw his arms around him. “You always make the most out of a bad situation.” Suga laughed and rubbed Oikawa’s shoulder.

“Oikawa, get off your boyfriend and let him roll.”

“Can’t believe Oikawa actually has a boyfriend. When was the last time you were in an actual relationship?” Matsukawa asked with an eyebrow raised. Oikawa glared at him and shifted back in his spot.

“Pretty rich coming from you,” he crossed his arms. Matsukawa almost looked taken aback and glanced at Hanamaki who looked away at the same moment, as if there was something very interesting on the ceiling above the couch.

“And for your information,” Oikawa stared down at his piles of fake money. “I had a pretty long relationship at the end of university.”

“That one doesn’t count,” Iwaizumi chimed in. “Dating a dominatrix for a year seems like a sex contract to me.” Hanamaki snickered.

“Um,  _ rude _ . You shouldn’t assume every sex worker’s relationships are sex-based.”

“Every time you would talk about her, you would just comment on how good the sex was.”

Oikawa paused and spared a glance at Suga, who was grinning while picking up a card and carrying out his next move. “Well, I can’t argue with that,” he mumbled.

The rest of the monopoly game had its ups and downs, Oikawa had thought. There was some yelling towards the end when Oikawa was suddenly going bankrupt to Suga who had saved his money, and even though he had only one monopoly, he built hotels on them and turned them into killing machines. Iwaizumi bled Matsukawa dry and took the second darker blue property, giving himself the most expensive monopoly and turning it into a true battle between the Bestfriend and the Boyfriend. In Oikawa’s eyes, anyway. Hanamaki’s properties were taken over after a betrayal of their allyship from Suga.

And then. Iwaizumi landed on one of Suga’s red properties. Oikawa’s mouth fell open. He gasped. Hanamaki clung to Matsukawa’s arm.

“This is the end,” he whispered in the silence. Oikawa thought iwaizumi was going to hit the silver-haired man with a murderous glare. Oikawa was pretty familiar with the glare, as it was usually aimed toward him. And it almost happened, but then Iwaizumi sighed in defeat. He crossed his arms and shook his head.

“I accept it,” he raised his head to Suga and held out his hand. “Good game.”

“Got to play the long game,” Suga shrugged with a wide grin.

Iwaizumi quietly cleaned up the game with the help from Suga; Oikawa watched them closely as he laid on the floor, twisting his nearly empty bottle of beer in his hands. He didn’t see their lips moving, but he thought they looked like they were getting along. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so worried about it. Well, he was still a little worried, considering he had offered to beat him up before when Oikawa was feeling a bit down on himself.

“You guys sleeping here?” Hanamaki asked, leaning his back against Matsukawa’s chest. Oikawa looked over. He thought they looked cute. He smiled. But he was unsure if the smile was because of the thought or because he was a little tipsy. He shrugged as best as he could while he was lying down.

“Iwa-chan is the one with the car.”

“I’m cool for staying.”

Oikawa looked to Suga. “Suga-chan?”

“Sure,” he flexed his fingers by his side. “If that’s alright with you all?”

Hanamaki shrugged. “You guys can stay in my room. But that means Iwaizumi has to sleep on the couch. And  _ no  _ sex in my bed,” he pointed at the two of them with the hand occupied by his wine glass.

Suga lifted an eyebrow. “But where are you sleeping?”

“Oh I sleep--” he glanced between Oikawa and Iwaizumi. He swallowed. “I sleep with Issei…”

Suga looked between the two. “Oh. I didn’t realize you guys were together.”

Hanamaki’s eyes flicked towards Oikawa. “He didn’t tell you?”

Oikawa shrugged again, this time holding himself up by his elbows. “Never came up.”

“Bullshit. You love to gossip.”

Oikawa scoffed in his usual dramatic sense. “I do not.” He took an inconspicuous sip of beer. “I didn’t really know how out you were and how much you wanted people to know about your relationship, you know?”

Hanamaki blinked, and Oikawa thought he saw Matsukawa wrap his arm tighter around him than before. “Oh,” was all he said.

Suga was a bit anxious about staying over, or so he said to Oikawa as he was untucking the blankets from Hanamaki’s bed. Oikawa looked over at him, one of Oikawa’s leftover sweatpants on his legs and a shirt crumpled between his fidgeting hands.

“I just feel like I’m encroaching, it’s your friends’ place and they barely know me and stuff and--”

“Don’t worry too much,” he stood and grabbed his arms, making him tense slightly. He rubbed his hands up his arms. “My friends are pretty relaxed about these things. Partners can stay over and stuff,” he wrapped his arms around Suga’s neck, placed a small kiss on his nose. “You can stay. It’s no big deal.”

There was a knock on the door before it opened, and Iwaizumi peaked his head in.

“Oh, sorry,” he said once he saw the two. Oikawa retracted his touch slightly, but didn’t pull away. “Bathroom’s open if you need it.” He ducked out. Suga sighed.

“I’m going to go pee.”

Oikawa chuckled and got into bed. He waited to feel Suga slip into bed until he moved again, brushing his fingers against his arm and up his neck to his face. He heard him chuckle in the newfound darkness.

“Didn’t Hanamaki-san say not to have sex here?” He crawled over the other’s chest, and Oikawa could feel his leg moving between his own. Oikawa giggled as a tongue grazed the skin of his neck.

“And we won’t.”

“But you always get so touchy when you’re horny.”

“Not just when I’m horny,” Oikawa hugged around his neck again, effectively keeping him in place. “I just want to hold you.” His skin tingled at the vibrations made from Suga’s chuckling on his neck.

“Okay,” he wormed his hands up to Oikawa’s face. “We’ll cuddle then.” And he kissed his forehead goodnight.

“Morning,” Suga mumbled with a smile and messily caressed Oikawa’s face. Oikawa knew what he looked like in the morning. He did his best to hide it in the crook of Suga’s neck. He pressed dry lips to his collar bone and laid half on top of him. One of them was always on top of the other.

“Baby,” the slightly squished one laughed. He threaded a hand into Oikawa’s hair, and the latter nudged his neck with his nose. “Do you like that?” Suga whispered to him. “When I call you that?”

“You haven’t done it before,” Oikawa mumbled.

“I know. I wanted to try it. Makes us really sound like a couple, doesn’t it?”

Oikawa blinked, staring just at the underside of Suga’s jaw and the pores of his neck. He saw him swallow.

“Are you okay? Was that a weird thing to say?” His arm tightened around Oikawa, but he pulled away to look at Suga’s face.

“It’s okay, I’m okay…” he glanced away. “I… like it.”

“Aww,” Suga retracted his hands and brought them to the sides of his boyfriend’s face. “You’re so cute when you blush,” he brushed his thumbs across the tops of his cheeks, but it was short-lived. Oikawa pulled them off.

“Don’t touch my face! It’s so oily in the mornings,” he pouted.

“It’s okay, my skin is already dry.”

“You’re gross.” There was a pause before either one spoke again. Oikawa listened to their breathing together, feeling somehow sentimental. He reached with his foot for Suga’s, who poked him with his own.

“When would you, um, want to meet my friends?” Oikawa looked up at the other’s face. He took a shaky breath.

“Uh, I mean I met Daichi-san?”

Suga gave a small chuckle. “He is my best friend, but I want you to meet my other friends too.”

“I mean, I do want to meet them, I’m just… meeting new people is scary,” he pouted again.

“I promise I’ll protect you. The most aggressive in my group of friends is probably Daichi, and you already know him. I’m pretty sure he likes you.”

“Pretty sure?”

“Yeah, he’s said that he likes you, and he hasn’t said that he didn’t. He just thinks you’re a little too timid for me.” Oikawa snorted. “I know. He obviously hasn’t seen you in bed.”

Oikawa pushed him away playfully, earning a laugh, and sat up. “I’m going to the bathroom. You can head out into the living room if you want.”

“Okay, sure.”

Oikawa almost ran to check his hair and minimally wash off his face. He still, even after a couple weeks, didn’t like Suga seeing his appearance in the morning. It was inevitable, of course, and Suga always complimented him anyway.

When he came out, he saw Suga and Iwaizumi chatting quietly in the kitchen, which made him feel uneasy at the sight. He popped his head in.

“Yeah, he’s kind of always had--”

“What are you guys talking about?” He blinked at the two and saw Iwaizumi turn his head quickly and Suga jump a bit.

“Gossiping,” Iwaizumi said, turning away again. “About the lover birds still in bed right now.” Oikawa thought he saw Suga’s shoulders sag slightly in relief. He ignored it for now.

“And making tea,” Suga offered with a smile.

“Mm, tea sounds good.”

“Really? Aren’t you sick of tea by now?” Iwaizumi asked incredulously.

“Pff, no. I drink a different tea each week so I don’t get bored.” Oikawa grabbed a cup held up by Suga. They retreated to the sofa and Iwaizumi made cups for their two other friends. They came in less than ten minutes afterwards, Matsukawa with his eyes still closed and only standing with the support of Hanamaki.

“Ah, there they are,” Suga smiled fondly at the couple. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes but kept one of them on the two. They hadn’t really shown affection in front of Iwaizumi and Oikawa, even though they’d now technically been dating longer than Suga and Oikawa, who were cuddled up on the couch at the moment. But Hanamaki went into the kitchen to get breakfast started, presumably with Iwaizumi, and Matsukawa hugged him from behind, his head hooked onto his shoulder. Oikawa thought they were cute. He was mostly just happy that his friends were happy.

“How about this coming weekend?” Suga said semi-quietly.

“What?”

“We’ve been planning a get-together for a while. You can come with. Meet them all.”

Oikawa took a deep, uncertain breath. “Okay?”

Suga chuckled. “It’ll be okay,” he rubbed his arm. “They’ll like you. Because I like you. And because you’re so easy to like.”

“You sure know how to flatter a man,” Oikawa sipped his tea.

“And so do you.”

“Oikawa-san, good morning!”

“Morning, Tana-chan,” Oikawa walked into the Jasmine Dragon, tinkling bells training behind him. “No Futakuchi-kun?”

“Nope. I’m working his shift today so I can have off this weekend. So he isn’t coming today.”

“Ah, okay. You have plans this weekend?” Oikawa ducked into the back room for a moment to leave his jacket and wallet there.

“Just with my fiance and her friends.” He beamed brighter than usual.

“Fiance? When did this happen my little tea boy?” Oikawa tied his apron with an amused grin on his face. Tanaka blushed slightly.

“This week. We try to go out to nice restaurants every once in a while, and this month I just brought a little something with me,” he shrugged, attempting to seem nonchalant.

“Wow, Tana-chan, certainly impressed her I guess.”

“Yeah,” he grinned at the floor. “But what about you? Any plans for the weekend?”

“Meeting up with my boyfriend and stuff. Maybe get drunk if I feel stressed enough.”

“Are things going okay between you guys?”

“Oh yeah,” Oikawa wiped off the counter really quickly. “We’re just… going to see some people, and I’m a bit nervous. At least if I embarrass myself in front of them, I can just blame it on the alcohol.”

Tanaka chuckled. “Good luck then.”

The bell on the door dinged, and Oikawa stood at attention at the cash register. He saw the two familiar men approaching and put on a smile.

“Well hello homosexuals. What can I do for you this Friday?”

Matsukawa offered a sly grin, his hand held tightly in Hanamaki’s. Oikawa probably wouldn’t have greeted them like that if they weren’t the only ones in the shop.

“We’re on a little lunch date, and we thought we’d get some tea before food.”

“Aw, you guys are so cute! What kind of tea do you want?”

The couple were in and out in relatively little time. They sat at a table for a few minutes, drinking their tea and making small conversation. Oikawa stayed back to do his job; he didn’t want to interrupt their date. But he would look over every once in a while to check on them and thought it was cute when Matsukawa wiped cream from a pastry off Hanamaki’s lip. Where did he get such adorable friends?

Saturday was D-Day. Suga thought Oikawa was overreacting. At least, he said so over text. He was meeting Suga at his work; he couldn’t take off today. And Oikawa wanted to see him hard at work.

“Hey baby,” Suga came up to him and gave him a quick kiss. Oikawa reached for one of his hands with both of his.

“Hey. How was work?” He glanced through the window of the cafe and thought he saw a guy with freckles and some hair sticking up snickering to a tall stoic one as they looked at them together.

“It was alright. My coworkers really want to meet you though. Were talking about it my whole shift.”

Oikawa chuckled. “Got to wait some more. I’m already meeting your peoples.”

“Ah yes, my peoples.” He pulled Oikawa by the hand in a direction opposite of the bus stop.

“Where are we going?”

“Train. Quicker, and we don’t have a car.”

“What about Daichi-san? Can’t he pick us up?”

“He has the car and was visiting family, so he’ll meet us there. It’s in the same area, pretty much,” he smiled and shivered a bit from the increasing cold. They didn’t have to wait long at the station. They stood, holding hands, and Oikawa was only a little bit anxious about passerbys seeing them with hands clasped. He tightened his grip and swayed on his heels. Suga didn’t say anything until they were on the train and Oikawa was subconsciously reaching for his empty back pocket. He paused and sat in one of the empty seats.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” He noticed Suga glance towards his pockets. “I just usually listen to… your music on the bus and stuff.”

“My music, huh?” He pressed his arm against Oikawa’s and rested his head on the taller’s shoulder. “Which songs do you like to listen to? Or would’ve liked to listen to?”

“Mm, I don’t know. Whatever ones come on.”

“Hmm. Songs good for the train… Oh,” he shifted and put a hand on Oikawa’s arm. “I know a good one.” He cleared his throat and breathed deeply.

“ _ Busy morning and evening rush hour _ .” A chill went down Oikawa’s spine when he heard Suga’s sing-songy voice. He focused on Suga’s voice as he watched the passing buildings and scenery, the people talking together on the train or sitting on their phones.

“ _ The subway is a reduced size of the world. In the subway, people are… holding a smartphone, shaking, and swaying. Guys are playing games, girls are on their homepages. Young people have their headphones in and dancing. Lovers, students, workers, everyone meets here. _ ” He felt calm, relaxed. He reached for Suga’s hand as Suga gently sang the lyrics in his ear. They replayed as he sang them, the melody echoing in his skull. He leaned his head back on the other’s.

He was tempted to sing the latter half of the song with him, but he didn’t want to interrupt that beautiful sound. The sound he fell in love with. And god he was in love with him. All that was left was to say it. But he wasn’t sure if he ever could. The only thing holding him back being that “what if” feeling: what if Suga doesn’t love him back? Or just doesn’t love him as much as he does and gets scared? He swallowed and tried to focus again on the song, on the specific words coming out of his mouth. He barely noticed the words fading into silence.

“Should I sing another?”

“No, that’s okay.”

“Don’t be too nervous,” he squeezed Oikawa’s hand. “My friends are nice.”

“I’m not saying they aren’t.”

Suga led him off the train shortly afterwards. He said it wasn’t a far walk to his friend Asahi’s house, but it felt longer in the colder air.

“Suga!” Asahi ushered them inside before Oikawa could properly discern his face. Once they stepped over the threshold and Suga unwrapped his scarf, Oikawa grabbed his hands between his own and blew his hot breath in between them. Suga noticeably shivered then brushed his cold fingers against his cheek.

“Thank you, baby.”

“I know how cold your hands get,” he grinned.

“Oh hey,” Daichi came up next to Asahi. Asahi stood patiently, looking a little timid. It made Oikawa feel a little comforted that he wasn’t the only anxious one.

“Um,” Suga quickly kicked off his shoes, as did Oikawa. “Oikawa, this is Asahi. Asahi, this is Oikawa.”

“Azumane Asahi,” he bowed. He was tall, taller than Oikawa, even. His hair was long, too, held up in a loose bun at the back of his head and black framed glasses that outlined dark, intense eyes that seemed to somewhat match his exterior, but definitely not what Oikawa could gauge of his interior.

“Oikawa Tooru.”

“Shimizu is in the other room,” Daichi pointed back with his thumb.

“Oh, right,” Suga sighed, turning to Oikawa. “You’ll have to introduce yourself again.”

He chuckled. “It’s okay.” When they traveled to the aforementioned other room, he was surprised to see a familiar face. “Tana-chan?”

“Oikawa-san! I was wondering where I had seen Suga before when he visited you that one day; it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other. Small world, huh?”

“Really,” Oikawa chuckled. “So your fiance is one of my boyfriend’s best friends?” He faced the woman; she was beautiful, frankly. Her glasses didn’t hide how brightly her eyes shone, and the mole at the edge of her lips was pretty attractive, if Oikawa was being honest. She introduced herself as Shimizu Kiyoko, and Oikawa reintroduced himself.

“Sit,” Azumane ushered them onto the couches and seating in the living room and offered people drinks.

“This is your house, Azumane-san?” Oikawa asked, looking around.

“No, no. Technically it’s my parents’, but it’s their anniversary tomorrow so they went to a small resort for the weekend,” Azumane smiled sheepishly.

“Oh, congrats to them,” Oikawa offered and took some water from the man. He heard a door open somewhere and looked over, not expecting anyone else to be in the house unless one of Azumane’s siblings were here. The woman that came into the room didn’t look related to him, or anyone here. She had a cute, round face and short hair that complimented her face instead of making it look more circular. She was shorter than Shimizu as well.

“Ah, Yui,” Daichi stood with an arm out and a happy smile of a sort that Oikawa had never seen him with. Oikawa stood to introduce himself.

“Michimiya Yui,” she said a bit shyly. He recognized her last name. Considering the company, he remembered it rather quickly; she was Daichi’s girlfriend. Azumane mentioned there were snacks in the kitchen and Tanaka bounced up to help bring them out.

“I would’ve given you sake for the engagement, but I didn’t have time to get any,” Azumance sighed.

“You didn’t have to get us anything,” Shimizu smiled.

“If only I knew, then I’d have more time!” He cried dramatically. It surprised Oikawa but he chuckled anyway. “Did you ask anyone about the ring?” He directed toward Tanaka.

“He asked me,” Daichi revealed with a lopsided smile.

“Daichi! You knew?” Suga exclaimed. Daichi chuckled.

“Yes, but not for long. And he didn’t tell me much, in case I accidentally let something slip.”

“Ooh, yeah, can I see it?” Michimiya chirped and leaned forward. Shimizu blushed slightly and held her hand out. Michimiya inhaled in a small gasp. Oikawa and Suga also leaned in to look.

“It’s so pretty,” Oikawa smiled.

“It really suits you, Shimizu,” Suga input.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want something big either,” Michimiya shook her head. “Too clunky.”

“Take note, Daichi,” Suga poked the man’s wide bicep. Daichi whipped his head around and Michimiya’s face burned pink. Daichi chuckled awkwardly, his cheekbones darkening against his tanned skin.

“It’s, aha, far too early for that,” Michimiya tucked some hair behind her ear nervously, but it fell back out in front of her face.

“I mean, we’ve technically known each other since high school,” Daichi mumbled.

“Daichi!” Michimiya hit his arm lightly, clearly embarrassed. Oikawa chuckled, as did the others in the room.

There was a mention of a trivia game in the room, accompanied by a varying degree of healthy snacks. They played a Jeopardy game first, and Oikawa learned a lot. Not just from the trivia, but also about his boyfriend’s friends. It didn’t surprise him that Tanaka knew a lot of the sports-related questions, minus facts related to basketball and American football. But he didn’t expect Shimizu to know a lot of them, too. She seemed passionate when answering them, which told Oikawa that she wasn’t just interested in them because her partner was.

Her and Azumane knew a scattered amount of history questions, although Azumane somehow knew more international history. Him and Michimiya ended up arguing about when a certain war in Europe ended; both of them thought they were right, obviously, and Daichi didn’t know who to back up. But when the answer was eventually revealed, it turned out neither of them were right. It wasn’t a surprise Suga and Daichi knew a lot of pop culture and music related questions, though Daichi knew more of the pop stuff and less of the culture items. Suga said it was simply because he was more cultured of a person. Oikawa only knew bits and pieces from things he’d picked up in the world or just remembered from his time in school. He was glad that everyone seemed to loosen up the more he played; it was something else that made him feel just a bit less nervous around them all.

After their first game of Jeopardy, Azumane went to the kitchen to replenish some of the snacks, and Oikawa offered to help.  
“Thank you,” he nodded. Oikawa reached for a bag of chips and pulled a wide bowl towards him on the kitchen counter. He almost startled when he started pouring them out and Azumane spoke.

“We only just met, so sorry if this is personal or unexpected,” he bit his lip and filled a smaller bowl with fruits. “But I’ve been single for a while. And if you didn’t know, I still am. I was a little disappointed when I heard Suga started dating someone; he’s never really dated before, and I just didn’t want to be alone in that fact, you know?” Oikawa nodded slowly. “But he seems happier than usual today, and I think that’s because of you.” Oikawa swallowed and paused the movement of his hands. This was unexpected. “So thank you for giving him some happiness. I mean, he wasn’t all sad before, but… um, you know what I mean.”

Azumane smiled nervously, a little lopsided. Oikawa gave a smile back. He looked back down at his hands.

“Thank you,” he said quietly. “He’s made me happy too…”

“I’m glad. He’s made some questionably relationship decisions before, but he’s a good guy. And… he’d been hurt before, too.” He swallowed. “I don’t want to see him hurt like that again.” He exhaled with a dip of his shoulders. He startled. “I don’t mean that I think you’d hurt him,” he stuttered. “But he’s more sensitive than he seems, and, uh, well, I don’t want to say anything he’s been through, especially if he hasn’t told you yet… um…” Oikawa raised an eyebrow. Sure there were past things they hadn’t told each other yet, especially about past relationships. It never came up, and if it did, they only brought up happier memories. Otherwise, Suga would just change the subject.

They brought snacks back out and were greeted with cheers from Suga. 

“Babe! You’re my savior!”

“Your savior is someone who brings you sour cream and cheddar ruffles?”

“Uh, yeah. They’re fucking good.”

“Very true.”

Hours went by of the group chatting and playing a game eerily similar to Family Feud. Oikawa, after observing the group, realized Suga was right. They were very nice and chill people--in relation to Oikawa’s friends anyway.

Daichi ended up driving them back to his and Suga’s apartment. Suga was practically dramatically tired. He fell back on his bed, throwing an arm across his face.

“Time for bed.”

“Maybe take a shower, and then we’ll get into bed.”

He sprung up. “Do you want to take one together?”

Oikawa laughed, taking off his jacket and tossing it at the end of the bed. “Why? It’d be a little cramped.”

“We could,” Suga scooted to the edge of the bed, his hands reaching for Oikawa’s waist. “Just stay close to each other,” he bit his lip. Oikawa rested his forearms on the shorter’s shoulders.

“Shower sex is risky, baby,” he swallowed, glad he didn’t stutter. He wanted to try out calling him a pet name too. Suga pouted. Then he groaned and leaned his head against Oikawa’s hip.

“Babe we haven’t had sex in over a week. I am so pent up.”

Oikawa laughed, slowly brushing his fingers through his boyfriend’s soft ashen hair. He sighed something of relief when he touched it. Both of them seemed to relax slightly from the gentle touch.

“I never said we couldn’t have sex. Just not shower sex.”

Suga’s head whipped up. He stood quickly, one arm wrapping around Oikawa’s waist and one sliding up his chest. “We’re gonna have such good sex tonight I can feel it,” he said close to Oikawa’s ear. He laughed again.

“Calm down, baby,” he hugged him around the neck, feeling warm and comfortable with these new terms for each other.

“I’m going to shower really quick, okay? Like the quickest you’ve ever seen me.” He watched him dart out of the room and decided to change. And he was quick. Frighteningly quick. He wondered if he actually used soap. But he could tell he washed by the refreshing smell of his skin when he bombarded him with a kiss and the fluffy-wetness of his hair when he ran his fingers through it.

And how he touched him, Oikawa couldn’t stop thinking about it. There was so much love in the way he touched and kissed him, he felt like he could cry. He was glad he didn’t actually. He just tried to press the love back into the other’s skin with each of his own touches. With each of his own kisses. The way their bodies entwined together and moved against each other. It was like he was falling for the singer all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i shouldve included more of the interactions between the folks at asahi's place but some could come up next chapter? let me know if you would've liked to see more and it might inspire me to write some in the finale!


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